It's all about me  

absolutelynormal 56F
6016 posts
4/30/2006 1:28 am

Last Read:
4/30/2006 10:16 pm

It's all about me

I can't sleep. Not even tired. I've been sitting here reading blogs and thinking.

I was thinking about the time of my life when I was happiest. It was when my children were young and all of my focus was on them, barely any of it on myself.

Sometimes I think that I think about me entirely too much. I hurt other people in the attempt to not be hurt myself and it's because I think about what's going to happen before it even happens. I am in a continuous anticipatory state, anxious most of the time, unless I am forced to step out of me. I have to step out of Mac when I am at work, I become Mac the Nurse (no, I don't have a knife) and Mac the regular person ceases to exist.

A few years ago I was an overtime junkie, I worked so much and had never thought about why I did, so I didn't have to be me. That's pretty sad.

I've been bored today, I had my feelings hurt last night and tonight. If I've said anything to anyone to hurt their feelings I am sorry.

digdug41 49M

4/30/2006 4:35 am

What happened? you alright MAC I hope so dont let to much get to ya its a waste of energy especially if its a negative feeling it takes away from our flow hang in there and I hope all gets sorted

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

absolutelynormal replies on 4/30/2006 10:50 am:
Oh I'm fine DD. Overtired, overwrought, too much thinking. I didn't go to sleep until about 6 this morning. Thank you for caring. Makes me smile. I've told you before, I'm gonna tell you again. You have this great sense of peace that follows you to my blog. I like it!! Mac

RogueAgent000 50M

4/30/2006 7:11 am

You did what you were supposed to do...back when you were taking care of your kids, when you were happiest. Life happens right? Whether it's stepping-in, or stepping-out of yourself, continue to do what makes you happy...

absolutelynormal replies on 4/30/2006 10:53 am:
If I only knew what that was RA then I would "just do it." That's what I'm trying to figure out. Blogging makes me happy, I'll just continue to blog if you'll continue to read, deal?

jdocfunguy 50M

4/30/2006 8:02 am

I hope that you didn't get you feelings hurt two nights in a row by the same person or in the same situation. Don't forget the fool me once, fool me twice rule.

absolutelynormal replies on 4/30/2006 10:56 am:
No, I get my feelings hurt all the time. I just found out that I actually have feelings, well since I got a divorce. It's hard to know how to mediate them when you haven't had the practice. Know what I mean? And that rule, it gets me all the damn time!

docdirk 47M

4/30/2006 7:42 pm

I seriously doubt you have anything to apologize for. We all practice self-protection in one fashion or another. We actively filter the world and all that is in it so that very few sensations are actually allowed to reach us. We hide, we duck, we strike, we avoid, we outright lie. We protect ourselves at all costs because if we don't, who will? Opening the window and allowing new experience to float into our lives is the biggest risk of all. Precious few are well-versed in that type of risk-taking. I, for one, am not. And I often regret that.

You needn't apologize for safe-guarding you. You are well worth the protection. Perhaps others should be doing the apologizing to you. For their short-sightedness. For the height of the walls they built.

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

absolutelynormal replies on 4/30/2006 10:18 pm:

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