Selfish...  

aascrompn 42M
6957 posts
8/24/2006 6:12 pm

Last Read:
10/18/2006 8:20 am

Selfish...


This is going to be a selfish post. This post is all about me and not a damn thing to do with you.

Alcohol - It really is a good thing. Here I sit; my mind is no longer racing. Everything is slowed to a blurry closing of the eye, followed by a re-opening. I know that this is not what society deems right, but I don't give a fuck. It's good for me. It really helps me to put shit into perspective. I can focus on my main issue and block everything else out. This is what my meds do, but alcohol soooo contributes to it that I just have to say thank you.

What pisses me off are people that deceive. I don't like that some people claim to be your friend, your lover, your go to person, etc, but when things get hard, they quit. *Yawn* 'I'm sorry... did you actually need me?'

People tend to say what they need to say to get through things. I've found that no matter how honest some people usually are, that when the going gets tough, they roll over and say fek it all. On one hand, I'm pissed off b/c I thought I could rely on them for support. I thought that they would truly be there for me when I needed them. I thought they meant what they said. I thought... fucking crazy of me to actually think! At the end of the day, they have somewhere else to go. They go home. They return to a loved one. They continue their normal lives, but sure as hell, they don't consider you!! On the other hand, I'm glad things like this happen. When things like this actually happen, it really helps for me to filter them out of my life. When I put them to the task of what they offered, and they back down, I know where they stand. I hate pussies! I always have, and I always will.

I'm being very selfish lately. I have been told that I have very piss poor blogging etiquete... What?? Are you fucking kidding me?? Ok, fine! So I do... this leads me back to one of my earliest comments earlier... 'If you don't like reading me, don't!' I'm here for me! I'm here b/c this is what I do when I need to vent. This is what I do when I need support, b/c I sure as fuck can't rely on anyone else for support. Fuck me for thinking I could trust people!!!!

I'm completely numb right now. Alcohold is running throught my veins and I feel good. I really do feel good, b/c my brain is not haunting me with second guesses about how I actually feel. I feel great!

I feel that things have become crystal fucking clear to me. Tell me one thing, mean another, and fucking go away! If nothing else, alcohol will save me from even worrying about you!

I'm not an alcoholic. I surely wish I were! That way, I could actually put the blame on something other than me. You see, I feel like ass for not being good enough. I feel like ass for not having a better job. I feel like ass for going home alone. I feel like ass. You know what?? Alcohol makes this shit better! It makes you feel, well, nothing!

In the end, you are responsible for yourself. I don't give a shit if you are single, engaged, married or what! You need to take care of yourself. When you realize that you are wasting too much of your valuable time worrying about BS, move on!

~ AAS

caressmewell 53F

8/24/2006 6:32 pm

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.


VCF1962 105F

8/24/2006 6:51 pm

Couldn't agree with you more.

I have made better and more reliable friends via these blogs, than I have in the flesh so to speak. I've been there for all of them and where the fuck are the flesh friends when you need them - nowhere to be seen.

I have one very good friend that I've known since school - she always makes me laugh and we keep in touch. I have my bestest friend ever who I speak to occasionally but she has 4 kids and helps hubby run his business but no matter how long we leave it, we are never afraid to call each other.

Other than this, my other friends are one way streets (friends I have known for many years). They bleed me dry emotionally and talk over me when I am talking to them - which means they aren't listening which means they aren't interested - so ya know what - they are no longer my friends. I would rather have mates at work that I can chat with (and do) and a couple of GOOD mates at home I can rely on (and have). I have my blog buddies and the others can go stuff themselves basically.

Seems to me there are a lot of hurting people out there and being on here for dating or whatever you want to call it, makes things worse. Tonight I have even thought of putting a message on my profile to say that I am not interested in dating anyone now. I've met too many losers and users here. Problem is that I won't then be able to mail some of my buddies here because I won't rack up enough hits to send messages and I don't have the money to join up (and with the quality of the site being so shitty, wouldn't want to anyway !!).

So sweetcheeks, I hope you feel better for the alcohol induced numbness - I'd like to say that things will be better in the morning, but we both know the shit will still be there.

Never apologise for the person you are - it's the people around us and in our lives that make us who we are.

Mistress Innuendo
Taking what you say and turning it into something naughty !!


GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
8/24/2006 10:26 pm

    Quoting caressmewell:
    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

~ nodz ~ in agreement

thx 4 the reminder though


Seriously_Real 48M

8/25/2006 7:29 am

Tell you what: I'm gonna leave some blank space here and you can imagine what I would say...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Still here for you, believe it or not.

--Seriously


ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
8/25/2006 10:53 pm

Monster hugs. Won't be around for a couple weeks .... but I'll still be sending up prayers for you. Take care of you.

Artistic


Become a member to create a blog