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Favorite Damn Disease
Favorite Damn Disease
He was breaking every rule she ever made in her life.
No, she was letting it happen. How many times have you tried so hard to do the right thing? When it comes to your body and the loneliness of a dark night, cold or hot, some things can drive you to doing what you wouldn't rationally do. But actually I am getting ahead of myself.
I had a weak moment. After more then four years, I ventured out in the night, to seek something. Someone to just talk to me, look me in my eyes, tell me I was pretty and maybe want to slow dance with me. Would he allow me to put my hand on his chest and rest my head on his shoulder? Could he allow such a tender moment? It seemed like the brass ring I never quite could catch.
And then one night it did. Juvelation, and unexplainable bliss did my heart feel. It was going to burst out of my chest and I felt the sparkle again in my eyes. It went farther that night then I had intended. He touch my soul and the animal cried out inside me. Later I would find out for him it was just two lonely people needing to be together. For me it was more.
Two weeks later I found out the ugly truth. He lied. Cold hard lie that brought me to my knees with the sickening gut-wrenching feeling as though the strongest man had hit me with all of his might in my stomach. He was married but she wanted a separation. Lies. One after another came. It was too late for me though. He had me. I tried to shake it all off. How many times I slammed my fist into my pillow and cursed the night and my heart. It wasn't right to treat me this way.
And you know what I did. Let it happen. I stayed. I accepted his terms. Over the years I tried not to let it bother me that things weren't changing. No word of a divorce, no word of a written separation. God, how I think back on it now, the time I found out he went to CA with her for a convention and then had the gaul to come back and tell me about it. He let it slip and realized it later by my reaction. Damn how can I be so stupid to get myself into such a mess. Time would go by and things would be alright but it was a wound that wasn't healing and growing inside of me. I couldn't control it.
Little things, yes, there are more. She called his cellphone while he was at my home and he didn't even have the deciency to not talk to her. It was 20 minutes before he got off and by then I was reeling with anger and hurt. I told him so. He gave me that sad look. I hate myself for this! pounded in my ears.
The next year came around and now I called his bluff. I am stronger now because I have to be. The next convention was earlier last year. I called the hotel the night he was to arrive. The reservations were in both of their names and they had not arrived.
This time I lashed out. I sent her a registered letter with our picture together from my college graduation in Denver and letting her know we had been together four years. Briefly I explained, I wasn't going to let it go on, it wasn't right. I honestly didn't want to hurt her, but something had to happen.
He called me venticitive. Yes, at that moment I was. Justifing it was my faithfulness and loyality to a man that wouldn't make up his mind. And I tried to talk about it with him so many times. Yes talk, Quiet calm talking.
Collectively, he is still a caring man. He helped me when I needed it and I honestly do believe he did have feelings for me. But now, I know what is in my heart and its been telling me all along. There IS someone out there that only wants one woman. There IS someone out there that can truely give himself.
NOW I am going to find him.
I used my body to entice and yes, I can do that. I want to. I love being watched and I purr like a kitten when I am stroked. Tonight, the animal is coming out in me and its violently ravaging my mind. I want to love someone so hard. Ride him to the brink of exhaustion. I want to cum all over his body and then lick it up with my tongue and then feel his wild kiss hot on my dripping mouth. Yes.
I want to be someone's favorite damn disease.
1/19/2006 4:18 pm
one woman? i`ve searched my entire life for just one woman to show just how much love and passion i have inside.been through two now,i know she`s out ther for me somewhere.the kiss you long for is the one of the sole,you will know from that kiss.if this a illness that we carry inside,may we find no cure for 100 years. that maybe not long enough to enjoy what the heart needs no cure for.|