Did your heart break...?  

amberabercrombie 37F
11929 posts
4/19/2006 9:23 pm

Last Read:
5/21/2006 11:45 am

Did your heart break...?

I'm sitting here tonight thinking about my last break up....God only knows why....
It wasn't a pretty break up or was it a clean break up..but it got me thinking on how others reflect on their past relationships and their own break ups.....

Breaking up.........what a horrible word in which most of us dread....Ive had one...you've had one....we've all had them at one time or another....haven't we?

...Endless nights of sobbing in the pillows...the over eating, the not eating...the crying, the moaning, the whining... the missing them stage.....Yet... we move on, we stand tall, we live and learn....its all part of this proverbial circle in finding our one and only...worth it? Only time will tell...

I can honestly say in all the break ups Ive had, Ive had one decent break up in which we remained good friends, in fact to this very day I still consider him the best friend Ive ever had, how many people can look back and say they have had a good clean break up...I suppose I was lucky in that one.....Still like so many others....I cringe at those words, I cry with my friends, give them my shoulder to cry on...yap for hours on the phone....they move on, I move on, life goes on...

So how does one reflect on their past break up...do you over analysis what went wrong...do you just pick up and move on..do you glance back...ever wonder why, consider it a lesson learned?....You do see where I'm going with this right......What would one consider the worst part about breaking up?...


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
4/19/2006 9:46 pm

Moving to an apartment and not being able to take the dog. Not terribly romantic, huh? Sorry.


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
4/19/2006 10:18 pm

I dont wanna talk about it!!!


n0tatalker 39M

4/19/2006 10:20 pm

I think that my most recent break up takes up the majority of my anaaysis on my self. I think about why I treated her the way I did. But not in the way you're thinking... how come women always love you when you don't have time for them or when treat them poorly? And if you treat them like a princess they lose interest?

ps.. did you like your wedding ring?


intierzha 43M

4/19/2006 10:22 pm

The worst part about breaking up is waking up and expecting someone to be there and they are not. I've felt like I would want to start a conversation, then realized they weren't there to talk to. It was an odd feeling for awhile, but it usually fades into something that can be molded into catharsis, like writing about it. Then, I can move onward and post things about it on blogs

C.


rm_ptbobiboy 35M
14 posts
4/19/2006 10:48 pm

I've only had my heart broken once, and I got all self-examining and over-analytical; it simply MUST HAVE been my fault. It's my hair isn't it? My clothes? My soul-patch? I'm too needy, right? I gave you too much space? No no... it was my music. That was it.

Then I changed everything (on the surface) about me for about a week: I dyed my hair. I stopped wearing my glasses and bought contacts. I shaved. I bought new clothes. I didn't change the music I listen to, because fuck that, I have awesome taste.

Only then did it hit me that no matter what I change about my appearance, my ass got dumped. Then I cried, and got the hell over it because, in hindsight, while we did have some great times, the relationship really wasn't that great.

But now, it's onward and upward! So, Payton, get in touch would ya? Cheers!


charlieff 76M
264 posts
4/19/2006 10:50 pm

Breaking up never gets any easier. Perhaps it gets harder with each one. One lady broke my heart when I found out she was cheating on me and I still feel sad and miss her every time I hear Whitney Houston's Where Do Broken Hearts Go? which was popular at the time. But I've also been the Heart-Breaker a couple of times and whenever I think about the last one I realize that I don't ever want to see that hurt on someone's face again. Sentimental me! It's made me very cautious about commitment.

vCharlie


SlowPlayin 50M

4/19/2006 11:18 pm

I've been lucky to have had mostly easy ... very little drama break ups ... the drama usually happens months after the break up ... lol. I think that it works much better to break up when things START to go bad rather than stay with it until there aren't any good feelings left. I haven't always followed that rule but I wish I could.

I'm never surprised when things don't work out in a relationship since the averages say that most relationships WILL break up at one point or another. Sometimes I just feel fortunate to have "dodged a bullet" so to speak.

