Confessions of a former obese person  

alexzia 39F
68 posts
11/15/2005 10:58 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Confessions of a former obese person

Ahhhhh ok so.... LOL I cant believe I am going to be this honest on a site like this but here it goes... Yes I used to be severely obese. I used to weigh 378 lbs. When I used to weigh that much... i didnt have a weight problem... I was the problem.. I thought that I was an ugly fat monster that didnt deserve any happiness in the world and that I would never be normal. I never dreamt of ever having a normal life.. ie being able to sit in a chair and not wonder if it would break, or even if I would fit into it. I never thought I would know what it was like to have a guy take a second glance at me out of attraction and not to make fun of me.. I always was afraid to leave the house because I never knew what kind of ridicule I would face that day. Daily activities were a chore to me.. I couldnt do the dishes more then 10 min, walk a few blocks before my back would hurt. My entire mental state was different. I wish I would just die... Try and imagine for a moment what it would feel like to try and lose 170lbs... overwhelming isnt it? Impossible it seems doesnt it? These are the things I faced everyday. And even though Ive lost the weight I will never have a normal body. I will never feel normal not ever. And every new relationship I have will have to face my baggage of uncomfortable shyness. Not feeling comfortable in my own skin. How did I do it? Weight Watchers baby... thats right I did it the hard way... no surgery just diet and excercise. I didnt know I could do it.. nothing "clicked" in my mind that this was going to be the time. I just stuck to it through thick and thin (lol no pun intended) I still to this day do not feel like a normal person... I dont think I ever will. I still feel huge and oafish. I know I have a little more to go to finish it off but the majority of my excess weight I have lost. But well... I mean look at me... Ive even posted to this site to see if I am attractive. My self esteem is zero and I feel like a worthless underserving human being. Years of ridicule and name calling has left my mental state destroyed.. I will never ever be normal....


desleeped 34M

11/15/2005 11:41 am

Normal is incredibly overrated. I am not going to tell you what to do because I my self am mildly anorexic... it is way too easy for me to just not eat, as I have conditioned myself to the point where i can ignore hunger. I didn't realize I had a problem until I started eating things in my sleep- like the insides of my cheeks, I bit my finger really bad, I even got sick from consuming a chunk of pillowcase. To be fat. It is my greatest wish. I would love to be about 165- what I am supposed to weigh. I currently am on a program that requires me to eat every 2 hours or so. I have been on thid program with a friend of mine and together we are making progress. He is 6'1" 290. He was 325. I am 5'8" 132. I was 115. I can't remember, I think my mom told me about it. I know it worked for me. Try and think of it like this... anyone who can't see past what you look like on the surface will never get to see the beautiful person concealed within. Always remember, if they dont like you that is their problem.
M/c


beautyindabeast 52M

11/23/2005 11:01 pm

Aww, man! Alex! You've got to break the chains of the past... somehow! NOW is what counts. Yesterday is dead and gone, and tomorrow is just a promissory note that sometimes isn't worth the paper it's printed on. Start now! This sounds crazy and narcissistic, but look yourself square in the eye in the mirror, andd tell your reflection, out loud, "You are beautiful, and the chains of the past are broken." Keep doing it until you FEEL beautiful. It'll take a long time, and you'll think it's stupid and won't work, but keep at it. It takes time and effort, just like losing all that weight did. With the emotional scars you have, you might a work-in-progress forever, but keep telling yourself the positive things, and do it in the mirror. I've seen it work.


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