A part of me....  

amberabercrombie 37F
11929 posts
7/15/2006 1:15 pm

Last Read:
7/31/2006 12:58 pm

A part of me....

This week has enlightened me to a lot of things around here in blog land...I got so wrapped up in a silly contest that I went and copied and pasted our add into (mens not woman’s) blogs for a silly vote...a game...I didn’t really take into consideration their feelings..I had seen so many other people do it here that I thought hell it was ok.....it was fun I admit..but it wasn’t fun knowing I hurt someone..and for that I apologize..I do like to get carried away sometimes...Im a little to competitive for my own good!....Anyways im just letting you guys know you don’t have to email me about that particular post...I knew about it before the emails flowed in lol....I just choose to take the higher road apologize and move on...

Someone said to me in one of my posts they like REAL blogs...as real as my blog is it does tend to lean more towards sexual advice and so fourth and little things about my life....what I’ve never done is let someone in and know the real me...all of me...no holds bars me...my troubled past me...

So here goes...where do I start...do I start at the sexual abuse...do I start at the x husband who beat the shit out of me...where do I begin..?....Right you didn’t know I was married once did you....so lets go back to the start..or what I consider the start...

I was very young...very naive and very much in love with my sweetie in my teens...he was a much much older man whom I positively at the time adored...now if you read my blogs you know im not one that gives the nookie up very easy...hell I go nuts some days not getting the sex other people do...There was something about him...I loved him...I gave myself to him..my first time...my heart...it all went to him....

6 weeks later I soon found out just how much I was about to give him...I was pregnant...I told him face to face expecting to hear how happy he was..instead I got told what a conniving bitch I I was...how stupid was I to get pregnant...how he wanted me to have an abortion asap....how he would take my life if I didn’t abort the baby I was carrying....Do you know that man called me a month later and wanted to work things out...do you know I said ok and went right back to him!....

One day...in my second trimester....I called his house when his roommate answered...things were ok up to this point...I thought he was going to be there...I thought he was staying with me...His roommate said..you didn’t know...Doug has left...He’s left the province...he left his baby...he left me....I cried myself to sleep for a good couple of months after that...hell I even went as far as to try and track that man down...I did succeed....but in the long run chose to raise my child on my own...go back to school and leave well enough alone...the past was the past....Is my daughter better off?...Ill never know...

I met another man along this journey...I cant say I ever fell in love with this man...Im still not sure my whole heart will ever be in tact after the first one....but he was good to my daughter...amazing in fact...that I got engaged right away and married him...during the course of that marriage I suffered verbal and physical abuse from him...one night he went as far as to put nail polish remover in my coffee waiting for me to drink it.....he forced sex on me whenever he wanted....woke me up at all hours of the night to do this or that for him....he demanded everything and anything from me....Needless to say after we were married he wasn’t so good to my little girl anymore....I packed up my daughter and ended that marriage within the first year...Ironically our marriage date was September 11..something my family and I now joke about....

From that time till now...I did meet yet another man that didn’t work out..It brought me to AdultFriendFinder to seek a means out...find companionship that I didn’t have at home...I found it right here on the blogs with you guys...we are no longer together but are trying to remain friends.....To make a long story super short for the sake of a blog..just because a person doesn’t post their sordid history..just because they don’t let the world know all about them..doesn’t make them any less real that you or I...

In short...here I am now....im now 27...with not one but two beautiful girls...a great job...good friends...good health...what more could I ask for....what more could I want....Make fun of this post...poke jokes at me..but this is about as REAL as Amber gets...I do thank the person who wrote that comment....

So now you know a tiny little thing about me...something very personal about my past....something that I will never forget..perhaps never get over the hurt....You can go head and tell me anything you want about you...comment..don’t comment....its all up to you....

rm_abutoo2 44M
1078 posts
7/15/2006 2:10 pm

Why would anyone want to make fun of that? Truth be told, I talk shit all day long about nothing at all. I surprise people when I actually talk about me and myself and how I grew up. I just don't think about it much. But it shapes all my actions, I know it does. We keep a lot of secrets. It's what makes all the time spent getting to know someone worthwhile.

rm_kneel_be4me 48M
457 posts
7/15/2006 2:22 pm

Well Amber I think everyone on here has some kind of story in their past.... I always wish good women didnt seem to find asshole men... It hurts them when they dont deserve to be hurt.... I know what you mean when you say you dont think you will ever be able to fully give your heart to anyone again... The only thing we can hope is that people learn from that hard past and try to avoid falling into it agian.

