Are they all the same....?  

amberabercrombie 37F
11929 posts
6/28/2006 5:58 am

Last Read:
7/26/2006 10:16 pm

Are they all the same....?

They say woman tend to date men that look and act like their fathers and men tend to date woman who look and act like their mothers...is it true?..

My x was a lot like my father...both stubborn...both label hounds...same morals...same values...both loved to golf...both on similar career paths....both had similar builds.... I asked one of my girlfriends about her current man and surprisingly the answer was the same...yes he does in fact remind her of her father...

So I got thinking back to my past relationships and it seems I follow a trend....a trend which in fact leads me to looking for men with the same morals...same values...same mind frame as the ones my father shares...

It makes one wonder....Is our upbringing a direct result in what we want or choose from a mate?...Are we programmed from the start without realizing it.....Let me ask this for a laugh....Could you date a person with the same name as your mom or dad.....Satisfy my curiosity here....Do you in fact tend to date the people who share similar life like qualities to that of your mother or father...?


MOfunNOWWOW 55F

6/28/2006 6:55 am

My mother absolutely not. My father, maybe a little! Names not to important as I call everybody a nickname, sugar!
{=}


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


RocketMan_Len 52M
2325 posts
6/28/2006 7:03 am

Actually, I like to think that I'll give *anybody* a chance.

There are some schools of thought that suggest that we're attracted to people who are the opposite of our parents, others say that we're drawn to the similarities.


Glimmer_Man06 47M
3308 posts
6/28/2006 7:03 am

An ex of mine looked dead up like my mother when she was the same age(21). Unreal and scary, but, I can't say that much now. I pic them these days simply on how much their personality draws me to them. The looks, well that is a bonus(or a curse)

They say a woman ages like fine wine...

...mine ages like milk!


LookandWink 63M

6/28/2006 7:03 am

I think it depends on the relationship you had with your father or mother. If you really like them, then you probably look for the same traits. If the relationship is bad, you may look for a polar opposite of them. I never considered meeting a woman with my mothers first name. I think it would be weird, but I don't think it would deter me from pursuing it.

btw ... I love your blog! Where do you get the pictures? They are wonderfully fun! I can't wait to see the next one!


000TBoy 42M
194 posts
6/28/2006 7:19 am

I guess it's all quite logical and in built. Having said that my exs have all been quite different. I saw a beautiful girl online with a great profile but when I found out that she shared my mother's name it had to stop - bit too Froodia, even for me!


firestarter665 42M/39F

6/28/2006 7:22 am

My husband has a lot of qualities like my dad. I am nothing like my husbands mom, thank God!!!!


HeelsCoopsCrena 43M
6 posts
6/28/2006 7:44 am

Remember SIGMUND FREUD, I think he head some things right. Parents are our window to the world; they shape our perception of it. So no wander we are looking for someone like them, we don’t know any better. We probably have a better chance of understanding some one who has similar value scale. But I say explore the “human condition”, brake the mold, experience new and exciting things, develop your own perception.


cobra70118 105M

6/28/2006 8:59 am

I don't wanna *date* my Mom! In my experience I know this though, I will have problems with woman who do not have at least a somewhat good relationship with their Dad. Absolutely 100% of the time woman who have issues with their Fathers will give me a hard time and play mind and heart games. I will guarantee that. Those nasty heartless woman who will cut you up in a New York second and spit ya out are the ones who have severe issues with Daddy.

It's also my experience whether woman have a positive or negative image of their Dad they are looking for those qualities in men of their Dad at some level whether they realize it or not. We have to set our standards from somewhere I guess and parents are the first to give that to us.

I haven't a clue to myself.


MorganLeFaye1978 38F
110 posts
6/28/2006 9:17 am

I myself do not know my father well enough to say whether or not my significant other in any way closely resembles him or not. However I do know that I am nothing like his mother. I agree with LookAndWink I think that it depends on the relationship you have with your parents that determine what qualities you look for in a person.