To answer your last question ... I don't know ... usually I feel relieved in a way and ready to move on to something that isn't stressful ... or to just be alone for awhile.

I ALWAYS hope that there can be a friendship afterwards.

SP


SirluvsStorms 46M
684 posts
4/19/2006 11:39 pm

My heart broke the most with the one that left me after 16 years plus she was my first and I did miss her terribly. Yet you are right we all go on and move on and live on.
Sir


reverend21 49M
1913 posts
4/19/2006 11:59 pm

See that's the big difference between men and women, allow me to demonstrate:

Male thoughts after a break up - Fuck it, I'm better off with out ...hey, who the Hell is that fine piece of ass

female thoughts after a break up - What did I do that was so wrong?

Now, this my sound funny, and it may sound a detached (on the male thoughts anyway) , but both the male and the female are hurting, they just handle it differently.

NOTE: these thoughts can be reversed, this is just a simple guide line.


reverend21 49M
1913 posts
4/20/2006 12:02 am

BTW, Isn't that Belle from Beauty and the Beast, and the girl in your last post Ariel from The Little Mermaid?

Hey, don't give me that look, I've got a kid, besides they are both good movies, and I enjoyed them, so there!


Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
4/20/2006 12:03 am

I tend to over analyze at times.

The worst part of a break up? The agonizing lonliness...facing dining alone, going places alone, and (the worst of all) going back to an empty house alone.

NG61


Brainy42 52M

4/20/2006 3:49 am

Sweety, my heart breaks evertime I read your blog and realize you're nt mine.

Ok, so that was a little corny... Seriously, there is one particular girlfriend that I will probably, truly never get over. I haven't seen her in about 20 years, but the thought of her still gets my heart beating a little faster.


firestarter665 42M/39F

4/20/2006 4:21 am

I have had many breakups, but never analyze what went wrong. I always move on. There was only one breakup that I had learned from. And the lesson was that I should have dumped his sorry ass sooner!


Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
4/20/2006 5:09 am

i've only been able to keep one friend after a break up, and it took awhile to get on speaking terms where cunt was not her first name anymore.


rm_lust2u2 51M

4/20/2006 5:22 am

IsnĀ“t it to dare/allow, really and sincerely, "lesson learned"...


sillyperv 54M

4/20/2006 7:38 am

Oh, my breakups have been fairly clean and when it's done I never see them again. This is more a reflection of circumstance than avoidence. Now, starting a relationship, floating around, wondering and falling into a twirl of over analyzed brain farts - just why was she naked on the couch, anyway - until whatever might have been falls apart under the weight of frustration - that puts me under the sheets for a month.


Loosetooth 41M
1146 posts
4/20/2006 7:59 am

Yeah break-ups can be filthy. I have had two that were bad. Was the lessons learned? Yes. Some were my lessons to learn and some I had to learn were not my fault. It is ironic that the latter proves harder than the former and takes longer.

Like all traumatic memories you will never stop glancing at it ocassionally, but time and the limitations of memory mean that the initial pain will fade. Do I still remember those women? Yes. Both fondly and for the subsequent mess we engineered between the two of us.

The worst part of the break up process, the wall if you like, is the point where you realise that that one person, who in previous months and years, was your link to your reality, will no longer be any part of your life whatsoever. I can only compare that moment to the moment when you realise that a relative you loved has died.


NGs_lady 64F
762 posts
4/20/2006 9:54 am

i think i always ask myself what did i do that caused this
NGs_lady


hansum_strangrr 47M
384 posts
4/20/2006 4:02 pm

OK you may think that I am full of shit, but I have remained friendly with every break up. It hurt when it was over, but we were all adult about it and no one went away mad. It was the communication during and after that made the difference.

One did break my heart though, I got her pregnant after 2 years of dating and I happily said that I would marry her. Hell, I loved her. She told me to take the weekend and think about it... She got an abortion the next day. (We were not friends after...)