Oh and as for the spaming of your contest... Dont worry about it... you were having fun and playing a game... those that complained about it just need to grow up and get real.... Even if they didnt want to go vote for you they shouldnt step all over your fun just because they want to be crabby. They should be honored that you thought about them enough to want them to vote for you.

whats4dessert2 49M

7/15/2006 2:24 pm

Hey sweets..big hugs

rm_agathon12 46M
1311 posts
7/15/2006 2:46 pm

I was rather flattered and amused when you did that on my humble little blog. You're a Jays fan so you had no chance with me.

Panthiest 72M

7/15/2006 3:02 pm

Well here I go again...my big thing is to let folks know, and you need to know this L'Blonde', you CAN open your heart again, but you just need to learn WHEN to do that. I mean we can and often do open up to people who will take advantage of us, get hurt, then lock up our hearts and throw away the key. Now who does that hurt? Right. So we need to learn what it is we are really looking for and how to recognise it. Easy right? Ha!
There's something about pain that perpetuates itself. Abusers usually have been abused, et, this is why it's called the "Cycle of violence." Our job, as good people wanting good people in our lives, is to break the cycle of violence first in ourselves and wherever we find it - if we can. If healing is needed, understanding (not acceptance) goes a long way.
Friendly hug and smile for you and a sincere "Thank you." for sharing your life with us.

Brainy42 52M

7/15/2006 3:04 pm

Dear KFC: I knew it! You are a little chicken but understandably so what with having survived a couple o' fox running 'round your chicken coup. Now I'm just a big ol' cock and I's hates ungentlemanly foxes (and dawgs) so you needn't be frighened of me. So let's get together for a good cluck...

Foghorn Leghorn

P.S. You're still, I say, you're still finger lickin good!

rm_bk2nrml 57M

7/15/2006 3:27 pm

oh honey, nobody will make fun. we all have skeletons in our closet. shoot, i think ive got enough for 2 closets ! none of that matters as long as you learned the lesson taught. i still say youre a sweetheart and youre still my sensual goddess.


itsallfun1957 59M

7/15/2006 3:40 pm

Amber, we all have unique pasts and secrets, if we did not would we really be here with all the other like-minded individuals. As far as apologies go; it was a game, a contest on an adult entertainment website on a blog. It speaks highly of you to open up and to apologize, that act alone shows that you are a sensitive and caring human being. The past, we all have one or many, you rose above it and focused on doing the next right thing; your daughters and yourself.>>>itsallfun1957

goodatpoetry2 66M
12402 posts
7/15/2006 3:46 pm

I'm very surprised about this post. I'm sort of speechless. I never expected this from you.
I guess I owe you an apology.
In MY mind, you were just a pretty face, and not much more. Now I see that you ARE a real-live person. With problems and upsets, and a past.
I just figured you were SO good looking that you probably had life made. That you could cruise through life having everyone kiss your ass just to be near you. That was my mistake.
I hope I didn't make you feel that you HAD to tell anything personal, although I probably did.
I'm sorry.
I can't expect everyone to want to bare their souls. But please understand, when you see SO much fluff on these blogs, it does get annoying, to me, anyway.
I've been told by others that my profile on here [the other one, goodatgspots], is maybe the most honestly written one that they've ever seen. I may be TOO much into honesty for my own good. Or, for others to handle.
I shouldn't expect everyone to be like me. That isn't nice.
So, again, I apologize.
I was wrong.
In what I said, and, well, just everything.

rico5515 52M  
201 posts
7/15/2006 4:01 pm

Thanks Amberbabe,
The road of life has turns and bumps, you have hit the bumps, look for the smooth road, and have fun with your two girls.

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
7/15/2006 4:17 pm

I opened up your post this afternoon wondering "what is she curious about today?" I was shocked at what I read. I know how private you are, how you always try to present a happy face to the world, and how hard it was for you to post this. I wish I was there to hug you.