JMHO


rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
6/28/2006 10:03 am

my xgf had the same last name as my mother's maiden name. Does that count?

I have always though that we are all either a result of our parents, or a reaction to them-- either a chip off the block, or an attempt to reverse everything possible.... I know see too much of things I don't like in my father in myself, and am unable to change them... mostly tempermental issues.. I'm better, but not enough


free2chose2 66F

6/28/2006 10:32 am

My Dad was a gem--------ex husbands were "sand pebbles"
Usually the men I now date have the same quiet demeanor of my Dad
regardless of race/color

Don't worry, be Happy


rm_lust2u2 51M

6/28/2006 10:36 am

My girlfriends... alike my mom? Hmmmm... yeah (embarrassing?), they did have a good many of qualities like my mother/sister. But why; is it the old question about heredity and environment? Am I attracted to same, same but yet a little bit different? Why not then, as long as it´s gooood (for both of us)


sillyperv 54M

6/28/2006 10:44 am

Honestly, I could do a hell of a lot worse than date someone like my mother but I wouldn't ever, never, ever have it as part of a thought process. Yep, denial for me, which I'm okay with cause denial as a means of dealing with reality is perfectly fine. For sure.


jd29992z 54M
3888 posts
6/28/2006 11:02 am

No not me I love my mother to death she is a very wonderful loving person but no hmmmmm I need someone a little more on the wild side you know the fun wild not the crazy wild there is a difference you know later girl JD


rm_evil_pussy 36F
49 posts
6/28/2006 11:41 am

now that i look back on past relationships, yes i guess they do tend to be like my father...my current and will prolly be my last is more like my dad than any of the rest ( a total man-whore) lol love the blogs and keep them coming

only EVIL when provoked


ThickDick2323 105M

6/28/2006 12:04 pm

It is very common for women to pursue men that remind them of their fathers. It is usually a combination of physical/mental/emotional qualitites - pretty much everything. The same is true for men pursuing women. Unfortunately that is not limited to the good stuff.

Many women who's fathers are/were alcoholics/drug abusers end up with the same type of men. Women who's fathers abused them or their mothers often end up in abusive relationships.

It is a similar psychological process that takes place with people who were sexually abused at an early age. Many women who were molested by their fathers or their fathers friends (or brothers/brothers friends) at an early age turn out to be VERY promiscuous. They were instilled with the message at a critical point in their psychological development that their "value" came from their sexuality. As a result, when they reach adolescence and then adulthood, they seek attention and find their personal value in their promiscuity. It is also supported by research that these victimized women experienced a trauma so powerful, that it left them feeling vulnerable/weak when close to the opposite sex. As a result, their excessive promiscuity is also a way to hold power of men. They get to control the man by making him "worship" their bodies - do their bidding.

On a more positive note - Women who were raised by an attentive father often seek out the good qualities that their fathers posses. Those qualities might include the physical (and usually do), and almost always include the emotional/psychological. For example, women with fathers that always take a back seat to their wives as authority figures in the house seek out more submissive men. If their fathers gave them lots of hugs and frequently expresed feelings of love/adoration they will be attracted to more affectionate men.

It's all in our minds. Unfortunately for some, we cannot escape from our minds - at least not for long.

Do I remind you of your father? That would be nice. lol


frassy_sass 54F

6/28/2006 12:27 pm

None of my past lovers were anything like my father. Neither was my ex. However the man I am married to now?..Yep, he is very much like my father in wit, intelligence and looks.

I thankfully am the polar opposite of my mother-in-law, in wit intelligence and (I think) looks.

Frassy


rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
6/28/2006 12:32 pm

*wonders if she got the inspiration from the post from Rescue Me last night...*

As far as I know, I have never been interested in anyone that resembles my mother.


