Time, why you punish me?  

absolutelynormal 56F
6016 posts
4/23/2006 3:18 pm

Last Read:
4/24/2006 5:33 pm

Time, why you punish me?

Today I am at work. I have a young patient with what appears to be strep throat. Huge tonsils, big pus pockets, YUCKY! Yet, I am finding myself lusting over a 21 year old. How ridiculous and strange at the same time cause I am just not like that. If I'm old enough to be your mom, you're off limits, that's just the way it is. Besides, what could someone that age see in me other than thinking I am some sort of person who is going to teach him something... the older woman thing.

It all got me to thinking about the time I wasted. I've talked to more than a few people about this. How I stayed married for what I thought at the time to be a noble cause. I wanted my kids to have both parents at home. I faked being happy and no one was the wiser, except for me and it very nearly killed me. I was entirely miserable. I was so miserable then compared to now that I should be celebrating everyday. I should dance and sing although people would have to wear earplugs and I'd probably hurt myself or someone else dancing.

I would like to say I did what I thought was right. In reality I was just too afraid to take a chance of being on my own. I was worried about what everyone else would think. What would my kids think if they knew how miserable I was, would they blame themselves if we got a divorce. How would my parents react?

Youth is wasted on the young. Someone had a picture in their blog of a young woman without a stitch on, but she had a snake painted on her covering up the things that needed covering. Would I do something like that? Hell yeah if I had that young woman's body! But I don't and I am lamenting the passing of my youth.

Time is wasting
Time is walking
You ain't no friend of mine
I don't know where i'm goin'
I think I'm out of my mind
Thinking about time

jd29992z 54M
3888 posts
4/23/2006 3:39 pm

Life starts at 40 girl!!! Yes staying in a bad marriage for the wrong reasons I know I really do know!!!!!! But don't look back look ahead look at what is around you. Sing dance let loose and SOOOOOOOOO you get a 21 year old or a 31 year old or a 41 year old. But look at the life experience you have. Yes youth is waisted on the young what makes you think that when that 21 your old guy reachs 41 he wont feel the same thing. How about someone that is 61 don't you think that they think 41 is young and that youth is waisted on the young? You are not old yo are still young and enjoy your self!!!!! I am!!!!!!! I am still young sure I can't run like I used to but I feel good and I still flirt with the 20 something year old not because I think I will get lucky but it is FUN!!!!!! So get out there have some fun flirt with a young guy if he dose not take you home so what at least you had fun trying!!!! Stay strong and for GODS sake have some fun!!!! See you JD

absolutelynormal replies on 4/23/2006 9:05 pm:
Believe it or not, I do have fun, I just choose to not have fun with children. Not everyone shares my view (I'm talking to you Rocky!), but as stated earlier to me a child is someone my kid's age. My oldest is 25. Would I want a 45 year old just flirting with him? No.

digdug41 49M

4/23/2006 4:11 pm

hey mac I cant call it I say just enjoy yourself, live and be free you've got the chance now, seize it.

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

absolutelynormal replies on 4/23/2006 9:07 pm:
Thanks DD, I'm working on it
Ya know, there's just something peaceful about you. I dunno what it is btu when I read your blog or what you post here, it makes me smile. Maybe it's because you're a sincere person

RogueAgent000 50M

4/23/2006 4:31 pm

Have no regrets...live your life as if it is a celebration! What a wonderful thing that truly is. If having a relationship with a younger man is what materializes during the course of your celebration, then run with it, get carried away in how all of that feels. I have the pleasure of being hit on by married women, and younger women every so often...I've never actually dated them because of the circumstances; but I've enjoyed the attention for that short time. Point being...to thine own self be true. You know that your heart is in the right place, so keep going forward. I'd heard it said somewhere that one's unfulfilled desires are as dangerous as that which we desire...something like that anyway. What ever happend to sex for sex's sake? Maybe it's not a possibility anymore...in today's world? Just rambling...enjoy the whole thing

absolutelynormal replies on 4/23/2006 9:10 pm:
"What ever happend to sex for sex's sake?"
That would be the kind of sex where you're not trying to get pregnant?

