Not marriage material!!!! Are you?  

amberabercrombie 37F
11929 posts
3/2/2006 8:49 pm

Last Read:
3/21/2006 12:45 pm

Not marriage material!!!! Are you?


Ive been sitting here lounging around the house all day, being sulky and lazy about last night, kinda down and hating men and than I thought what the fuck, I'm not gonna let one little prick get me down...

OK lets rewind. Last Friday night I had an amazing date with this person, great career, great to look at, what I thought was a great personality and amazing kisser...

Forward, calls me last night to go out for a coffee, I said yea seeing as I had the perfect date the week before...I wore black hip hugging pants a blue lace up the back top with matching shoes, hair piled up, little make up (I like the natural look) anyways, he showers me with compliments etc...after awhile we kiss etc, blah blah blah (now I'm gonna speed it up) and things get alittle carried away (ill spare you the details as I'm still reeling over them today)..in the blink of an eye (for not putting out) I went from being a sweet, caring, beautiful girl, to a whore and a slut among other things...but one thing he said caught my attention *I'M NOT THE KIND OF GIRL A GUY MARRIES....I'M NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL*, I had to know for myself why I'm not marriage material...

Well I'm the kinda gal you cant take home to mom and dad because god for bid I have a wee bit of intelligence and sense of humor and I'm VERY OUTSPOKEN, oh that and the clothes I tend to wear (see example above) typically accentuate my figure, now I never dress slutty, more a classy sexy...but, nope thats not allowed in this day and age, didn't you know girls have to be mild, meek and quiet, with polo shirts and pressed pants, fuck that, who the hell did he think he was going out with in the first place Mary Fucking Poppins....(don't get me wrong I like that look for the golf course lol)....

Anyways I went home, (alot more happened, but like I said ill spare ya it all) and I cant get it out of my head today, am I really not marriage material, is that why all these relationships keep failing me? What is marriage material?

Ill be the first one to admit I'm not looking to get married right now, but I have always prided myself on being the kind of person I am, it felt like such a throwback last night to hear some of this stuff and ANY parent I have come across in my 26 years have loved me! WTF, What is marriage material anyways, I always thought it was when two people fall in love? Am I missing something for this day and age? Should I be a less outspoken person who cant speak her mind, spout politics and know whats going on in todays economy, am I suppose to act like the 1930's housewife in order to be considered marriage material?

So I propose this to y'all, WHAT IS MARRIAGE MATERIAL?

smackyman 45M
3843 posts
3/2/2006 9:47 pm

Easy for me to say - but get him and his comments out of your head. It'll run you round in circles with no answer.
He was a dick for saying that - and only you know what else he did. For him - maybe you aren't the kind of girl that he would like to marry - or that the THINKS he would like to marry.
There are a lot of men in this world you want an attractive girl with who is outspoken. (I'm not after a quiet doormat myself!) A lawyer even, for gods sake, who watches hockey games and screams at the TV and has a healthy attitude towards sex!
The parents love you because they know that you would be good for their son - because you won't take crap and let him push you around.
Don't take crap from this sucker. Hey - sorry it didn't work out but there will be guys who are good on the first date and will be good on the second even if you don't put out. Don't stand for anything less because you ARE worth it...


whats4dessert2 49M

3/2/2006 10:18 pm

What the hell...yet another jerk giving the rest of us bad reps..

First of all, just like smackyman says, there's a lot of who are good on the first date. You and I have both talked about how people put on masks hon and on a first date everyone wants to put their A game forward. Obviously this guy did but he wasn't being sincere. It was a means to an end. Calling a lady a whore or a slut and who knows what is absolutely unacceptable behaviour. Sounds like this little boy has some growing up to do. Maybe he's the one that isn't marriage material

Want to know what is marriage material? You are. You're marriage material and so is every single person on this site. Everyone is marriage material to the right person. Obviously this guy wants a moronic woman who he can dominate and tell what to do. FUCK THAT!!!

After 15 years combined dating and married to my wife I'm glad she has a mind of her own. I'm glad she can wear great looking clothes and can turn heads. I'm glad she has an opinion and can give it to me whenever she likes.

This idiot is watching too much tv and is trying to pidgeon hole people into some sort of hollywood cliche.

Here's what you need to do pretty girl. You need to smile. You need to have a glass of very good wine. Then you need to put on some flannel pyjamas, a nice fuzzy robe get a great movie and have a night of YOU time away from this computer just relaxing enjoying being you and thinking about all those guys that are really out there for you not the idiots that you've already disposed of

Hugs to you

B


rm_Crazyman1169 47M
28 posts
3/2/2006 10:49 pm

WHOA....WHOA....WHOA.... easy there 'crombie. Don't get your panties in a knot (that's if you were wearing any). Don't worry he's just pissed because you didn't put out. Better finding out he's a jerk now than after you did....right? You're marriage material. You're cool, inteligent, you love hockey, you have an attractive eye, hand and hair, (that's all i've seen so far). So don't worry. If 10 guys say you are and 1 says you're not...who you gonna believe?