Everybody Dies, Not Everyone Really Lives.


Knot4Everyone 40F

4/20/2006 4:18 pm

I don't like break-ups AT ALL!!!! I have had terrible ones where the police have had to be involved and I've had decent ones where we were able to remain calm (and still talk now and then). Because of how badly I hate break-ups, I am usually very cautious before entering a relationship. (Usually. Sometimes lust gets in the way!)

If I'm the one who called it off then the worst part is knowing how hurt he is and wondering if he's doing alright. If he's the one who called it off then the worst part is him not being around anymore.


norprin5 55M

4/20/2006 7:30 pm

i'm still close friends with several of my ex-gfs...but those weren't really 'break-ups' as such, more like growing up and apart amiably

King Nor XVIII


rm_OldDog1938 78M
2 posts
4/20/2006 7:55 pm

Howdy.

Thanks, Amber, for your comment about the artwork and/or verses on my blog. Re: breakups and divorces. Most of mine turned out amicable. People just tend to grow in different directions. No blame. I get and send Christmas cards to plenty of old flames. But, not my last wife. That scene was definitely not cool. So, you can't win them all.

Big lesson that I learned? I'm too happy in my own space to be married. I love women and I have a great partner. We're both better off in different houses but together on weekends.

Works for me.


puntachueca 105M

4/20/2006 9:22 pm

Still recovering from a big one. Being constantly haunted by memories...places we had been together. Alternating bouts of depression and anger. Having to rewite a lot of stories..."when I was in Maui" instead of "when we were in..." Opening up boxes and finding things like last year's Christmas ornaments...not wanting to open any more for a while...knowing one has to get back to living in the Now, and slowly week by week the haunting subsides until that occasional dark night when a strain of her favorite music brings it all back...


blueguy1051 60M

4/20/2006 9:52 pm

The six figure hit to my net worth was a bit difficult ...


rm_cnilingsfan2 48M
158 posts
4/21/2006 6:33 am

Waking up alone, that is the hardest to deal with. I find that is when the pain is the sharpest and it is difficult to get motivated for the day But each day becomes easier and you move on. Then you just look forward to finding some new playmates


bardicman 50M

4/21/2006 6:46 am

The total and utter desolate empty feeling inside....

Yes I sit and analyze and see where I failed so I will learn more for the next relationship.



I am not dead yet


woofff 41F

4/21/2006 8:18 am

Dear amberabercrombie
Thank you for finding it in your self to write this post....I hadn't intended to read each of the comments back to you,but I have....and am moved by the sheer volume of the hurt that 2 pages so far have generated. I'm thinking to myself 'This is not the negative image of the New Man or the New Woman at all.....we're not all credit card chips and attitude toting as we're made out to be sometimes' That was a revelation of sorts.

When I broke up with someone I had met online and we moved in, I had thought he was 'the one' .... well, had wanted to believe that at any rate. When we broke up, I was v v bitter at how incorrect I'de been in reading him all thru the relationship. No one likes to be a failure.

Every break up at some point feels like a failure though. I HATE THAT ABOUT THEM. I really, really do hate that more than I hate the object of my affection.

W.


Lovethegoddess 56M

4/21/2006 10:40 am

The rose! A traditional symbol of love and affection. Symbol of Venus the goddess of love. A beautiful flower with a heavenly scent. It embodies and embraces all desire. But when you reach out to grab one, you find the pleasure has turned to pain, and your hand is bleeding from the burbs on the stem. Relationships tend to echo this. It might look good on the surface, but when you get into it deeper, and explore someone in intimate detail. Relationships are a mine field, a battleground, a bubbling cauldron of conflict and misunderstanding. Some folks say opposites attract, but I don't go along with that theory. I say opposites only repel, and create situations of conflict. I think to be really happy in a relationship, you have to find compatibility on many levels or it's going to end in tears sooner or later. If people in love only consulted a competent astrologer before leaping into things through rose petal vision, they could save themselves a lot of pain and suffering of the heart. If people of compatible stars form a relationship they swim with the tide and not against it. A true soul mate, should be so close they can feel each other from a distance, and virtually think as one. That only happens if the stars are right between you. You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear, and you can't find love in a conflicting situation. You will never find real love unless the stars dictate that such a thing is possible. Sometimes it's best to just look at the roses,admire them, whiff their perfume and walk on by. Save a lot of cuts and bruises. Trouble is, we rarely find common sense in affairs of the heart, the mind frequently gets the back seat, and something else takes over. See the goddess, or the history of mankind for further details. Still, it would be a pretty boring world without our individual quests for happiness, and trying to find something of your self in someone else. Not much else to do, when you have all of eternity to fill with 'something'.