jdocfunguy 50M

4/23/2006 5:30 pm

I think your point is that we all worry too much about what others think. Sometimes out of concern for them, sometimes out of concern for ourselves. You worried in the past, now your worrying about what the 21 year old will think. As long as both parties communicate honestly, you'll know what each other thinks. Then to hell with what others think. On the flip side, while I'll agree that age is not an issue, I do think that the patient/caregiver relationship you already have should be considered. As far as any other 21 year old, they're an adult and you're an adult. Enough said.

absolutelynormal replies on 4/23/2006 9:12 pm:
You don't know me or you wouldn't EVEN go there!!!!! I'm gonna cut you some slack because you don't know me. I would NEVER violate that boundary, ever! I would never meet soemone who was 21 either, ask the ones here who've tried.

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
4/23/2006 6:28 pm

21 shouldn't be off limits to you.
Have fun , enjoy your life.
You 've certainly waited for it, this is your time.
Use it wisely.

absolutelynormal replies on 4/23/2006 9:13 pm:
I get to determine my own limits. I wouldn't be comfy with it. Thanks for the hug, Mac

mycin62 54F

4/23/2006 7:38 pm

I know how you feel about the young guys, young enough to be my kids is my limit too.

Listening to you talk about your marriage makes me glad I got out when my kids were young. If I had stayed, I'm sure the emotional and verbal abuse would have turned to physical.

Hopefully, we're going to Key West for Fantasy Fest this year, I'm gonna get my body painted. I'll post pics

absolutelynormal replies on 4/23/2006 9:14 pm:
Have a great time!!

ProtonicMan 47M

4/23/2006 8:08 pm

Hi, Mac.

Looking backward while driving forward is a good way to veer off the road. If you're lucky, you realize that you're off course when you hit the shoulder. If you aren't so lucky, you end up in a ditch, or in a head-on collision.

You can't change the past. Maybe you can learn from it, but maybe it's just better ignore it and pay attention to where you are. The best you can do is to be in the present, behind the wheel, driving to someplace fun, and cranking good tunes on the radio.

And who knows? Maybe younger men have something to offer.


absolutelynormal replies on 4/24/2006 4:00 am:
If I'm looking in all the wrong directions here I am just trying to find out where I am, sorry, Mac

orock61 55M

4/24/2006 5:31 am

funny i am in the same situation as you were.....married but not happy. i am staying here for the kids. should have done something while they were younger, but now i feel like it will cause them more harm than it is causing me.

i think you deserve some fun !

absolutelynormal replies on 4/24/2006 5:40 pm:
I think you do too. If you think of life as what they tell you when you're about to take off in a plane... in the event of an emergency, oxygen will drop from the space above you, if you have small children with you, APPLY IT TO YOURSELF FIRST! You cannot take care of others, if you don't take care of you. Mac

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
4/24/2006 1:08 pm

I hear you Mac, I agree with everything you say as I am going through that right now. I am not divorced yet, but I feel a great sense of relief for leaving an unhealthy relationship that I stayed in way too long...it's always about the kids. But I think we'll all be ok in the long run. I am 40 too, I have hope for the future, and so should you.

absolutelynormal replies on 4/24/2006 5:42 pm:
I do have hope, just somedays I have more than other days

Helper874 45M

4/24/2006 2:15 pm

Mac, time is only wasted if You allow it to be. Live your life. I understand completely about staying in the marriage for the reasons You did...(trust me, I know.) I do think it was a very noble thing, and in the end, for the kids sake, I am sure it made a difference. Yes, I am sure it took a terrible tool on You, but we do those things. We should be celebrated for it.

Go ahead an take the photo...., go out with the 21 year old. Experience life for what it is. Do not be stuck to the hang ups that society puts on us. For those hangups tend to drag us down, and eliminate who we are. Be free, and feel free. You are beholding to no one but yourself, and in the end, that is who You have to answer too.

absolutelynormal replies on 4/24/2006 5:43 pm:
And I am answering to myself

Become a member to create a blog