where to start?  

allisgone 39M
12 posts
5/25/2006 11:59 pm

Last Read:
5/29/2006 11:02 pm

where to start?

did i leave out the beginning? well it starts like all fairy tells.. i meet a girl at work thought she was so f'ing hot but she was with some one so i did nothing. after some time she was single and said she always had a crush on me.. well we got together for 6-7 months she said she loved me i loved her and her body, and then she was just gone.. no good by no reason just left with out a word. one night she loved me the next day she was out of my life and i was left with the fucking WHY. why did she do it? why did she leave? why????
that was 8 months ago and the pain is still here the rage is still, the hurt is all i have now, that and the why. and so why go on? it has been so long i have had lady's since and none take away this hole in my soul.. i drink my self to sleep every night and still dream about her,
i hate my life i hate this world and it is time to die. see you in hell

gypsy1629 41F

5/27/2006 12:51 pm

Please reconsider your plan....suicide is not going to help anything at all...get counseling, talk to family and friends, get a hobby (or several) anything to help you heal...Yes, knowing the why? of it all would bring you closure and give you answers but I know you can live life to the fullest without it...all it takes is effort and healing...and the wanting to heal...On here you will meet many great people, many who will share in your pain and grief of this woman...to give you courage, to move on and enjoy life...write more about how your feeling in your blog....writing can be a great release for you and is something that will help with the healing process....feel your feelings but then gently let them go...do this slowly or all at once...either way works....another tip to your healing process would be to let up on the booze....while your drunk the feelings will either dissipate to a blur or they will intensify....either way they will be there when you sober up...to feel again...the booze is definitely a temporary fix that is of no help at all but to numb your nerves for a bit...if you want to talk let me know in my blog or an email...I will answer you...you will find I am in a similar situation but my relationship was 7 years long...and I know most of the why...but the pain was devastating and crushing...that was two months ago...I wake up I feel my feelings and on most days I can tuck them away and continue on with my day...usually with a smile on my face...you my friend are in my prayers....


flagg134 36M
1582 posts
5/27/2006 1:04 pm

Well when things get their darkest you have to remember that the only way from there is up. What you have to do is go back out there and start living your life. It will help you forget the pain of your past and you will find new friends happiness and you owe it to yourself to try.

Before you do this give yourself a chance. You aren't the only person affected by your actions. I've been there on both sides both as a victim of someones suicide then I thought of it myself. There are many good people here and we are willing to talk and help you if you ever need a friend feel free to contact me through my blog or email.

Regardless what you think people care don't make a mistake that you
can't erase.

Ubermik 49M
209 posts
5/28/2006 1:30 am

Firstly this sounds more like obsession than love from the rather short timescale

Love in the true sense of the word as far as I am concerned is a feeling you have for a person, a whole person, one you know and can still have respect and adoration for on EVERY level

And if you knew this woman on every level you would KNOW why she left, so obviously you didnt love her, merely the bits of her you did know

I dont think dying for love is so bad, not do I think its so bad for someone to take their own life as I believe its their life and their choice and if thats what they want they should continue an unhappy existence based on the wishes of what other people selfishly expect from them

Seems contradictive that people praise someone who dies for someone through a gallant gesture, will class romeao and juliet as a "love story" rather than the diary of two insane nutters who need therapy and then when faced with someones real life proclaimed love and wish to not carry on without someone will talk them out of it

But consider this, killing yourself for someone you love and who loved you equally in return is one act, but doing it for someone you think YOU love but who doesnt love you in return is a different one entirely, do you think she loves or really loved you?

And killing yourself. or more commonly threatening to, or attempting to expecting to be found intime to try to get someone back or make them feel bad for what they did rarely works and just makes them realise they did the right thing by leaving someone SOOOOOO mentally unstable

The best way to have any impact at all on someone is to live your life and not miss a step, show them that them leaving DIDNT have the impact they expected

Having seen how long this blog was updated for I personally reckon this isnt a precursor to suicide but merely a cry for help, validation and sympathy because deep down you have your misgivings about whether she is worth it

And to be honest someone who would walk away from someone and not give a reason knowing how that person feels quite clearly doesnt love them or an equally likely case, and one I am sorry to say made that likely by the tone and reasoning behind this thread didnt give a reason because that would mean having to deal with how that person will react which we can clearly see here wouldnt have been pretty