Twister2bed 47M
617 posts
6/28/2006 12:33 pm

Not even close on this one LOL, My current GF is lightyears different from my parents values.


norprin5 55M

6/28/2006 12:58 pm

my queen has the best traits of my mother...compassion, strength, values...physically they are very different

however, my queen is much more wicked than my momma ever dreamed of being

King Nor XVIII


bear4angel2006 48M/37F
2 posts
6/28/2006 1:12 pm

Thank you for visiting our blog. We agree that it is so much nicer to get to know each other this way. We would love to get to know you as well. We're new to this way of things, curious and scared. Hope to hear from you again.
bear4angel2006


itsallfun1957 59M

6/28/2006 3:13 pm

Amber, Oedipus, Oedipus where are you. There you are, get away from Electra! You're so complex. Got to love the Greeks. Oh ya that Freud guy as well.

OK, here a spin on that question, whom do the gay, bi, and lesbian individuals favor?

I'm adopted,so I don't know, but everyone I've dated and loved except one has looked very similar in build, hair, eyes, philosophy, etc. They were not even close to my Mom and Dad(non-genetic) who raised me from infancy. As always, a thought provoking post; satin snuggle.>>>itsallfun1957


ilsuconu 56M

6/28/2006 3:27 pm

Although I've never planned it that way, I do tend to be attracted to women who resemble Mom's personality, intelligence, wit. So far though, I haven't known any other "Katherines" (aka "Kitty").


HoopsPhymaUreal 41M
153 posts
6/28/2006 3:50 pm

I had a good relationship with my mom, but I wouldn't want to date someone like her.


hjblknyt 37M

6/28/2006 4:17 pm

I have read some where for a guy you are either just like her father or the polar opposite either way you are safe... As for my wife like my mother, again no way... she is so different in every sense of the word.


Dildo_replacemen 38M

6/28/2006 4:30 pm

I think our upbringing defines who we are. Your morals and perceptions are taught to you... so people tend to go after similar qualities in life.

As for dating people that remind me of my mother - hasn't happened yet! Yes there are similarities in morals and values, but not in stubbornness (the key).

I've only met one person with my mothers name. However I wouldn't have a problem dating someone with the same name. Would be very different if she had the same name as my twin sister though...


intierzha 43M

6/28/2006 5:50 pm

Wanting to date someone who shares the qualities we admire in our parents is hardly an Oedipal issue. I think we all want the admirable qualities of ourself, our parents, in those we date. As far as names go, it doesn't bother me much. I dated a girl with the same name as my mom once, but she was so different, it wasn't a problem. I doubt I would date someone with the same name as my ex... but that's probably another matter entirely. In the end, so long as your choice makes you happy, then what other think is immaterial.

C.


rm_ironhead1956 60M
275 posts
6/28/2006 6:02 pm

Absolutely not, my Mother calls me everyday, not because I haven't cut the apron strings, but because I have health problems. She checks in everyday, I don't call her she calls me. We don't agree on almost everything, from poliltics to relationships. So as soon as I see signs that she is getting more and more like my mother, I find a way to bow out, sometimes it can get pretty, like it would with my mother.
NOT GOOD.


smackyman 45M
3843 posts
6/28/2006 6:10 pm

So now that you have idenfified the trend - are you okay with this? Or do you now want to make a conscious change in the type of guy that you date?


Hydragenias 56F

6/28/2006 6:27 pm

That didn't hold true for me. My ex-husband was totally and completely the opposite of my Dad......TOTALLY!

Now however, If I happen to find another man, I'm sure he will be more like my Dad was. At least, I hope he will be.


northvanbootyman 32M

6/28/2006 7:09 pm

thanks for the tip babes


JaniSux 44F

6/28/2006 7:22 pm

Date someone with the same last name as me... probably NOT...

Would I choose someone like my father?
Ohh hell no!

But I do find that I avoid men at all costs if they remind me of him, if they share any type of resemblance to him what-so-ever, you can find me quickly jogging in the opposite direction..