I always get told I'm marriage material....but I'm not married yet. Go figure. Now grab a stiff one (drink...that is) and forget about him.


intierzha 43M

3/2/2006 11:36 pm

Funny, I always thought I was not marriage material, and yet... I was married for about 5 years. I guess I was right in the end, lol. On the other hand, I seemed to be the perfect person to take home to meet parents and such (just not the one to take home, hehe). Marriage is tricky and rather outmoded, as if we are genetically programmed to want it at times.

As for your experience, if some moron is going to say something like that on a second date, then good riddance(you have to wait till the third or fourth date to bring up marriage, lol). And certainly dont beat yourself up. Sounds like you did nothing wrong. And all these other fine folks above said the rest of what I felt about the matter as well, sooo... it will all work out in the end (at least that's what I try and tell myself, lol

C.


sillyperv 54M

3/3/2006 8:41 am

He was only talking for himself - "he didn't want to bring you home to mom". And he can think such a thought if he wants and you can discard him to the dung pile as you please.
And isn't it better that you find this out sooner than later?
Move on.
Oh, and I know I have a huge problem when it turned me on when "you mentioned golf".
Took it up 3 years ago - heroin with fresh air I say.


sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
3/3/2006 8:52 am

I'm sorry Amber but he's an asshole. Most people aren't marriage material anyway. That includes men like him by the way. You're better off without him


docdirk 47M

3/3/2006 8:59 pm

I know for a fact that I am not "marriage material." While I love to be with friends, laugh it up with co-workers, crack jokes at every possible turn; I also enjoy leaving them behind and heading back to my quiet, comfortable home. I could never imagine sharing that much of myself with anyone on a daily, constant basis.

Reasons vary, but the important thing is to be true to yourself. Maybe you like being alone. Maybe you like being with new, different people. Maybe, maybe, maybe. If the common demoninator is that you don't want a "lifetime partner," you shouldn't feel the need to comply to societies expectations. Or worse, your own family or friends. You have to make the right decision for you. And only you know what that is.

Hmmm... that didn't sound too pretentious, now did it?

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...


rm_itsstalin 39M/38F

3/4/2006 7:53 am

Marriage is an outdated hetronormative practice of pass ownership from father to husband. Personally I believe people should make whatever commitments, bonds and relationships that suit them


sillyperv 54M

3/4/2006 8:04 am

Calloways?! Do you have a handicapp - mine's my swing (thud dum dum) I played about 25 times last summer. I'm not going to buy expensive clubs until I break 100 - should have done it already but a good round (for me) has been destroyed by a nine or ten - hmmmm, maybe I just don't want to spend the money. Have discovered that those hand held laser pointers are great for showing your swing path. Like I said - it's a problem.


whats4dessert2 49M

3/4/2006 9:03 am

    Quoting amberabercrombie:
    You know what I need dessert, a nice long sleep! I was up way to late last night! Thank you very much sweetie, you guys are so great...im way ahead of you in the pj's and its only 7 35 lol!...

    Its so nice to see you respect your wife like that hun, your a good man!
I try my best hon...that's all I can do


SlowPlayin 50M

3/4/2006 10:26 am

Hey gorgeous,
That sucks that happened especially when you thought this guy might be someone fun to date. I know you well enough to know that you're a strong, independent chic and that this won't get you off-center for very long. You know, at least you found out that he's an ASS before there were any emotional ties.

Personally, I think you'll make someone an awesome wife if you ever so choose.

Jim


rm_itsstalin 39M/38F

3/4/2006 11:16 am

    Quoting amberabercrombie:
    I just discovered the *quote feature* look out!!! lol all this time and I just realized the damn thing was there now!

    I believe that you should be able to make whatever commitment floats your boat as well...it might be outdated, but one day (far away lol) I want to wear that white dress!
Really? What kind of white dress a vera wang? (sp?) or something more classic. Personally I'm going to wear a kilt.. and my partner something black, in whatever celibration we deside to throw in recognition of our building a life together..


SlowPlayin 50M

3/4/2006 12:04 pm

"S",

LOL ... yeah, right ... I'M the chatterbox? You're too cute.

Jim


oldude1946 70M

3/5/2006 3:43 am

Amber, just be yourself. If a guy don't like it, tell him to fuck off.
If you marry, marry for love. If a guy really loves you, you will know it. This is easy for me to tell you but life is not always simple.


