Ex Update  

aascrompn 42M
6957 posts
6/13/2006 8:30 am

Last Read:
10/18/2006 7:28 am

Ex Update

It seems as if there is really nothing else that I can do for my ex. For those of you who have been reading a while, you might remember some of this, but for those new(er) people, you won't know what I'm talking about.

My ex fiance walked out of our relationship two and a half years ago. At the time, she stated that she wanted to live and learn by herself, b/c she had never lived by herself before. Shortly after moving back in with her parents (while searching for an apartment of her own) she started dating a "friend" of hers. I knew who he was. She got her "own" apartment and he moved right in. So much for living and learning by herself.

The real reason she left, is because she developed a meth addiction and I would not deal with her anymore. I started going back to the gym and really started making very smart decisions about finances, etc. This made her nervous, b/c I think she knew that I was really preparing for her departure.

Over the last year, she has really fucked her life up. Christmas of '04, she did enough drugs to actually OD. They omitted her to the hospital and labled it an attempted suicide. The only help that she wanted at the time, was money. She would not go to a rehab. She cleaned up for a limited time and six months later, started the process all over again. This time, however, she was taking regular "meth beatings" from her so called fiance. I really didn't know how to handle any of this. I was not still in love with her, but I still love her. I could not sit back and watch her being abused. They lived in a storage unit. He attempted to catch that unit on fire while she was sleeping one night. When that didn't work, he chased her around, and threw her into, over, and around her only possesion left, her truck. He punched through her windshield and actually broke her jaw that day. I did my best to find him. I left work early, gun in hand, attempting to find him wandering the streets. I never found him.

They finally sobered up enough to realize that they needed help. They moved a state over and moved in with his family. They stayed there until they both got a job. They actually sobered up for quite some time.

Two weeks ago, she was visiting here more often. She actually met me at my work one day (surprising me) to say hello. We had a nice conversation. I knew, however, something was wrong.

Last week, while she was attempting to go to her job, he broke her foot. He didn't want her leavnig the house. She called the cops and he was picked up on some pretty major felony charges. He stole his brothers prescription medication, took 11 pills and was drinking all day.

She came back home. I was very excited (for her) that she finally came to the realization that she doesn't deserve that treatment. She seemed very timid, but was looking forward to starting her life again, w/out the abuse. She was happy to see her kids again (two daughters). Then, she disappeared for two days.

All of the drug and alcohol classes teach you not to enable to abusers. I sat through many classes with her to help her over her abuse. I learned a long time ago what not to do, but could never go through with it. I always caved into her.

Last Wednesday night, she called me in a major panic explaining that her ex had been released on bail and that he was coming to find her. She wanted me to pick her up and take her to another location. I was out w/ my best friend and her other girl friend. I explained there was nothing that I could do for her right then and there b/c I was busy. I couldn't believe that I said it. She threw a temper tantrum (at 30 years of age) and screamed at me. I quickly explained to her I wouldn't be treated that way and she hung up on me.

On Saturday, her parents were to go to Hawaii on vacation. They'd never been before. My ex called on Friday night asking her parents for a ride back to their house, as she was w/out one and was in the city by herself. The mother went to pick her up. She evidentally looked like death warmed over. She's relapsed. When the father got home, they decided that they didn't feel safe w/ their addicted daughter being in their house while they were on vacation. They asked her to find a place to go. She cussed at them and started swinging her fists and, in general, acted like she was three. She stormed out of the house and walked about 5 miles to the closest church, where she ran into a minister, who she asked for help. He was a former addict himself and started to really talk to her about her problems. In the end, he was able to arrange for her to stay at a battered women's shelter if she were willing to go to a rehab as well. She said that she would... This is huge. She has always declined this before. After 48 hours of detox, and the parents missing their vacation, she was to meet up with the rehab counselor yesterday. She got picked up by her mother, who researched rehabs for her, and drove her there. Once there, ex decides to get angry w/ her mother for picking a facility that had a 10 month class, instead of a shorter one. The counselor recognized that she really might not want to do the work to get the help, and denied her into the program. The ex wants a 6 month course.

My anxiety has been down over the last two days. I think I've finally broken through a huge mental hangup that I've been having. She's no longer my fucking responsibility and is on her own. I told her that I would always be there to help her if she were to attend rehab, but since the bitch doesn't want the help, fuck her! I feel great! I feel that we have all done the best that we can for her. Since she chose not to get the treatment, I am completely done with her. I thought I would be worse, but I'm actually stronger for walking away from her.

~ AAS


SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
6/13/2006 8:39 am

Aas~
It is hard. And there may even come a point in time that you begin to feel guilty over your freedom. Don't worry about it. Stand strong my friend. It will pass quickly. I promise you that. You will see yourself distancing from her more and more until finally there will come a point that you don't even know what is going on in her life let alone be involved in it. I know this sounds harsh, but when an addict isn't willing to help themselves, you must detach yourself before they bring you down too. You have seen this for yourself already. I am VERY proud of you. It is hard. Sometimes painfully so. If you ever need to talk, really talk about it, let me know. I am probably the most sensitive person you'll ever meet and I barely made it through a similar situation. You are a model of how it should be done. Stand by them, until you see that they aren't willing to help themselves, then let go. Good for you.
~SDA

~Angel


aascrompn replies on 6/16/2006 5:18 am:
Thanks! I'm actually pretty proud of myself for this as well.

MWWwantsmore 51F

6/13/2006 8:46 am

You are stronger for walking away from her as that is much harder to do. Its tough watching someone you care about go through that. Just be careful and watchful! You should be proud of yourself!


aascrompn replies on 6/16/2006 5:19 am:
I'm being very careful... The shit is scary, but it's not my problem to carry anymore. I'm glad I finally realized this.

elbman 41M  
2566 posts
6/13/2006 11:36 am

You can lead a horse to water....but sometimes they choose to drown themselves instead of drinking.....


aascrompn replies on 6/16/2006 5:20 am:
This is true... She always was a jackass... oh, wait! you said horse. nevermind.

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
6/13/2006 12:07 pm

Sometimes those we love the most make us have to turn our backs so they can help themselves.

Purry {=}

Purry


aascrompn replies on 6/16/2006 5:20 am:
You are so very right... Her family, myself, and everybody that loves her has done this.

caressmewell 53F

6/13/2006 4:14 pm

Good for you!!


aascrompn replies on 6/16/2006 5:21 am:

frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
6/13/2006 4:45 pm

My biggest concern was for the kids....who has been looking after her daughters?

Good on you for turning a corner too. I know this is a big thing for you.

Frangi x


aascrompn replies on 6/16/2006 5:21 am:
The daughters have always lived full time with their father.

VenusDiaries 62M
867 posts
6/14/2006 1:19 pm

Unfortunate situations we encounter in our lives and how best to deal with them? You know that love but for your own sake you are better moving as far away from this one as possible. Nothing but trouble that you don't need. Her choice is Meth.


aascrompn replies on 6/16/2006 5:24 am:
Trust me, I'm moving...

JudeL5 46M
1535 posts
6/14/2006 11:17 pm

Tough situation... and good for you for growing through it... and moving on.


aascrompn replies on 6/16/2006 5:26 am:
Yes, thank you! It's only taken me two and a half years to do so. lol - Now I just need to use that mindset to get laid.

alphuctup 40M

6/15/2006 7:26 am

Tough, tough call, but it sounds like you've done the right thing.


aascrompn replies on 6/16/2006 5:26 am:
Thank you! When the fuck are you going to start your own blog?? I'd love to read what you have to say!

HBowt2 58F

6/18/2006 2:52 am

knowing who we are responsible for is a big step forward...


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