FunFlirty4u 45F

7/15/2006 4:43 pm

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through all that. I think you're popular in Blogland for a reason. People like you and your posts. Keep being you and doing what you do best!

rm_wink4u69 44M

7/15/2006 4:59 pm

Amber, Your inner strength and character make you a winner. Life is full of bumps in the road, and how we handle the bumps is what builds character and unfortunately seperates the winners and losers. No one deserves such emotional pain as you have endured but as you look back it is obvious to me that you have climbed to the top of the mountian. (Its lonely at the top because we have to sacrifice to get there.) There is also a lot to see once your on top, and Im sure you can see other mountians that you will climb. It is the next journy for all of us now, but with your heart and soul it apparent to me that nothing can hold you back. (Your girls are lucky that mom is so strong and blessed) stay happy and continued success! Scott

JaniSux 44F

7/15/2006 5:02 pm

Amb I applaud you. It took balls to tell something so private and soooo personal about yourself and I am in awe of you lady. Now in my book, this puts you right up there with someone else I admire bunches mzhunyhole

I've always known that you are real. I totally understand you not having wanted to tell something sooo private and I think that it was really brave of you to do so.



7/15/2006 5:24 pm

Amber.. we all have a past.. and even through my sappy sweet post that is as real as can get.. there are scars and stuffed closets that i choose not to open.. I have learned and grown from the pain.. it's done and I can't change any of it.. so I move on with a good attitude and do not take people or life for granted..
You owe us nothin except what you offer and my dear you have so much to offer.. your pain and sufferin has made you the beautiful, sexy lady you are today.

under the stars this is your blog.. do with it what you feel

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat

timberwolf6972 44M

7/15/2006 6:08 pm

Check this out HeartlessBitch69 !

rm_macallan4u 46M
968 posts
7/15/2006 6:52 pm

This blog I'm sure was not an easy one to post, but you shouldn't feel the need to justify yourself to anybody. Even if you are just here (as some of us are) for a little fun and frivolity it doesn't make you any less REAL.

Either way great, inspiring post. It shows us all that even in our darkest days, there is hope.

Thx and Hugs.

TheCliticals 34F/F

7/15/2006 7:07 pm

Amber, you didnt owe anything to anyone

After this post is anyone ever dares to criticise you I'll burn them in effigy and Sandy will get cast one of her old spells.

love, Dee

evil_lolita 34F

7/15/2006 7:16 pm

I feel sad that you had to open yourself up to justify you being a real person. I've always felt that real-ness about you, and respected that you had a sense of privacy. Not everyone has word vomit like me, after all

Sometimes - I'm not as in love as I present to the world at large. And on those days, I just want to crawl under the bed and hide.

It is easier to present a happy face, isn't it?

Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire

Alberta Nightlife Under 40 - check it out!

digdug41 49M

7/15/2006 7:20 pm

hey gurly I know your real I just wish you'd answer that darn cell when I call ya your a sweetheart and my sexy vixen glad you shared I like getting to know the peeps I got love for be good and I'll catch up with ya soon

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

ThickDick2323 105M

7/15/2006 8:31 pm

Here is an email I sent her once. It is just the poem...not the rest. She doesn't often respond to emails and chooses instead to blog it all out. Well sweetheart, of all the kind words we've shared...of all the "brownie points" I've chalked up from you with my words...these are my most sincere. I'd like to share them with everyone if you don't mind. You seem to be in a sharing mood. Kudos, lady. You are no less.

Who are you?
You say the craziest things.
You touch the lives of so many.
You do so much.
You are so beautiful in so many ways.
You tease my mind, my body, and my soul.
You are so far away, yet here every day.
Where can I find you outside of my heart?
Who are you?
Will I ever know?

You are the person I knew you to be. Very real. Very warm. Very kind. I count the days. I wish I could hold you now; but I must wait. And then, or course, find you in all of that damn snow. I never doubted you for a minute sweetie.

Passion247000 46F
3195 posts
7/15/2006 8:52 pm

Payton dear:

You are so young and yet you have suffered so by the men you loved. My heart aches for you.... I am glad you have your girls to keep you company and love you unconditionally...

Your writings are heart felt, sincere and witty....

I look forward to reading more of your stuff and get to know you....