Djeeper1987 47M

4/21/2006 1:38 pm

Been lonely for a while now, and lately I have been thinking of the last few gf's I have dated. A couple of them were pretty tough breakups. So I hear ya. Hang in there!

Carpe Diem


beatpoeme 53M

4/21/2006 11:43 pm

Break-ups are never easy. Well I guess some are depending upon the reason. We cope over time. I have loved and lost, and sometimes loved again. Like porcelain beautiful, strong yet somehow inherently delicate. I feel your anguish. Hang on..poem. Not meant to be spam, I realize you did not solicit a poem. To me it's a way of saying thanks for letting read into your heart. Not trying to be a stud boy, I'm here for blogging not to get laid. No requirement of you to read my blog.

smile I love your eyes

Shade Amber
Gossamer veil of night
Witness my humble virtue
Blinding white light

Eyes of blue
And opal
Shade mortal chalice
At heavens door
I must succumb
You’re brooding
Thoughtful palace

This minuscule
Moment dance
Upon time
When we meet again
My love
From there you be mine


danteszippo 52M
3870 posts
4/21/2006 11:55 pm

sometimes a breakup can easily turn into something positve...think of this simple word. Freedom. freedom to find someone better, sexier, more fun, less needy, better lover, whatever. Life is exciting when the posibilities are endless, the world is wide open. make the best of it, half the people I know are miserably married and would give anything to be in your shoes. onward, and upward.


dankos2069 55M

4/22/2006 9:08 pm

I've been lucky. The lovers I have had in the last 10 yrs who I do not see anymore still love me and stay in discreet contact. My love life has been a constant work in progress and I never want to have leave an enemy for it would have been in vain and an eventual regret.

To your question...the hardest part of breaking up is looking into their eyes and putting into words what is in your heart and what must be done.

you do a great job here


EverReady343 47M

4/23/2006 8:47 am

It's amazing how some guys can talk as though they have never been dumped! They must be something special!
Ive been dumped by a girl who married the very next guy she met. She got engaged to him after being with him for less than six months.
She ended up having his child.
It was difficult at first because I would see her ever day at work.
while at work we got on really well and remained friends. We don't work within the same business anymore and no longer see each other.


Whispersoftly5 51F
15176 posts
4/23/2006 3:11 pm

I think reaction depends on the circumstances of the break-up. I've been fortunate to stay dear friends with a couple of folks and there have been a couple of times I was nothing short of relieved when all was said and done. Other times my heart was very crushed. I always ponder no matter what - I always try to learn something and move forward.

Whisper...


Wordsmith2004 36M
7233 posts
4/23/2006 6:48 pm

I don't dwell on it too much because in the end it always happens for a "good" reason....you two weren't compatible!!

Betta to find out today rather than when you're married and they're putting arsenic in your Frosty Flakes just to get rid of you and keep all your super cool stuff

Conserve Water and Prevent Global Warming: Shower With A MILF!


Tejinashi 45M

4/25/2006 9:55 pm

We all take our breakups in different ways. It's one of the amazing things that makes us individuals. Reflecting on past events, gives us better insight into the future I believe - something we all basically need. Are we not the sum total of our experiences ?
Yet, the term breaking up doesn't ring true for many of the times in this world when people simply don't 'mesh' anymore, or have made some sort of grevious un-intentional error that caused the relationship to slowly stale and fall apart. Love they say can never die, but I have learned that like a flower which has a beautiful bloom ;if not tended to or fed regulary will it fall sick and whither.

