My Sister and I (Adopted Into Hell)  

alice593 71M
43 posts
7/18/2005 9:08 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My Sister and I (Adopted Into Hell)


When I was six and my sister was eight, we were adopted out of an orphanage in New Jersey near New York City. My deceased mother's sister and husband adopted us. They wanted to take my sister first to see how things went, but my sister said you adopt both of us or you get neither one of us. So we both got adopted. We thought it was a good thing, getting out of the orphanage. Due to laws at that time in Iowa, they had to buy a house, or else they couldn't adopt us. That is what we were told by them anyway. It was like living in a prison. I wasn't able to play with kids of my age, because they wouldn't be within a block radius of where I lived. There were nothing but a lot younger kids in the neighborhood. My mother would do things with me. I would make model planes and cars, or play with my toys.

She was quick on the trigger, every little thing would set her off, as far as beating us. Even if we didn't do anything wrong. One time I was crying, and she dressed me in my older sister's dress and made me stand outside in a screen enclosed carport where everyone could see me for four hours.

While taking piano lessons, if I hit a wrong note, she would wack me over the knuckles with a thick eighteen inch ruler. Maybe that is how I learned how to play the piano so well, and the organ eventually.

I really think she got a kick out of beating us. She would use anything in sight. It got to a point where I was afraid to do anything in fear she wouldn't like it and beat me.

The only outlet for me was Cub Scouts, where I was allowed to go somewhere with kids my age and enjoy life a little. But, when the Den Mother gave it up, my mother of all people took it over. The person, who was Den Mother, took over helping in Dad's Club Baseball for elementary school kids. Thanks to that, and being the same woman who had the Den Mother Job before, I got to get away and do that. That soon ended in a couple of years, drat. By the time I entered junior high, thanks to her, I was an outsider looking in at the fun friends were having together. She wouldn't let me play sports in junior high, saying I might get hurt. I was her baby. Oh my, wouldn't let me grow up!!!! To have some kind of interest in my life, I had art in elementary school, junior high, and high school. I sang in choruses in elementary school, junior high, and A Cappella my junior and senior years of high school. In junior high, I was keen on the architecture of Frank Lloyd Wright, and started designing homes. Anything to keep myself in my room and out of my mother's way. She kept beating us all through junior high and high school. Even after I graduated from high school, I got beat. One day, while weeding the garden which was about 40 feet from the house, my mother said something to me from the kitchen window. I couldn't hear her and asked her what she said. She came out and beat me in front of all the neighbors. With all that I never rebeled and hit her. One time, when my mother started hitting my sister, my sister finally had enough and had a fist fight with my mother. My father never knew about any of this, because he was never home when it happened and wouldn't believe us. Well when he came home the night my mother and my sister had a fight, he saw my mother all bloody. She told him my sister beat her up, because she scolded her about something. She never said she was beating her. My father kicked my sister out of the house. My sister was in her senior year of high school. To this day, my sister has been in and out of mental institutions and had tried to commit suicide a few times. I thought I wasn't affected, but while in the armed services it finally caught up with me and cracked. I vowed to myself, that I would lick this thing and I did. Yes, it still has an affect on me, but I have been able to live a normal life for the most part. One thing I left out earlier, my mother would make me wear lipstick and other makeup when in elementary and junior high school. Only at home though. She thought it was cute. Little did she know, that even though I had a male body I had a lot more female going in me. So I got used to some of what I will need to do when I transgender.

Hope none of you had that kind of experience. If you did, write about it. It is good to get it out of your system. Even if it is not in a blog, it could get you out of your internal misery. I kept it all in, and almost paid a bad price for it. When I opened up to the psychiatrist in the branch of the armed forces I was in, you wouldn't believe how much better I felt and I was able to move on with my life.

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
7/21/2005 1:57 am

it does help even just to talk about it and get it out to understand it a bit better,

I would probably get along a bit better with my mother if she would do so, unfortunately on top of the abuse she copped as a kid she doesn't remember majority of her years of treatment and recovery, which was when we were growing up...

she has developed her own past and stories, and I think even her short term memory has been effected, she see's absolutely everything differently to anyone else, and god help you if you see it otherwise, she doesn't cop very well with her poor memory...

I am kind of glad I learnt as part of growing up that it was better to talk about it than to hold it in, I think it has made a big difference in how I have come through it, even if none of us who remember speak to her about it....

WyvernRose


alice593 71M

7/21/2005 11:25 am

Yes it does help. One of my sister's psychiatrists told her to talk to my mother about it. My mother's response to her was, " I just wanted you kids to love me. " Well what she did was a sure fire way to get us to hate her.


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
7/21/2005 7:13 pm

before my mother had even obtained treatment she was asked by my grandfathers psychiatrist to confront him about what he did, when she asked him why he did it, he told her she wanted it, she asked for it,

no child asks for it

that is what actually triggered the start of the worst of the years, that was when she started to remember what happened, and honestly I think the remembering is what has burnt out her memory, more so than her having actually dealt with it.

WyvernRose


alice593 71M

7/22/2005 12:16 am

So really sorry to hear. Too bad things that we have seen happen, have to happen. Lives are really messed up by those things.


rm_Jezdatip 64F
1335 posts
8/4/2005 1:07 am

Sharing and venting is good..You are a strong person in spite of the history..Look at it this way, you perservered ..you are a survivor..


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
8/6/2005 2:59 am

yep exactly Jezdatip

WyvernRose


alice593 71M

8/11/2005 11:15 am

Yes, Jezdatip and wyvernrose, I have. It hasn't been easy, but I survived a lot of things. Thank you both so much.


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