Passion 24 x 7000

rm_cnilingsfan2 48M
158 posts
7/15/2006 9:04 pm

Thank you for sharing you, we all have a past some good and some very bad. You show allot of strength coming here day in and day out showing us a happy face and not letting some sad part of your past make you hard and cold. Most of us could not have guessed any of your story by how you act and treat all of us on your blog.
Thanks for letting me come here and act silly and ramble

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
7/15/2006 9:08 pm

Hugs Amber,
I don't think any of us regulars thought you weren't real, you've just chosen to take a lighter less burdensome path on most of your posts and they have kept me coming back. But this post is by far the BEST post of your's I have ever read, why? because it gave a glimpse of the wounded but strong soul of the survivor that lives in most of us here in Blogville. I am sorry you felt compeeled to defend yourself but I'm glad you let us in for a little while. We all love you. Give your girls and those beautiful mastiffs a big hug from me and my danes. Those two breeds would make some adorable pups but we'd be stoned to death by die hard breeders for cross breeding...lol Take care.
From one beautiful survivor to another,


MarcoPolo197676 39M
541 posts
7/15/2006 9:59 pm

Amber hopefully things are better now for you, and you find someone who will appreciate you for who you are.

SingleWarrior 52M

7/15/2006 10:21 pm

I'll be back in a bit to put my own thoughts on this subject. Got to gather them up and organize them without sounding like a rambling idiot...

rm_Shortdogg65 51M
672 posts
7/15/2006 11:01 pm

Still only 27 and already 3 strikes. Ah, but at least you've had some shots at it. Shortdogg

SingleWarrior 52M

7/15/2006 11:06 pm

Ok... let's see if this is coherent or not

I at one time considered myself a bit of a romantic. These days, I have no idea what to consider myself.

I was married at one time. It lasted for 9 years and 11 months. We had two wonderful children, both of whom are in the Air Force now.

My now-ex was fine, so I thought, in our marriage. Everything seemed luvy-luvy.

Then we moved to New mexico where her sister lived. She decided to have an affair with her sister's husbands best friend. That didn't set too well with me, and didn't sit to well with her sister's husband either. I found out my now-ex had been fooling everyone during the course of our marriage.

She had... problems when she was growing up with her stepdad. Her sister, however, seemed to enjoy what their stepfather did to them. It seemed my now-ex didn't like it, but we discovered she had a "father fixation". The guy she had the affair with was MUCH older (about hte same age as her stepfather was at the time he was around), grey haired and bearded.

I found out my ex used me, aka married me, to get away from the area where all of this took place (small town).

Anyways, our marriage started to fall apart then. Her sister didn't help, because she encouraged her to go out and be "free".

To this day, I think my now-ex *did* love me at the time, but the mental aspect became overwhelming for her.

Anyways, to get my family away from the deteriating relationships, I moved them. Once moved, however, my now-ex had ANOTHER affair, with ANOTHER similar man to her stepfather.

That was the last straw. She wasn't even trying now to help the marriage. Rather, she was trying to purposefully destroy it.

Fine. We'll get a divorce. We did. But all hell broke loose in the courts, where she became a VERY abusive person herself. Verbally, physically. You name it.

So much for the romance in my life.

That was 13 years ago we seperated. i've never remarried. I had one semi-long relationship that lasted three years. It was a rebounder. I was so blinded to what was really going on emotionally, I ended up with an even WORSE person.

That smashed my romanticism some more.

Never ever had another relationship since. To be honest, I am not sure exactly what I am searching for.

So, to the point, amberabercrombie, I can see where you're coming from, but just on the other side of the fence (the fence being the man/woman difference ).

Someday, as long as we're vigilant and keep our eyes, minds and hearts open for possibilities, what we're searching for will be found.

Chin up, girl. You're too sweet for anything less than achieving your dream/goal.

(hope that was coherant enough...)

SingleWarrior 52M

7/15/2006 11:11 pm

Oh, this *might* be a decent read for you as well. it's what I am doing about my little problem right now

That High School Sweetheart

*just realized this is the third post in a row... begs forgiveness for overtaking the blog )

barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
7/15/2006 11:28 pm

COmpassionate huggs xoxo

Its good to be...ME

Dildo_replacemen 38M

7/15/2006 11:46 pm

Wow Amber, that takes guts... real guts, to expose yourself like you have. I applaud you, you have more guts than I. Big hug! You're a wonderful person, amazing spirit, always cheerful, and your daughters are in the most capable hands I can think of. I have full confidence they will grow up to be the most amazing women, just like you!

