Just a facade  

amb_lily 40F
371 posts
1/4/2006 4:09 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Just a facade

It’s been bothering me lately, how many compliments and how much respect I’ve been given for being a mother, employee and student.

Perhaps I have created a fa├žade of an unwavering woman, but its just not so. Sometimes I just wish someone would take care of me instead of me taking care of everything in my world. Yet on the other hand, I don’t see it as such an achievement as more of something I have to do.

Its not that I wouldn’t be a dedicated mother, employee, etc.…it’s just that if there were something that I could do to make it easier, I certainly would.

I don’t think that I am praiseworthy, I only do what I have to and even though I struggle through everyday there isn’t a moment that passes by that I wish I didn’t have to.

I don’t take compliments very well because I do not see what others do; actually…perhaps its that I see so much more than others do that makes me feel unworthy.

Would they still admire me if they knew some days I felt so helpless?
Would they still think highly of me knowing I would contemplate choosing the easy road if it ever came in sight?
Would they still hold me in high regards if they knew most days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs at how unfair life is (yet would feel guilty for doing so)?

I wonder sometimes if they realize that I have just barely organized my life enough to manage work, college and children…and even then my life dangles precariously on financial imbalances. The compliments remind me of how hard it is, and my “woe is me” thoughts drown my optimistic views.

I have been gloomy for too long now; I hope my buoyant self returns soon, though I am seriously beginning to ponder its existence.

rm_n82ner 41M

1/4/2006 6:00 pm

You are beautiful . . . and well worth admiring, even from afar.

Lookout4 39M

1/5/2006 9:29 am

I think you may have alot of difficulty with your day to day life, but you do deserve praise. You said that you would choose the easy way out but you haven't. Here are some things I know from the limited times we have spoke vs. the easy way.

1) (commendable) Raising two children alone vs. (easy) Abortion, adoption. I also am raising a 9 yr. old girl and see the challenges of one let alone two children.

2) (commendable) going to school vs. (easy) I have seen many friends have children and drop out of school until they feel enough time has passed that it is "convienent" for them to return (ehich never happens).

3) (commendable) Working and not only working but working your way up to GM vs. (easy) accepting a low paying job that fits your schedule.

Bottom line is that you have alot to be proud of in your accomplishments so far and it is my opinion that you have faced adversity in the strongest manner, meaning you have accepted all challenges head on without backing down. Don't confuse that with trying to find someone to love and share your responsibilities with, we are all looking for that.

P.S. I found the pictures finally. LOL

mister1derful4u 43M

1/5/2006 11:17 am

Life can be tough and I commend you for taking on challenges that make it even harder. Much respect for you girl.

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