Love may never die, but it surely can be killed.

Some things I still miss are the simplest things that I took for granted in the end. I have, and I am not afraid to admit it, cried myself to sleep over losing the single most powerful event in my life due to my inability at that time to articualte and perceive things I had concerns about. Her caress, her breath on my skin, the smile, her eyes, her laugh, the smell of her hair - torturous yet welcome memories.
I can't honestly say I will ever move on completely. There will always be part of me that yearns for her still. The worst part, or best part depending on how you perceive it, is that we are excellent friends to this day. I am happy she has her fun some times, but the knife twists in my stomach when I hear it. It's a strange dichotomy of being happy for her, yet having part of me cry out "why not with me"?
We lost contact with each other. We stopped talking, and sharing our lives. I saw more of the back of her head while she was at the computer, and she saw more and more of me on the couch with a movie or video game. How it started, I don't know - neither of us do. We both waited for the other person to say something, to try and turn it around. To see, I suppose, if the other person wanted to save it.

I did. I truly did. I waited too long. I hoped, that she would listen. In the end, the only answers I got were "I don't know" to all my questions. All of the things she wanted, all of the things she looks for, I now am - yet she can't see it, or doesn't want to.
It drives me mad, and yet.....the madness at times does grant wonderful moments of lucidity.
So, I suppose this answers whether or not I over think things Amber. I don't glance back though - I look longingly some days when things remind me of her, of our past. Almost like a lost relative.
I am not sure it is ever possible to 'pick up and move on'. We simply learn to live more with the discomfort, the hole in our hearts. We learn our lessons, and hopefully forgive ourselves. We should never forget what happens, for how else do we learn ? There is a very important difference between the two, and what happened should be learned from as pain can teach more effectively then anything else.
So, in closing - two things. Do you think it is possible for 2'nd chances to work ? (You posed a good question, so I fire one back)
And, I suppose I should say hello again and sorry for the length of the ramblings

-Tej


m1903a3 59M

4/26/2006 4:53 pm

Bitter breakup of my first marriage. LOTS of yelling. I should have seen it coming, it was a mixed marriage.
I'm human, and she was a vampire.


reverend21 49M
1913 posts
4/28/2006 8:43 pm

    Quoting amberabercrombie:
    Hey ive got them to ...and its the cartoons or me..you know youd rather see the toons!
I don't know, let's have a peek then, I say wee put it to a vote, Hmmmmmm, I feel a poll coming on


cutie4umm 47F

5/1/2006 2:12 am


i think the worse part of a break-up, is when you wake up and you dont care what went wrong. All you can think about is "all those wasted years"

then you realize the actual break-up happened right in front of your eyes, (years ago) and now here you are., Not even caring about 'what or when or if or why'
just knowing your 'place' in life is unknown!


SirMounts 102M

5/5/2006 1:08 am

Well, I feel that one should move on, after gaining some distance, fairly assessing both points of view, and learning from them as much as one can. Even as we continue to hold those... special memories, most dear. *smiling


cutie4umm 47F

5/7/2006 8:29 pm

    Quoting amberabercrombie:
    True..but all those waisted years had to have been good in one way or another right..I always look at it this way, you have to get thru the bed to get to the good..sometimes it just takes longer than others..
well actually after thinking it over.... after all the years... the only memories that just pop in my head, (that are good) are materialist!!!
sad sad sad 2 be realistic after 15 years and 2 kids later!
it hurts but not in a way that makes me want him... (alive that is..tee-hee)


Dildo_replacemen 38M

5/11/2006 9:45 pm

Yup, I over analyse past break-ups. Every relationship is a learning experience; I always try and learn from it, then move on.

Worst part, the emptiness after! ‒ always try and stay friends though.


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