Janie


rm_devilsgrin69 51M
223 posts
6/28/2006 8:09 pm

Amber,
Always stimulating thoughts.
Again i'm an opposite of you.
Never in my life did i or will i go out with someone like my mother.
Don't get me wrong, I love her and have a great relationship with her, but all my past girlfriends, were totally different from her.
I believe everyone should date someone from a different culture.
I've dated quite a wide range of cultures from native indians, India indians, Jewish, Japanese, and african american(from the bronx)needless to say wasps as well.
All these cultures have expanded my mind and enriched my personality.
As a wop boy you may believe these relationships did not go over well in my household.
But as i said, they all been totally different which i am grateful.

devilsgrin69 at the g-spot


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
6/28/2006 9:30 pm

My ex was nothing like my father. The guy I'm into now is like my dad in some ways, doesn't look anything like him. Was I like my mother in law? If I thought so, I'd drown myself.


sunfire31902 37M

6/28/2006 10:15 pm

almost all of my ex's have simalarites with my mom. maybe cause of when we are younger it is all we know and feel safe and happy. As for people that get into bad reationships i have know clue.


SecretEarNoTears 47F  
766 posts
6/29/2006 12:37 am

I've heard of that too and wished it would have been true for me....but apparently I missed and married someone like my mother though...someone controlling, and emotionally and psychologically abusive to me. My counselor told me that we are drawn to the ones that are the most powerful...the controler...if one of your parents were like that...


reverend21 49M
1913 posts
6/29/2006 1:19 am

Nope, bay-doll, I sure don't


lovemetouchme5 51F
2102 posts
6/29/2006 5:16 am

My soon2bx was a lot like my dad. Unfortunately, I realized it too late and ended up marrying the asshole. BUT, I love my dad, and wouldn't trade him for the world.


rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
6/29/2006 5:43 am

I hope I dont look like Sail's mother!!

Purry {=}

Purry


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
6/29/2006 5:43 am

Don't EVEN get me started!!!
LOL (ooops, see what happens?)

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


NGs_lady 64F
762 posts
6/29/2006 6:35 am

amber

Looking at it now yes I think I did look for the same qualities as my dad. I am now married to a man that has some of the same interest but is not like him at all.

Hugs

NGs_lady


4u281 64M

6/29/2006 10:25 am

Believe me over the years ( the last thirty ) I seen my friends and Family raising kids who must do the exact oposit of your observation consrvative families with outlaw punks kids that marry what scare the hell out of their parents and then the kids raised by more liberal parents and the hippy generation ending up with kids who marry more conservative ? just like a pendulum not always but just enough but just enogh to say it ain't always so .
And can realy confuse blondes


rm_cuteguy01076 37M
5 posts
6/29/2006 11:10 am

hi !

i would agree we have a preference for mates that are similar to our parents' wishes for us.

we are 'brainwashed' for quite some years to understand what's worth to get and what's better to avoid, at last we are just apes that can speak... and by language we transfer a huge amount of experiences that our parents had, and that their parents had, and that their parents had, etc.

also, if you look at other animals, geese for example, they chose an "imprimer" very early in life, and just follow what the imprimer does. Konrad Lorenz got a nobel price in medicine for these sort of observations (well, not really focussed on sexual preferences, but until we are able to reproduce, we can already learn a great deal how things work from our imprimers... or so)


KISSABLE_KINK 48F

6/29/2006 12:44 pm

Greetings gorgeous,
Love both my parents but not inclined to dating anyone who resembles either one in anyway. But must say that as a younger girl I tended to date males that were somehow a bit effeminate, either in looks or Characteristically. As I age I find myself inclined more towards the manly man.
P.S.
Scary, my father is macho. SH_t, maybe the studies are on to something.


