Someone please tell me....  

alexzia 39F
68 posts
10/28/2005 9:52 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Someone please tell me....

I am an honest sincere down to earth girl who just wants to feel loved and respected. I do everything for my man... He doesn't work cause... he doesnt like to, he got thrown in jail for back child support... I raised the $1000.00 to get him out. I paid for his probation fees $330.00. Bought him a used SUV $1900.00. I wait on him hand and foot. Learned to love UFC and football because its what he loves. Rub his feet with alcohol, put lotion on him when he wants, cooks for him, do anything sexually for him that he may ask. I even conditioned myself to swallow for him even though in my 28yrs Ive been disgusted by the idea. But because I love him I trained myself to do it to where I actually enjoy it now because it gives him pleasure. I gave him a two hour BJ... I dont stop till hes satisfied. I cater to his every need... give him unending love and affection. I do all these things out of love, not because I am trying to buy his love or expect anything in return. But what about me?? you may think... yeah... what about me... I am ignored most of the time... when he wants something he says come over here and suck on me. No sexual attention towards me... its like I have to be a light switch.. no turning me on. I give him a BJ and he watches TV during. OH he can be sweet about 20% of the time. Does a random thing here or there... but most of the time he never shows me any affection or that he cares about me. I love him and would die for him... but I dont think I would get the same consideration... and everytime we have an arguement or any issues come up (usually cause I get tired of the BS and stand up for myself) he throws me out of the house and tells me to go back to my empty apartment where I have no clothes or food. And when we are together he doesnt even bother to talk to me.. damn it I am a gemini.... thats like asking a whore if shes a virgin. Why do I stay? because I love him and am terrified to be alone.. I cant imagine being in my apartment alone with no one to be around. Because I was raised around terminally ill children I have a subconcious desire to fix the world. The healers heart they call it...Hes spent every last cent I have I dont even have money for food. He has the nerve to call me and tell me that i treated him terribly (cause I got mad he spent my last $10.00 on drugs) and I dont let him be a man....so maybe I should stay at my apartment this weekend. What is wrong with me? What have I done or what is it about me that is so unloveable? Why dont I deserve to be hugged and kissed...Told that I am beautiful and sweet. My God I dont expect much... but at least some consideration and some affection would be nice. A random note in my purse saying I love you. A simple how was your day babe? Or Are you ok? Instead of What the fucks wrong with you? plz someone tell me whats wrong with me....


ecstasy_2000 48M
1 post
10/28/2005 10:43 am

u r just 2 nice i think u should stop giving him the 2 hour bj and find some one that respecs u


Straycatsetsuko 61F

10/28/2005 11:01 am

That guy needs to be set out with the trash. And you need to open your eyes.


AltumHunksUnite 53M

10/28/2005 12:13 pm

I guess the real question is... do you love him so much that you're willing to put up with everything you just told us?

A "no" answer means it's time for you to make a change.

A "yes" answer means that things will stay that way until one of you decides to cheat.

Let me drive. I like the view


lostingatineau 36M
1 post
10/28/2005 1:40 pm

Hey I know exactly what your going through, cept i do all the cooking cleaning, etc. i am a stay at home dad and i teach at algonquin college in ottawa, even though i love her i had enough and im taking action sometimes its better to let go and be done with it, dont hurt yourself dont change yourself for anyone find someone who likes you for who you are!


way2big2000 38M
16 posts
10/28/2005 4:26 pm

hey i feel for you. i realy do. i know what it like to be that alone. but the pain do'sent go away. it neaver does. you need to go the way you need and find what you are looking for


carpetride69 40M
1 post
10/29/2005 7:10 am

You must be crazy. Any guy would be go crazy for just about any one of those things. Then again love will make you do crazy things. 2 hour bj, I need a new women.


BoBoBlazinski 62M

10/29/2005 9:57 pm

You are a beautiful girl and there better guys out there. It seems sometimes we need to pull away to get a view at the big picture. You will most likely get to that point. Step back and ask yourself what YOU want. That little voice inside won't lie.


rm_SWFLguy4u2c 45M

11/3/2005 3:30 pm

no one desirves to be treated like that. Stand up for yourself and go get what you want. A BJ is not the key to a guys heart.


alexzia 39F

11/4/2005 4:18 am

"no one desirves to be treated like that. Stand up for yourself and go get what you want. A BJ is not the key to a guys heart." No I know a BJ is not..I was just giving examples of the things that I do for my man. How much I am willing to do for him. Because I feel if you truly love someone you will do anything for them.. anything and always show them how much you love them always. Im not saying have a 5 hour makeout session in the mall like two love struck teenagers while people passing by yell out.. get a room! lol. But you know what I am saying.. hell probably why I am even on this site to begin with because I need more I guess....


Knight2Remembr66 50M

11/7/2005 5:47 am

The only mistake you have made in this relationship is your choice of the person you decided to begin this relationship with. There isn't ANYTHING wrong with you. This guy is a piece of shit. Let's see..jail..verbally abusive....drugs...won't work...won't support his children. There isn't much more you could say about him that would explain just what a waste of flesh that he is. What you are going thru has absolutely nothing to do with who you are. He has just brainwashed you into thinking on his level. People like him that deserve to be thrown into a hole. The good thing is that you are now pulling away from him....breaking his death grip on you. Get away from this bastard and you will see that you have sooooo many options in life. Good luck!


rm_TWAdam 53M
35 posts
11/7/2005 7:41 am

I would say that it's time to cut your strings and move on to better things. You are a beautiful woman and obviously you enjoy giving attention to your man. That seems to be the problem, you need a man, not a spoiled boy. A man knows how to give back pleasure and enjoys it.


