Penis Enhancement Pills, Creams, Patches, and Pumps  

ahotpair4u2 65M/64F
11 posts
7/11/2006 9:21 am

Last Read:
8/30/2006 2:47 pm

Penis Enhancement Pills, Creams, Patches, and Pumps

I knew it sounded too good to be true but I couldn't resist at least trying it. There is not a man in the country that would turn down an opportunity to gain another inch or two. So, having a few hundred bucks to burn, I sent off for some of the pills, some cream, some patches and a pump. I read the directions and used each accordingly, thinking that one of them surely would work. I'm not saying that I'm hung like a hamster; I'm proud of what I have and really didn't need any extra anything... but, like I said, no man can resist the possibility of adding another inch or two; it's a guy thing.

I don't know what I was thinking, ordering all that stuff. They had my credit card number and continued to send me stuff month after month, tapping my credit card until I finally got them off my backs. I couldn't let the expensive stuff go to waste either so I continued my routine faithfully. At first I was very impressed; I "grew" a couple of inches the first month. After finishing up all the products, over the course of 9 months, I had gained an additional 82 inches. That's right, my dick was now over 7 feet long!

Now I don't have to tell you that I had some complaints from the opposite sex. Not only was it a total waste but very frustrating for me and painful for her. I've given up on sex now totally. I don't know how this stuff works but it does; it just works too well. Now I'm a total freak. If I were black it would be considered "normal" but, alas, I'm a cracker. I don't know what to do. I have several gay guys hitting on me. I've been asked to be on Jerry Springer and to travel this fall with Barnum & Bailey. I was offered a job as a Chippendale dancer but when it got over 18" they recinded their offer; they just don't make marble bag undies that look good holding that much meat so I'm right back to square one. I'm being hounded by at least a dozen companies wanting me to do porno movies for them. This past year I got Christmas cards from Elton John, Greg Louganis, Dave Navaro, and Boy George, so it's not all bad. Still, I would not reccommend anyone using these products. Save your money and be happy with what you have because it's not how deep you fish that counts; it's how you wiggle your worm.

rm_harembanger 53M
49 posts
7/12/2006 7:40 pm

Thanks for the advice mate! I've been doubtful all these while bout this kind of product. Am I glad I didn't.

100prcntnocnt 49F

7/23/2006 7:40 pm

LMAO.......too funny!! There really is such a thing as too big. I wish guys would get over the worry of being large enough. But then, I guess women have the same thing about being skinny enough, curvy enough or whatever. It really helps when you have a partner who accepts you for who you are and enjoys you.

LuvsToLick53 63M
43 posts
7/30/2006 4:41 pm

You didn't try weights and other contraptions to really stretch it out?? How'd that pump thing work? From what I've read, you have to be real careful with the pressure or it can actually damage things. There's a website out there that really explains these contraptions.

Yeah, I can understand, esp. after seeing some of these pix of these really HUGE guys ...

ahotpair4u2 65M/64F

7/30/2006 4:53 pm

LOL, it's just a joke L2L. I love to do creative writing, especially eroticism or humor. Anyone who gets at least 50 spam emails a day for penis enhancement knows what I'm talking about. Even Jean gets this crap! Of course she would have to *grow* a penis first, before she could start adding on those inches. There is no way in hell I'd hang a weight on my dick. My college major was medical and I know that the dick is supported by what is called the "suspensatory ligament". That is why you can't really add any inches to it; ligament just does not grow or stretch. You can do keagles and increase your stamina. You can take L. arginine to make you able to cum like a porn star. You can drink pineapple juice to make your cum taste very sweet I do all of this but as far as growing a few more inches? It ain't happenin bud. Just gotta use that 4 lb sex organ between your ears; it's the most important one anyway. I've made Jean cum "on demand" - NO touching, no nothing except getting her so fucking hot mentally that she can't see straight. Lovemaking starts between the ears. Anything else is just ...fucking.

rm_IHOP401 66M/52F
66 posts
8/28/2006 6:41 am

Very humorous.... love the ending, it is not the fishing but how you wiggle the worm.
You are also very correct, the strongest and most powerful sex organ is in our mind.... this is the Alpha and the Omega

Thanks for reading this story and please post a comment. Your input is greatly appreciated. Tony & Marie

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