Bushwhackerman 54M

6/29/2006 5:35 pm

I've dated girls nearly 20 years younger and I tkink there was a father thing goin on but never thought these relationships would be more than passing.


beatpoeme 53M

6/29/2006 5:40 pm

Well its always a both of both I think. In one hand we are reviled by the thought but evolutionary evidence shows that by picking a mate with traits reminiscent of a parent we are guaranteeing our survival and recognizing preferable traits. Not to be a party pooper but this subject took a beating in on of "allsleeky's" posts a few months back.

BP


somethingelse40 74M
14676 posts
6/29/2006 7:50 pm

If you suspect everything, you are wasting many suspicions on frivolous things. Would all the good things that will happen eventually please try to happen while I'm still horny.


ff1306 32M/32F
1 post
6/29/2006 8:43 pm

Hey Amber I do believe that has some truth to it and I am actually dating a wonderful guy who has the same name as my father and my brother! its not weird I actually dont even think about it except when were all together and someone says their name all 3 dont know who that person is asking for. but n e way we just wanted to say hi


rm_KarmoHunny 54F
888 posts
6/29/2006 9:50 pm

Oh, Hell no! My father was not the kindest or nicest person on this Earth to me. I wouldn't want to date anyone like him. I RARELY even think about the man.


MarcoPolo197676 39M
541 posts
6/29/2006 10:11 pm

You might be right, but I would hope its all not predetermined.


Axis_BoldAsLove2 40M
11 posts
6/30/2006 12:54 am

none of my girlfriends were like my motha. i would rather say that they were completely different... maybe that's why they were...


HBowt2 58F

6/30/2006 3:25 am

my brother and his sister are often taken for brother and sister, so it would seem that i have married someone very like my family....but morals and values.....nope.....he's more like my mother...


imLadyBambi 58M/50F

6/30/2006 4:28 am

Hell no! My mother was a call girl and my Dad was a pedophile. I don't think I want either of those traits in a partner.

Lady Bambi


alphuctup 40M

6/30/2006 6:58 am

I want a lover not a mother!!!

Oh and shame on you for the Brasil comment...thought we were all one big happy Commonwealth family?!! I cheered you lot during the Winter Olympics.


beatpoeme 53M

6/30/2006 10:01 am

Sorry to sound so harsh, I'm in sleep deprived mode, and unsure of location and time zone. I remember the post because it caused a kerfufal. I read research lately stating that we seek what we know, though many members vehemently denied the existence of the phenomenon. It really make sense that we would instinctively and inherently follow this trend. Though people think that it is taboo territory a few members felt that there was a sensibility to the idea that we are ingratiated by familiarity on many levels. Least of which being sexual. By the way, sleeks had lots of excellent poetry but I remember that there was a lot of observations and commentary postings.

BP
"made you look made you stare"


rm_cnilingsfan2 48M
158 posts
6/30/2006 11:19 am

I don't think I have dated women like my mother she is to timid. I tend to be with women that are outgoing , stubborn and impatient wait.... Shit that sounds like my dad
So do I need to see a shrink...lol


JudeL5 46M
1535 posts
6/30/2006 6:23 pm

Maybe the earlier in life, but now, after starting again, definitley not! I am older and wiser


cg2new 49M

6/30/2006 8:54 pm

oddly enough my missis and my mom share the same first name, nothing alike as my mom is hard working and fun.


docdirk 47M

6/30/2006 9:29 pm

I was a raised by a pack of feral dingos. I hate to think what that says about my future Mrs.!!!

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...


1horneydevil2006 41M
25 posts
6/30/2006 11:35 pm

My wife has the same name as my mother and my stepmother all three the same name someone find me a padded room


rm_xxxtheline 53M

7/1/2006 2:38 am

I'm a lot like my x's father.
I guess she was looking for a nice responsible guy to raise her children well after she would inevitably go psycho and leave.

