Great Email  

aascrompn 42M
6957 posts
4/24/2006 6:56 am

Last Read:
10/18/2006 7:01 am

Great Email

This is a very good email that I received from a very sweet blogger that wanted to help me out from an outsiders perspective on my goings on with my honesty and approaching women.

I have been reading your blogs for a while, and I know you are completely frustrated about your search for women. You aren't alone, as many have told you. It happens to a lot of men on this site, even good looking ones, like you! LOL!

I can't stand compliments!! LOL

I have had thoughts as I've read your blogs, but haven't really said much when I commented because I guess I didn't want to say so much 'out loud' there, ya know? So, I'm going to tell you what I've been thinking. Perhaps you care, or maybe you don't. Either way, it's fine with me. So, read on, or delete... it's up to you.

I chose to read it...

First, you seem to be a very open person. This is a good thing. But, it seems that you put WAY too much out there in the beginning, which IS scary for some women. In the last blog I read, you said that you told at least one of the women (possibly all of them) that you were interested in them and that you'd like to see where it would go, but you wanted to start as friends first. This is something that is usually UNDERSTOOD and not directly stated. If you emailed me asking if we could talk on IM sometime, I'd get the idea that you were interested in me... or at least that you wanted to be friends. And since that's where you said you wanted to start, that would be a GOOD thing. You wouldn't need to TELL me the thoughts that were going on in your mind. And you don't need to tell the women you email the thoughts going on in your mind. Let them discover that as you become friends. And IF it goes beyond friendship, then that's wonderful. But if not, you've lost nothing in the process. You've gained a friend, though the feelings may not have been returned in the way you wished they would.

This is truly an angle of which I've never thought of. This is really good insight to my temporary lapse of reason. I guess the only comment that I will use as a rebute is that I like to prefess this up front as this is a sex site. I guess I'm just stating it b/c I don't just want them to think that I'm just contacting them for sex. Maybe that's why I do it...

I guess what I'm trying to say boils down to this: Don't TELL them everything right off the bat. It's not about being honest or up front, it's about letting things develop naturally, without the pressure of knowing that one of you wants something that the other might not be prepared for.

I completely agree with you on this and that's the biggest reason why I stopped the whole "project".

Try it. Email someone and see if they want to chat sometime. Don't just email out of the blue, there has to be some connection first... through the blogs or whatever. Once you are talking, and your friendship develops, you'll be able to tell if things are going beyond that. Don't tell her directly that it's what you want. She'll know by how you talk to her... and you'll know by how she talks to you.

I think I will try this the next time I have my eye on someone. Currently, I'm not even looking.

The other thing that occurred to me was that you focus on their looks. I understand that you want a good looking woman. And you should have one, but NO WOMAN, regardless of her beauty wants to be approached by a man who is focused on that aspect of her. These beautiful women have more going for them than their looks, which I'm sure you KNOW. But when you say in your blog that you can't visit their blog because they are just 'so hot', it sends the wrong message to them... and to others.

I'm sorry if it does send the wrong message, but the truth is that it is hard to visit their blogs b/c the pictures just remind me, "Here's another beautiful girl that you have no chance with." I know that this is negative thinking, but at least three of them have proven that to me and two of those won't even communicate with me anymore. You're right about it sending the wrong message to others... With that, I'm sorry if I've offended anyone.

And finally, seeing as you've been blogging about your experiences with contacting women on this site, some women might be afraid that you'd start blogging about your relationship with them... and that's scary. I wouldn't want it, and I'm sure they don't either. Don't talk so much about what you're doing. Just do it.

This is such a HUGE point. You are right that I do blog about everything. I would not, however, ever use the girl's name should she not want me to. I'm usually very good about asking permission to post things if it involves somebody else. In the case of my New One, I don't say her name. There was something that I did (poem) for her that might suggest who it is, but other than that, I speak nothing about her name, where she is from, or anything that I would feel might give her away. After all, she may not want to be publicly affiliated with an idiot!! LMAO.

Ok, there are my thoughts. Take 'em or leave 'em. I only shared them with you because I like ya and have been reading your blog for a while now. I want you to find someone. You deserve that in life.

Thank you so very much in taking the time to write down your thoughts on how to help me! Many here just don't care enough to do what you've done, and I truly appreciate your insight!

I wanted to share this with you readers, b/c it might help others to learn from my mistakes. Unfortunately, my mistakes have cost me a couple of friends and I don't want anybody else to have to go through that.

jadedbabe78 105F

4/24/2006 8:11 am

It's always a learning process. And it is always up to us to choose to learn from it or not. You are choosing to learn from it and with that comes growth.

Great job, midget.

Hugs ~ Jadey

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 7:38 am:
Growing is a very hard process. Two steps forward, one step back.

bardicman 50M

4/24/2006 8:19 am

Have you ever just tried the "Wanna Fuck?" Email?