I am truly sorry to hear about your past. No one deserves that, especially not you my dear! I can kind of relate - abusive father... but I have not found real love, so I can't make a direct comparison. All I can do is give you a great big hug, and let you know if you need help we are all there for you... what's his name, he's so toast!

intierzha 43M

7/16/2006 12:52 am

This is your space. What you choose to do is, as ever, up to you. Personally, I appreciate the insight into your life and background, but as long as you are comfortable, then wonderful. I enjoy what you have to say, regardless. Silly or not... 'real' or otherwise, I am usually entertained (like 95% or so, lol)

Take care,

LimasMooseRaper 58M
16 posts
7/16/2006 1:28 am

Hi.....just wanted to say I am new here and I really like your blog. Will have mine up soon. Good luck.

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
7/16/2006 2:18 am

your story touches me deeply. please know that far away you have someone who wishes the best for you and your children. i think they are lucky to have you for a mother.

my kisses to you.

UdderPuttyBiped 37M
102 posts
7/16/2006 5:13 am

Well, that does explain some things about you. But I never thought that you weren't "real". I pretty much assume everyone here has some kind of story, good bad or indifferent. I actually am not sure why people always assume some kind of objectification must be involved with sex. I mean, you have a site like this, designed to get people to hook up, and a large portion of people immediately think of it as some kind of masturbatory service.

What I mean by that is, people (and it's mainly men trust me I know) just think of it as a way to masturbate but using a warm female body while doing so. But there is always a person with real feelings on the other side, and it shouldn't matter whether sex is involved or not, respect for that should always be there.

Maybe it's some left over puritan impulse that makes us think that the pursuit of sex is somehow ignoble and degrades your value as a person. I do not buy that thinking, and it is my opinion that you should always treat someone like they matter, even if all you know them as is a picture on a screen. And that extends to any contact you have with them, whether extended or just a one time fling, all interaction should be with respect.

I also want to say that I appreciate your sharing your story with us, but you should not feel like it is demanded of you. I don't like talking about myself at all really, and I pretty much never bare anything of myself in my blog (not that it matters anyway, since nobody reads the stupid thing )You tell us what you want to, and don't worry about the fools.

bipolybabe 54F

7/16/2006 8:00 am

Thank you for sharing a bit of your story. As Evil_Lolita said, your realness has always come through.

What I've always enjoyed about your blogs is your ability to ask provocative questions, like how we would rate ourselves as lovers, would we webcam, why or why not...and asking in a way that is sweet and non-threatening.

So, write whatever you like. Share your own journey or don't. It's all up to you.


And, we gave 'em a hell of a run!


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

leftcold 50M
6 posts
7/16/2006 8:47 am


It takes great courage to post like that..I am in awe, of both your inner strength,and outer beauty.

It is too bad that the "men" you did this exist.. Your girls are better off this way.

This is the first time I have rad your blog, and I think I will follow it.

I hope you find true happiness with someone. man or woman (but find a real man ok? someone who will respect you, not the bottom feeders)


000TBoy 42M
194 posts
7/16/2006 9:02 am

onwards and upwards to you and yours x

wickedeasy 66F  
25468 posts
7/16/2006 10:08 am

i didn't read the comments - so forgive me if i am repeating what others have already said -

you don't owe anyone here anything - this is a blog - not your life and if you want to share - then share - but if you feel certain things are private - keep them that way

your blog is always well attended - i rarely comment altho i do visit often - and i have found an open heart, and an open mind - a young woman with a sense of humor and the ability to give others a lift in their day

seems like a lot of people take this a bit too seriously - myself included i suppose - but the bottom line is - YOU get to decide jsut waht YOU write, what YOU share and fuck 'em if they can't take a joke


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

rm_suckthishog2 38M

7/16/2006 10:20 am


TabithaElectra 37F

7/16/2006 10:53 am

I think you're incredible for putting this out there on your blog. I have a real hard time writing about anything personal, but you know something? Our blogs here are ours if someone doesn't like what's in them, they don't have to read them. There are no rules on what a blog should be like on this site. Stay in your comfort zone until you feel ready to extend its boundaries, big hugs to ya!

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
7/16/2006 11:15 am

I'm glad you shared a little about yourself Amber. If you have trust issues in RL...reaching out here a little can help. I've taken some "risks" here in my blog as well more or less to test the waters for RL...enjoy your day...and heres a big ol Western Canadian *HUG*..