alexzia 39F

11/7/2005 11:19 am

Thank you for all your comments. Funny thing is I know all of this.. in my head I know all the things you say are true.. But I have this inner subconcious drive to fix and help everyone. Even the ones that others give up on. Almost uncontrollable it is. Although I am standing my ground much more.. I was going to leave him Saturday.. he accused me of stealing from him.. Can you believe... I told him I was gone in the morning and he straighten right up.. realized I was serious. I dont know how much longer I will endure him. Like I said I love him and want to protect him and help him.. but damn at least be appreciative you know? Anyway..he told me Saturday after he apologized that he would never let me leave. Ever.. no matter how much I try. He loves me too much and has never had someone be so good to him in his entire life.. hmmmm... Guess well see what happens Im so undecisive right now. -Alexzia


alexzia 39F

11/7/2005 11:22 am

Oh and btw I am sure you are all thinking... how the hell did you even start off with someone that is like that to you... Well of course it was not like that in the beginning. He had a job, treated me good. Then little by little things stopped, attention stopped, he lost his job.. Anyway you get the pic


SillieBear 63M

11/8/2005 12:12 pm

Hmmmm...

Methinks you need to find a friend who will cuddle you and treat you right. Then you will figure out what is going on all by yourself. Sometimes we get ourselves into situations little by little that end up being unrewarding and downright painful. I have found that the only way out is little by little, starting with a friend who will listen and not be judgemental, nor will they have "instant fixes." You have stayed with him a long time so you obviously care and had something before. In my relationship we have had to take three "breathers" to come up for air and regain a new footing.


rm_heneverdiez 46M

11/10/2005 4:49 pm

Hey Alexzia,

I'll let you know the honest truth to your predicament. Your using your past experiences with the terminally ill children as an excuse to stay with someone that doesn't love you. You keep telling yourself that u can fix him and that it will be better tomorrow because in your head, your afraid to be alone, your afraid of never finding anyone and your afraid that if u leave him now, he will snap out of it and become the man that you are so desperately wanting him to be. Believe me when I say this, he won't become that man when u leave.

In fact, I can tell by your writing, you actually don't love this man. What you have is a past love, that you are trying so desperately to relive by staying with him, that it is hurting your soul. You were both in love at one time, yes, this is true and you are holding onto it soo bad, that your willing to give up any true happiness you believe you deserve in the fear fo being alone.

You are on a downward spiral with this man and only you can muster up hte courage to cut the rope that binds you, to free yourself into the life you deserve. The relationship will get worse as time goes on and when your older, you will look back at all of the excuses you gave yourself and wonder why you let it go on for so long.

If you keep giving yourself excuses, you will never be able to be the woman you were created to be.


desleeped 35M

11/15/2005 11:49 am

I think the answer to what's wrong with you sits in achair watching TV while you attend to all his needs. You need to ask yourself one very serious question:\
Am I in love with him, or am I comfortable with him and afraid that I won't know what to do without him?
M/c


ajw012 47M
9 posts
11/16/2005 7:32 pm

WOW, first off, you are a very attractive beautiful Lady!, secondly, the things you do for him sexually, WOW! man if you did things of that nature for me, i would return the favor double fold. it takes 2 people willing to do for the other, and also respect the other, and sounds to me like he has no respect for you at all, and you would be better cutting your looses. and just a note for thought, I AM AVAILABLE>! hope you have a great day. and i would love to chat with you sometime.


sirstickeybudz 35M
2 posts
11/18/2005 3:57 pm

I too am a Gemini and we are afraid to be alone. I was married for over 4 years and it started out great, then things changed. When I was in that relationship I felt no gratitude from the other person, this made me feel uninportant in their eyes and unltimately led to our divorce. Just remember that you got along fine, and met him when you were ALONE, you CAN do it again.....


rm_kreepingvyne 35M/34F

11/18/2005 8:34 pm

A little bit of advice, you can take it or leave it... I (Vyne) was in a similar situation (although with an emotionally abusive step-mother, not a man) in which my needs were trampled to provide a better situation for her. I found a book that really helped me out and I would recommend it to ANYONE.... You should check out "The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself" by Beverly Engel. Believe it or not, hun, you are being emotionally abused. The book helped me stand up for myself (and so did Kreeping), and recognize the signs of abuse so I can stop them before they get bad. Also, a strong network of friends helps, but being a workaholic, I had only my guy to support me. Without him, I wouldn't be here, that's for sure. People can tell you to leave your man, but it isn't easy. If you love him, which your entry made me think you do, you need to build your inner strength to be able to confront him with how you feel about the way he treats you. He probably won't react positively, but it may make him think about how much he cares about you. If he really does care, he will change. But you need to care about you first. You are the only person that will have to live with yourself for the rest of your life... you should at least like yourself! Personally, I think you are a very beautiful woman who has a bit of emotional scarring (we all do to some extent). The trick is to not let that scarring rule who you are and who you will become. Good luck and we will both be here if you need someone to listen. Our Yah oo ID is Kreepingvyne.


rm_fshfull 48M

11/24/2005 8:15 pm

You sound like a nice person and deserve to be treated with respect You are very pretty and alot of nice guys would like to date youI think you just have to take the step and get rid of him you have nothing to lose it sounds like and alot to gain


rm_femtenCM 34M

11/25/2005 8:31 am

He's taking u for granted! Try leaving him, and dont u be contacting him He'll get the feeling that u're over him, and thats a good thing, cause when he thinks u're through with him, he might start missing u're relationship... If he loves u, he'll be begging for u 2 come back, and then u'll be able 2 point out the things he did wrong.
Make him appreseate u in the hardest way.. Well that's just my first thought, he's taking u for granted! Show him that u need 2 feel loved.. Hope this comment will hlp u
Good luck !

BTW U're a vry BEAUTYFULL girl !! U'll find another guy in no time, if it doesnt work!


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