First words  

altair1030 64M
2 posts
6/4/2006 11:08 am

Last Read:
6/26/2006 12:02 am

First words


There’s a purity to the desert that I can’t find anywhere else. The sparse vegetation, the stark, jagged landscape, sun-blistered and sterile… it’s evocative, primal, cleansing. Long stretches of crackling hot empty highway are where I find reprieve from the cacophony of my life. I am drawn by these rifle-shot straight roads that lead nowhere, elsewhere… to empty my head of crap, to allow me to hear the strident whispering of my soul, to listen for subconscious hints from the godhead that struggles to steer me true.

Vegas is my new home now. A Mecca for the indulgent masses, I can walk among the thoughtless tourists invisible, safe, innocuous, free to go about my uncertain business. As chance allows, I abandon the oasis it is, and go hurtling out into the desert emptiness, losing myself in its vastness… in order to find myself.

I have bought a house, isolated, private, and so I have encumbered myself with a convenient burden, an excuse to stay put, rooted to this place, for a while at least. And I have bought a car, a truly magnificent automobile, a frivolous indulgence that is contrariwise essential to me, to my koyaniskatsi, my crazy life… A means to escape to the roads that lead nowhere. This Mustang GT… god, sometimes I would wince at the thought of my irresponsibility, why did I allow it?... is a stealth fighter, a rocket ship that conveys me to… somewhere. I think it is a good choice, as it has incredible speed to test my reactions, and it allows me to dance on the knife-edge between disaster and exuberance, death and deliverance. The speedometer reads to 140 miles per hour, but the car’s capabilities outstrip that handily, and I have tabulated a chart, sticky-note affixed to the dash, to allow me to convert engine speed to velocity… 4500 RPM equals 150 MPH, 4950 is 165. On the empty straight-aways I test its limits, my limits, and now I know why I did allow this indulgence… Adrenalin is a drug, an addiction, and I have embraced it, perhaps to hallucinate with it back to my true self.

For some reason, probably childish, I have chosen a name for my new life, a name that is symbolic to me, that will be a reminder to stay my course, though that still is not delineated: Altair, a star, a beacon, a light to steer by… It is Alpha Aquila, the primary member of the constellation Aquila, the eagle… In the star charts, it hangs on the neck of the bird… Is it an encumbrance, a noose? I think not, hope not. The mythology of this unobtrusive point of light in the summer night sky is no longer familiar to me, too many years since my casual studies of star names, but my recollection is that there is nothing worrisome, foreboding in it… So this name will be the name of my sojourn.

twirly_girl 47F

6/4/2006 11:29 am

Welcome to blogland.
I hope your star leads you to where you want to be.


-Nikki


altair1030 64M

6/4/2006 11:38 am

Thanks sweetheart... it already is!


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