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The Dagger Through the Heart
The Dagger Through the Heart
On my vacation, in my conversations with my best friend, my first (and only true) love's name came up quite a bit. So last week, I took a shot in the dark and tried to contact her. I met her almost 14 years ago at a camp and we hit it off real well. The catch was that she lived 800 miles away but my love for her was very much there. I had flown to see her a couple of times after the camp but then college came for both of us and we couldn't stay in contact. She came down for my college graduation 3 years ago after we sort of reconnected. She took my virginity from me while she was here. After that though, I lost contact with her again. So after making contact with her again last week, I get an e-mail explaining everything. I'm posting excerpts since some of it has little relevance to the situation. Another note: I absolutely am not spinning this letter. These are her words.
Well, let's see if I can fill you in a bit. As you know, my divorce all but destroyed me. I made the mistake of trying to use sex to get
back at Chris. This was before you and I. Well, when I was with you...I was pregnant. 7 weeks to be exact. I knew I wasn't going to keep the baby. I had an abortion and as it turns out, I was pregnant with twins. That completed my descent. I finally hit rock bottom. I suppose there was no where else to go but up. Ryan, my cohort in this disaster,
was very young. He had just turned 23. He worked with my husband. I never knew that until after Kevin and I had dated for a couple of
I owe you an apology that is very much overdue. I should never have slept with you. I was drunk and I took advantage of you. Being drunk
is no excuse. I am sorry I used you. If it is any consolation, I don't regret the act itself...just the conditions under which it happened. You are my one great regret. I have been messed up for a while, and you bore the brunt of that. For all that I have done, I am so very sorry. I have learned my lessons well, and Kevin reaps the benefits from the
suffering you went through.
I can't choose a mood for this blog. I'm feeling way too many different emotions right now. Probably the thing that confuses me so much is that despite all of this, I still love her dearly. I know I have every reason not to though. Perhaps, now that I've been able to share this, I can get past it. I think at the moment if I was to have a theme song for this post it would have to be "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd or perhaps "Shattered Memories" by Bleed the Dream. Anyways, I hope everyone is having a better day than I am.
5/22/2006 1:01 pm
i hope you have a better day also. she just sounds very confused and wants to strike out at someone and you look like you are the target. if i am wrong then sorry.|
5/22/2006 1:15 pm
My day isnt the best either as i am extremely horny and no hopes of getting laid! |
U definately have bigger problems. One thing for sure is that we cant help who we fall in love with. U will love her forever.
5/22/2006 3:39 pm
She definitely has issues...|
I hope you can forgive her and get pass the emotions you feel/felt for her.
We all make mistakes...
forgiveness is the best route to take here...
Stand tall and learn from this encounter...