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how to be a successful lazy man !
how to be a successful lazy man !
1. Lower Your Expectations
If at all possible eliminate expectations all together. This way you will lower you chances of disappointment. Now that you don't have to worry about being disappointed, you can take it easy and do things at your leisure.
2. Make Everything Seem Like an Accomplishment
You don't have to do something important for it to be an accomplishment. You just have to make people believe that it is. Tell people that you stayed up all night up writing a paper that you actually got from a friend who took the class last semester. Tell people that you are gonna be a little late because you're working out. They don't have to know that your workout includes laying on the couch with a Men's Journal "50 Sit-Up Exercises" article and a bag of chips open on your stomach. If people think that you're constantly doing something then they will be less likely to bother you, and isn't that what we all want? Remember, you're busy and important. (Practice exercise: Recite "I'm busy and important" three times.)
3. Limit Your Tasks
This one is pretty self-explanatory. The less you take on, the less you have to do. If by chance you have to do something (breathe?), make sure you can make it seem more important than it really is (see #2/breathe heavily). If someone asks you to do a favor, make it seem like you're really going out of your way for them. Then the next time you have an unavoidable task, have them do it. They owe you one.
4. Know the TV Program Schedule
TV is key when you want to get the most out of doing nothing. By knowing what is on TV and when it comes on, valuable energy is not wasted channel surfing.
5. Do Only What is Asked of You
When you think about it, there is really no reason to go out of your way to do more than what is expected of you. Everyone's expectations of you should be low by now anyway. Don't worry about doing extra shit for people...if they wanted other stuff done too they would have asked you to do it.
6. Choose Your Hobbies Wisely
There are plenty of hobbies to choose from that don't require the excess use of energy. Running, walking, rock climbing, collecting porn...all require too much energy to be fun. Keep it simple: stick to sitting, laying, lying, dreaming of rock climbing, and mental pictures.
7. Why Walk When You Can Ride
Cars, buses, bikes, and mopeds were created for a reason. Don't let a little excuse like "its only down the street" stop you from hopping into or onto a vehicle. You never know when you might pull a hammie. Play it safe, a healthy body is the only way to remain voluntarily lazy.
8. Sleep Obsessively
Let's face it, spending an entire day watching TV and avoiding tasks can wear a person out. So take a nap...you deserve it. It's not like you have anything to do anyway.
8/29/2006 1:58 pm
LMAO - another golden one |
9. Don't do any housework
You're conducting a scientific experiment to see how long it'll take to use all your crockery and silverware, and why dust or vacuum it only comes back!!!
10. Don't break any of the above rules
You'll only end up doing more harm than good to yourself and anyhow it's against your religion!!!
8/29/2006 8:52 pm
I've seen you be kinda lazy, there's a dent on the couch from your ass.|