I personally think you have applied the word love far too easily and innacurately here, and if its as it seems only a one way obsession its not worth any form of gesture at all

Objectively whether you choose to do it or dont is completely irrelevant to me as it will have no impact on my life whatsoever so excuse the lack of sympathy or empathy as I class them as being hollow and meaningless expressions to or from a stranger

But that aside either you will reconsider, conclude you have hit bottom and sort yourself out, if you do then I would suggest you get some therapy so you can handle lifes knocks better in future and see things like this as they should be seen, a hiccup, one that sucks big time sure, but still only a hiccup or a blip. If you do decide to go ahead with the suicide tho make sure you dont botch it

The world has plenty of crippled and braindamaged people too disabled to finish the job and there after stuck in their own personal hell and unable to enjoy the life they are now stuck living to any reasonable degree

At the end of the day its your choice and nothing anyone else can say will to any great degree have the ability to alter it if you have made your mind up

But a "choice" is only really made when the pro's and con's of BOTH sides have been considered in detail

Good luck which ever way you go on this, like I said, its your life, your choice and you that has to live or not with the consequences. But the gravity of the decision should surely need a long time considering, longer than you would devote tp buying a car, moving house or changing jobs

So if you are going to make this choice do it properly because you only get one chance at it with no work overs later

phoenix639 49F

5/28/2006 1:54 am

As you can see many are looking out for you.

You have caused a great deal of concern amongst us.

We are all here if you need a friend.

phoenix639 49F

5/28/2006 3:16 am

Yes allisgone its your choice.

But unfortunately Ubermik doesnt seem to think of others here either.

How can he tell you that you didnt really love this woman.

Love can be described as an obsession in a way cant it.

Now...ubermik seems to think he is some kind of pyschotherapist. Albeit a bad one.

I am disgusted that a fellow human being would almost goad another into taking their own life.

All i can say is...ubermik you are not worthy of being part of the human race with your cruel attitudes & lack of empathy.

Ubermik 49M
209 posts
5/28/2006 4:03 am

I think you need to re read what I wrote without the preconception personally, I niether goaded him into it nor tried to talk him out of it as either can be the thing that push different people in different mindsets over the edge

What I DID do however is to give him things to consider, possible flaws in his perception of what this is or isnt as well as some downsides to bear in mind if he DID decide to try this which many will choose to ignore at the outset

Nobody can stop someone who has decided to commit suicide from doing so, and words of kindness can just as easily by re-iterating their current percieve vaccum of it be the final straw as words of animosity

That said I am as valid a part of the human race as anyone else, and just because someones view or approach to a situation isnt the same as yours does NOT make it less valid, merely different. And no view or approach works as well for every person but every approach works for someone which is something you should try to bear in mind rather than taking the rather arrogant and self justifying stance that yours is somehow magically right for every person and every scenario because the bad new is that it isnt and based on so little information on the background here and the person writing it nobody could unquestionably know the right approach

And calling someone insane for considering suicide as has been done here albeit in an implied fashion is hardly going to create a "feel good" glow in someone in this kind of mindset and emotional turmoil is it? Yet you CHOOSE not to denigrate responses along those lines Phoe, funny that!

And just picking up on "ubermik doesnt seem to think of others here" well duh, we ARE talking about irrelevant and quite possibly fake strangers arent we? Lets put it into perspective

Also what you then extrapolated about what that says about me could equally be applied to the blog poster as suicide ALSO shows no sign of "thinking about others" which then leads to the blog poster also having no place in the human race by default and the application of your own logic

And you came here to cheer him up you reckon?

I have no control over how you choose to interpret what I write, and it IS a choice. Similarly I have no compuncture to alter it to facilitate a better understanding as I believe if someone doesnt "get someone" they never will. But in the same way I would never claim my view is "right" niether is your chosen and deliberately pointed way of interpretting it no matter how much you might like to think it is

Ubermik 49M
209 posts
5/28/2006 4:16 am

Oh yeah, and I didnt TELL him he didnt love her, I said he didnt love the entire person and that in MY opinion that isnt love

Theres a massive difference between those two things both in essence and grammatical portrayal, you can read what you WANT to read and CHOOSE to read till you are blue in the face, but it will never in a month of Sundays make it what was ACTUALLY written Phoe

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