At least he's a good guy, and has been a good Grandpa.


rm_ENGBUCARO 38M
596 posts
7/1/2006 7:10 pm

I do believe it happens very often... I think I saw some trades of my mother in some of my ex and its funny that you mention the name thing cause my brother has been in a relation with a girl that shares the first name with our mother


rm_spraga3 50F

7/2/2006 7:42 am

Hi Amber,
First let me say that I am new to AAF and Blogland and your Blogs is great to read. I have just started but can't wait to get caught up. With regard to the dating like our parents... I am alot like my x-husbands mom which is a huge compliment but he is nothing like my dad. Maybe that's why we aren't together anymore and he lives with my X-bestfriend.... hmmmmmm

T~


BadAssBlonde1 56F
4989 posts
7/2/2006 10:52 pm

Very similar in qualities but different in beliefs. My Father is a Dominant man and well, I am the Dominant One in my relationships. I think the environment has everything to do with our choices in life. You may not see them at first; but there is something there.

Warmly,
Lady Hunter

After all the sex is gone, there is the mind - Lady Hunter / BAB

Copyright © House of Lady Hunter 1998-2009


rm_Dog_House309 46M

7/3/2006 11:05 am

We are a mixture of nature(genetics) and nurture (upbringing). Our personality is heavily influenced by genetics. Which means you will have similar traits to your mother or father. If you share a similar personality with your mother than it makes sense that you would follow her behaviors, like choosing a man with values, morals and characteristics that your father has. Secondly your mother would have been influential in your decision making, despite your attenpts otherwise.

Good thing you took to your mother's side. lol


Dildo_replacemen 38M

7/3/2006 6:50 pm

Yup, and a Gemini to boot! - thus I don't have a split personality.


funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
7/3/2006 11:38 pm

Me? I'll date anybody that will have me!! Lets be honest, dating is fun with all, its the 'relationship' we fear that steers us towards a comfort zone (i.e. mother/father). The Freud comment mmm as a psychologist I can tell you that in the opinion of most Freud was mother fixated, a clever man, but, flawed, like all of us. Any comments or observations by 1 should be balanced with the opinions of others. Oooops, fun getting serious, gotta go now...


rm__blah 40M

7/4/2006 5:53 am

Hello Amber,

I havent given it much thought, I havent dated many, the odd thing I can only think of, is I dated someone like my granmother, which the rest of my family do not get along with.

Blah


GypsyLoveGoddess 61F
7 posts
7/4/2006 7:50 am

My ex husband was nothing like my father, my father is gentile person and the ex was a monster.
My second hubby is not like my dad either.
None of my boyfriends were like my father.


fgray06 62M

7/4/2006 10:33 am

I like the way you think. fgray06


redmustang91 57M  
8571 posts
7/6/2006 10:15 am

My mom was very emotional and not very rational. My wife is the opposite. I have not dated or been interested in anyone remotely like my mom...


rm_measweetbaby 31F
1 post
7/6/2006 12:59 pm

i grew up without my dad, maybe thats why im a lesbian. LOL just joking. i am a lesbian though, and the more i think of it the more my girlfriend is like my mom. thats not so great, since i really cant stand my mom,but i love my girlfriend. why is that?


bustybettyboop 50F  
59325 posts
7/7/2006 6:27 am

nooo..i don't date anybody like my daddy!

..just join me on my blog bustybettyboop and still looking for some hot,sexy,creative contestants for my next contest...come join us! need a blog mentor or want to be one?


rm_Lance6975 46M
2 posts
7/8/2006 6:57 am

I have no idea but if you want to date me, this could give you an answer!
Looking forward to here from you!
Lance


sean08802 46M

7/10/2006 12:25 am

I dont agree 100% I think it might be that we where safe and comforted
in an nurtering enviroment.may be that this is what we search out.even the parents traits,honesty,devotion,love
trying to make me get all mushy.


GoldcardPLATNUM 48M
6 posts
7/17/2006 4:05 am

want more no guys


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