Molyminer 61M
75 posts
7/16/2006 3:15 pm

Hands down, the eyes have it. I wonder if your daughters' are as pretty as you.

BadAssBlonde1 56F
4989 posts
7/16/2006 3:58 pm

Hello Amber,

I have been doing ok but have been extremely busy with life. The net is down on my priority list during these times. I have so enjoyed getting to know you and there is no need to worry about Lady Hunter darlin' ... If anyone gets out of line around here, which they have done on occassion; I just make 'em sit in the damn corner til I see the need for them to come out. Ahem, moving right along...doing fabulous, a great deal of travel and have I told you lately how lovely you are looking. *G*

Lady Hunter {=}

After all the sex is gone, there is the mind - Lady Hunter / BAB

Copyright © House of Lady Hunter 1998-2009

rm_Pervy_Nudist 52M

7/16/2006 4:24 pm

Most of us have some negative issues re: our pasts. I have some myself, however, at this point I am not in a position to talk about them here in an open forum.
You certainly should never feel ashamed about talking about how you feel. The things that have happened to you were not your fault. I give you much credit for speaking out.

Anyhoo...I thank you for visiting my blog today. I'm new here and it is nice to see another new face.
If you ever need a yack session I can definately jabber w/ the best of them.

Peace and Be Well - Wolf


7/16/2006 6:14 pm

There are more problems in this day in age then that which could have occured dear.I've been married and lost 8 years of my life there or so I thought until I saw the silver lining in that cloud.Had a fiancee' for 4 years with a 2 year old son I just recently buried on this past memorial day weekend.Hadn't really found the silver lining in that one yet but working on it.Everything that happens to us is a learning experience for the greater thing to come to us later Amber.Grasp it, hold on to it, and remember every detail of it because it will be used again later in your life whether to a friend or someone a friend of yours knows and then they can come to you for advice.There are so many possibilies as to why it happened but the thing you have to remember is this.It was done for a reason and you need to learn from it.Take care for now hun and I will be keeping an eye on you as well as some others I know in here.

Greekgirl4u06 39F

7/16/2006 6:53 pm

sounds like you have got your head together, keep up the good work girl!

cobra70118 105M

7/16/2006 8:24 pm


I just like you for who you are Miss Amber. At least for me, who you are always kind of came through your blogs. Through all the silly fun. A very neat and totally cool person.

rm_M_I_L_F_ 43M/111F
56 posts
7/16/2006 9:39 pm

have to say...this is this first blog i read that someone truly opened up about themselves...dont think u meed to justify yourself to anyone...most of us if we admit it have had our problemes also...just remember...keep smilin

ThickDick2323 105M

7/16/2006 10:49 pm

Hey there. I saw your network bulletin. Don't delete me! That sounds like it hurts. Besides - I like having you as a friend. {=}

tracy_de_lacy 105F
9268 posts
7/17/2006 1:34 am

It is amazing how many women on this site have led parallel lives. It seems women like us get drawn to it. Thank you for sharing a little piece of yourself with us. I seriously dount that anyone will make fun of you for that.

Bye everyone, it was a blast

rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
7/17/2006 4:15 am

Wonderful, Amber, speaking as a mother, here, I'm so glad you've pulled it all together! Only wish my own daughter could do as well as you have...but I know she eventually will, when enough bricks hit her in the head!



rm_Benkai7 55M
2358 posts
7/17/2006 7:03 am

Dear "amberabercrombie".

I don愒 know you ... but reading you in context ... reading the unspoken and unwritten ... there is a soft and tender heart beating ... some like to cover, hide or shield it, even for themselves ... but nevertheless it is there ... it beats every second for each loss, each mistake and for each good intention ... as well as for every dream, every wish ... we dream or try to realise ... true open hearts are easy to hurt ... but these hearts will get back stronger than before ... because these hearts have given all what can be given and remain true to oneself ...



... The idea of showing others a "unknown" blog is a great idea and doing so too ... You didn愒 want to hurt someone ... that is what counts ... just my opinion ...