Crazy_Monkey_Fac 39M
23 posts
3/5/2006 5:52 am

This guy's opinion on 'marriage material' is not the same as yours, so what? His opinion quickly eliminated him from your view of 'marriage material," right? Sounds like you come out a winner as soon as you get over his opinion affecting you.


excitemenow55 61M
11 posts
3/5/2006 8:55 pm

Hey Amber
excite here...you've good taste i do a lot of work with lawyers and hate em too. Thanks v much for reading my blog yesterday meant a lot.
Please try not to get hooked into bad guys bullshit it is there projection, nothing else and from your blog descriptions of you - emotional, physical etc, along with the obvious high regard people here hold you in, thats pretty good evidence that he (they) no what they say and how can anyone arrive at that place to make such a statement - can say "...I dont think we are marriage...." but not possible to declare you're not, so please, in future (hopefully it never will - or some such similar line) if this ever happens just smile, leave, give yourself a huge hug and a sumptious present coz he (and your resposnse) has just saved you a lot of angst, not too mention the time that takes up
lol
excite


excitemenow55 61M
11 posts
3/6/2006 12:19 am

Hi Amber

My pleasure re post: the key is to use your antenna around people like that by sussing out in advance through observing, hearing them with others, and engaging in non-threatening (to yourself) conversation ‒ and hopefully it works a lot of the time! The rest of the time we learn from.

Thanks for the welcome to your site and it is always reciprocal to for you to mine, however, (without being deterministic) I’m sure mine will no where be as prolific as yours, but you’re welcome anytime.

Me too re lawyers- 99% - I do specialist reports in criminal area to assist their clients in receiving more just sentences ‒ hopefully not jail.

Till next we meet stay cool and enjoy your loving and yourself
excite lol


MillsShipsGayly 51M

3/6/2006 6:19 am

There are no 'extra points' for having a 100 out of a 100 people sayig you are 'marriage material' ...no need for more than 1


excitemenow55 61M
11 posts
3/6/2006 9:29 pm

Hi there amberabercrombie

must say your name is just gorgeous... and *intriging* is another shared word.

Yes it is quite an honour to work with the people i do and the work is very intriging ande hopefully prolific ha ha

But the little i know of family, now that's often hugely interesting, perplexing abd complexing...


excitemenow55 61M
11 posts
3/7/2006 10:22 pm

Yes.
Or unfortunately, at other times, when they are not due to what some may have endured!!!


smackyman 45M
3843 posts
3/8/2006 11:31 pm

Paralegal / lawyer - my mistake. I knew it was the legal field so I took a guess. Either way you are far more knowledgeable about the field then I am! And after this post I'm sure that you have some new insights on what is/isn't marriage material and guys who just aren't worth you time...

Now where the heck is that quote feature?? Gotta try that...


im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
3/11/2006 6:35 am

Ok it says here that you have 49 comments on this already and I don't have time to read them, in fact I should have been gone 10 minutes ago but alas I read down the page and now I have to spout my nonsense on this issue even if it has been covered before.
I have no idea what marriage material is since I haven't even been close to getting married but for me personally it would be someone that I loved, I wouldn't care if anyone else liked her. Sure ideally I would want my mother to like her but if she didn't it wouldn't make any difference to me. At the end of the day the only person my wife to be would have to satisfy, love and make happy would be myself. She wouldn't need to comepete for the affections of anyone else, they either love her or they don't, and she wouldn't be able to do much about it anyway.
As for you being intelligent, opinionated, taking an interest in the world around you and speaking your mind those are all the things I expect I would have to have in a wife. I'm not saying I couldn't love a meek woman but she would have to be damn special because in most instances I would be bored after spending just a few minutes with a mary poppins type character. I need someone that can challenge me on many different levels but everyone is different, he just sounds like he was being an ass.
Ok I wanted to write more on this but now I'm very late lol.


JoLeeS 40F

3/14/2006 5:35 am

Amber,
I truly do not(in my heart of hearts)believe that there is such a thing is "marriage material"... I was married to someone for ten long excruciating abusive years. Soneone I might add that in my book summed up to be good marriage material....

Here were my original thoughts on "his marriage material attributes on the beginning and then what he actually turned out to be"

1. He was sweet and kind to me while we were dating.
flip side~The ifrst time he hit me I had just had our son(we are talking hours here)

2. He got along with my family.
flip side~He forbade me to speak to my family on many occassions.

3. He was great with his nephews(AKA Good daddy material)
flip side~He yelled at our son on a constant basis and when he wasn't yelling he was ignoring him

4. He swears to you that he would never break your heart
flip side~He sleeps with your best friend and leaves you for her(which by the way was a blessing for me).

So... Marriage material starts out as one thing and ends up different... No matter what you do, say, promise, etc... The simple truth is this... People change and when they change so do the rules... Throw that "marriage material" theory out the window.. There is no such thing.... Use your heart not your eyes because sometimes you can't see the "Big Picture" until you stepped out of it and looked at it at an entirely different view......


JoLeeS 40F

3/16/2006 10:13 am

Thanks Amber...!! You are a doll! Love your blog! Talk to ya later girl!


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