I am not dead yet

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 7:40 am:
Yes, I have... that's why it's taken you so long to come back to my blog... didn't know it would scare you, sweetie.

caressmewell 53F

4/24/2006 8:54 am

Good post...I'm glad that this email drove home some of the things peeps have been telling you in their comments. It's never too late to learn..I wish you luck little brother.

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 7:40 am:
I need it.

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11238 posts
4/24/2006 9:15 am

gud post

and thx, both to the lady blogger and you for sharing

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 7:42 am:

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
4/24/2006 9:52 am

That was very good. She was very honest. You are a nice man, really. I hope you find someone special.

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 7:43 am:
I hope that I do as well! Thank you!

safereturns 47F

4/24/2006 10:24 am

I am soooo with your writer on the "looks" issue.

Men who ask me what I look like get on my very last nerve. Men who get wrapped up in looks just tick. me. off.


aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 7:47 am:
I'm sorry that the looks issue bothers you. I have to be honest in that looks are very important to me. I used to feel shallow for saying that. Now, however, after having experienced a few girls that did not meet up with my level of usual attractiveness, I found that the relationships were more just friends. I couldn't get as close to them as I wanted. You have to trust me when I say that I really did try my hardest.

Personality does go a long way, however, if I'm not attracted to them, I just can't perform as well.

beewulf9 38M

4/24/2006 10:57 am

I don't agree with some of your rebuttals but I can see your perspective. I think the person who wrote you that email really cares for you.

I wish you well.

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 7:48 am:
I'm very glad that you don't agree w/ my rebuttals as it always makes for great discussion. What do you not agree w/?

I think she cares for me as a freind as well!

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
4/24/2006 11:19 am

Being fairly new to AdultFriendFinder, and having read silently the blogs posted from both men and women my perspective is that the blogs are working well for you.

Post a thought or a question.
Receive feedback regarding them.
Think, take away what fits and acknowledge the balance.

It's all about growth and learning for me.

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:05 am:
Thanks for stopping by and commenting! Yes, the blogs have been pretty good to me. It's often tough, however, as you have to be as completely honest with it as you can. Some chose to not to reveal anything personal about themselves, while others, such as me, post everything about themselves.

I hope that you like blogging. It definitely not for everyone. Good luck and thanks again!


4/24/2006 11:36 am

    Quoting bardicman:
    Have you ever just tried the "Wanna Fuck?" Email?

Anyway, Great post aas! Thoughtful of the sender. Thoughtful of you. Much food for thought! {=}

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:06 am:
Glad you liked!

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
4/24/2006 12:57 pm

    Quoting bardicman:
    Have you ever just tried the "Wanna Fuck?" Email?
Ask Bard when the last time he got laid was ...


Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:07 am:
Did they have condoms back then??

ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
4/24/2006 1:11 pm

aas - Thanks for this post. There were some good points. Regardless of what anyone comments, I hope that in your journey to improve yourself, you don't loose your honesty. It's one of your most endearing and attractive qualities.


By the way, thank valleyrat4, he put a link to this post in his Blog.

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:11 am:
I'm not going to change how honest I am. I'm going to change how much I'm going to divulge. I seem to be possibly hurting people w/ some of my posts.

Valley is a great guy!

MWWwantsmore 51F

4/24/2006 1:56 pm

She made some really good points there, things you dont always think about!

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:11 am:
There are some things I've never thought about!

mycin62 54F

4/24/2006 4:47 pm

She sounds like a very wise lady and a good friend.

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:15 am:
That, she is!

southrnpeach333 50F

4/24/2006 6:07 pm

Good advice here. I think we can all use some or at least parts of it. Thanks for posting it.

aascrompn replies on 4/26/2006 6:32 am:
NP, and thank you for reading it!

LIBlonde97 40F
1028 posts
4/24/2006 6:07 pm

    Quoting bardicman:
    Have you ever just tried the "Wanna Fuck?" Email?
To which I would *always* reply enthusiastically...


Know anyone good?"



aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:16 am:
LMAO! I'm good, what now?

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
4/24/2006 9:12 pm

Great post! Thanks for sharing it. And I do agree that you do deserve that wonderful woman you so desire!

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:18 am:
aaawwww... thank you so much!

impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
4/24/2006 9:13 pm

    Quoting newaroundhere64:
    Ans, asked her if she would like to IM sometime?....
Yes? You did? Right?

But I also agree with ARtistictwist...your honesty is also quite beguiling. Makes one just want to wrap arms around you and take you home. Silly man....

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:19 am:
No, I didn't... She is a friend (new one) and she was just giving me advice.

Please relay that to the New One... I sometimes wonder!

tillerbabe 55F

4/25/2006 12:32 am

This is really good attention!!!

aascrompn replies on 4/25/2006 8:20 am:
I just want to bend you over my knee and... *sigh* nevermind.

EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
4/28/2006 11:19 pm

Hey now-that's good stuff there darling!

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