FriendlyFuk66 49M

7/17/2006 7:14 am

The only thing I can think of is the people that would make a joke out of what you said or even poke fun at you for what you've been through. Now I've been called a heartless bastard before because of some of the things that I've seen working in law enforcement, but you took control and got your life back on track. I think that is admirable and just wish I could meet a gal like you. I wish you the best in whatever the future holds for you and your daughters. You asked a question about whether your oldest was better off and in my opinion she is since her dad never really wanted to be a father. The saying about how any male can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father is very true and unfortunately that male wasn't a real man.

Fletch8491 50M

7/17/2006 7:27 am

Amber....I am not sure what drove you to open up, but I want you to know that it didn't go unappreciated from this reader. You have been through alot in your 27 years, more than I have in my 39. You stay strong and keep your head up. It sounds like you have handled what life has dealt you with a maturity and dignity that you should be pround of. Those of us who have not had to deal with such adversity are really the weaker people here.

Take care,

rm_hitler1001 37M
22 posts
7/17/2006 7:41 am

Hi gals and feminine.If u r in India that to in Bangalore gals email me for unlimited , real sex from the strong cocky,manly man.These r not just words, words of wisdom by a manly man who really knows what it takes to be in pleasure.Please don't look for contents,look for satisfying ur appetite and if u believe in these words then wisdom and reality will open before u and u can clearly judge who is what and what.
Thank you.

rm_devilsgrin69 51M
223 posts
7/17/2006 8:12 am


Life has it's good and bad times.
It's what we learn from these times that shape us.

Believe in what you do, to some of us it is cathartic.

love always

soulripper2005 47M

7/17/2006 9:56 am

It愀 showing a good soul for posting this words.
You are trusting in people, reading this!!!

After this bad times i wish You only good times for You and your two daughters!!!

And the one and only Mr. Right, with a big heart, a good soul careing for you and your family

It愀 a good start to joke about the bad times!!

Believe and it will happen!!

Gr. Soul

ChrisDL 47M

7/17/2006 2:35 pm

Thank you for sharing with us all amber - that could not have been easy for you to write.

I'm sure someone else has said it better - but for me its a pleasure to read whatever you share about your real life or your fantasy life.

I hope you get whatever you want out both

rm_BanginBunni 40F

7/17/2006 4:06 pm

it's easy and hard to lt all that go, kp smiling girl!!

docdirk 47M

7/17/2006 5:57 pm

Just wanted to say - I've never been fonder of you then I am now... and that's saying something! The fact that you have retained your great sense of humor and caring nature speaks volumes of your kind heart.

Your daughters are very lucky little ladies indeed!

As for me, I recently unburdened my soul on the blogs for the first time too: A Solitary Memory

Ahhh... the joys of life.

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
7/17/2006 9:10 pm

Call me shallow and stupid. Na, dont bother, thats been done.
Your past is important inasmuch its helped to build the YOU NOW.
Its that you we know here and love.
You dont owe a thing babe, really.

Twister2bed 47M
617 posts
7/17/2006 9:12 pm

In short...here I am now....im now 27...with not one but two beautiful girls...a great job...good friends...good health...what more could I ask for....what more could I want.

Indeed the road getting to this point might have been hard, But truely what more could anyone have or hope for Amber.


meerkittykat 42F

7/17/2006 10:32 pm


I knew you were creative and competitive....

All this made you very real, and that's simply beautiful.

Thanks for bringing this story. I'm honoured to be a part of a community you feel comfortable enough to share with.

rm_adultexplore 47M

7/18/2006 6:04 am

Amber...you have nothing to fear. You sound like a level headed woman (a very sexy and deserving one at that). You've done what is best for you and your daughters, which is most important. Whatever you feel like revealing about yourself is good enough for me (and anyone on here I would imagine)...So, how long have you been a pervert? and do you firmly consider yourself one (I think that's very cool and brave of you to embrace it). Would love to hear from you...

leo_tron 60M

7/18/2006 9:57 am

It is kinda interesting - or counter intuitive, how at this site of front hoof stompin desires, there seems to be more honesty and sincerity expressed than other places in life....

Had the thought last night, regarding 'religion' that there are those who profess great dedication to it - but actually show little of action, or at times great disrepect to the concepts, while there are others who actually walk the walk, but do not seek the 'religous' symbols... similiar somehow?

ANyway - love your sincerity

rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
7/18/2006 2:13 pm

Ah, but even if the hurt is there, you have the solemn pride of having had the strength to ditch an abusive relationship and in spite of your hardships raise a young lady. I applaude you for that, and wish you the best in the future.

Dildo_replacemen 38M

7/18/2006 3:37 pm

    Quoting amberabercrombie:
    Well you know I will take a big ole hug from you anytime! !

    Off topic..I just notice that everyone off my watch list is gone from my blog doing down yet again yesterday..im not sure if im in your watch list..but if I am..did you lose me off yours?

    Thanks hun!
I do have your blog on my watch list.. And I didn't loose you off of it. However numerious times now I see a "new post" click the link to find no new post - frustrating.

Off to a different topic, do you have Matiffs or just your mom? They are by far the cutest dogs in the world - we had a number of Bull Mastiffs growing up. Love them to bits! - new pic in my network!

rm_ChiRugger 42M

7/18/2006 5:55 pm

Your a brave soul to wake up every day and be as up beat as you are. I have lived a semi-charmed life, and hope I never get kicked by the world as hard as you have. You show great character and strength. Keep the chin up (as I know you will). For the record I have been reading your blog for the past several months only because I have always felt that you are real. I believe the Hindus say "Namaste" Meaning "the light in me acknowledges the light in you."

rm_tlaw781 38M

7/20/2006 5:30 pm

Damn a guy loses his computer for a week and he comes back to this!

First I'm trying to catch up on your crazy canadian life and I see all this. I didn't get any posting about a contest so I think I should thank you. Sounds like you plastered everyone! Yeah I'm not everyone. Ha Ha

Like a broken record I always point out I think everything happens for a reason, because with my internet being down I got come to this with a fresh opinion. So maybe that was the reason. Regardless it made me think of a lot reading it and I'm sure I'll take the next few days to process and see more reasons hopefully.

I would like to say how sad the world can be and how fucked up people can be too. When I worked in the homeless shelter I saw the worst people I've ever seen and the best.

I saw a mother with the most amazing children who got picked up by her crack dealer because we didn't allow drugs. Those kids will always be in my mind and I can only hope they were able to overcome the obstacles. They were so loving and they always felt like my kids when they were there. I saw a father who tried to cut his throat in front of his children and watched as his wife cried. Those children lost in the shuffle haunt my dreams sometimes.

I saw people who overcame though. People who despite the worst held a light up to the rest of the world showing they would not dim. They would not treat others how they were treated. They would not continue down the line everyone expected them to.

I tried to do all I could in the four years I worked there. I cried. I smiled. I laughed. I screamed in frustration. But I miss that place like it was my own.

Now I'm reading your blog and it's just another piece in the puzzle for me and as always comforting. Thank you for your comment on my blog but I have to say the same.Your writing is amazing and it's not a mystery why I'm attracted to them

I have been attracted to your writings because of all they have said. You are the people who overcome and do the best they can. I could read between each line you wrote to see much of what was in your heart and yet I saw the light. You do deserve the praise you receive from other on here because you could have gone the complete opposite way. Your girls could have been so bad off.

I'm not saying your perfect or you don't fuck up or make mistakes. I am saying that I don't care if the whole of blog knows that I would open my door to you at any time for whatever reason. Wanna talk fine. Laugh great. Cry just the same. Keep on keeping on, but I know you already know that. Happy belated birthday!

rm_navyjax2 37M
7 posts
7/20/2006 11:45 pm

Always wondered what it was about girls that made them keep going back to the wrong guys. Don't even know if it's just about the kids/pregnancies, either. Seen it happen without them, where the girl goes back. Wish girls would just open their eyes to the nice, but sex-starved guys that are out there; sick of nice guys always finishing last 'cause the girl sees some macho-type or whatever. Takes a beating from him and keeps going back.... Because of that attitude girls have I will forever be lonely....

rm_loneremily 33F
328 posts
7/26/2006 9:01 am

You are always real, friend. You don't owe anyone shit! I'm glad you feel better about yourself!

Ellora2006 46F

7/29/2006 8:52 pm

I applaud you for your courage. In the face of adversity, you have continued to stand up and protect your daughters as well as seek your own happiness. What a great life lesson for them as well as the rest of us! It sounds like you have more strength and courage than most!

I am deeply honored to have shared your story. I agree with most of the above group that it is certainly not something that we, as readers, are owed, but it is a beautiful gift, you have given us.
Thank you,

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