Drive  

aascrompn 42M
6957 posts
4/27/2006 8:08 pm

Last Read:
10/18/2006 7:04 am

Drive

I've been really thinking about what it is that I really want. This has been a rough couple of days for me, as the fucking w/ the dark corners of my whacked out mind is not a place that I really want to hang out in.

For me, I think I've always lived by the role of being the hero. In RL, I'm often wrapped up in conflict by how incredibly loyal I am to my circle of friends. This could be b/c I have a Napoleon complex, but I believe it's more about being loyal and for fighting what I believe in. As a kid, I always remember my mother telling me that if I believe that I'm right, and it's worth fighting for, then do it. I don't like conflict. I have caused a lot of it in my time (you've seen some of it in my blog) but it's not something that I'm really proud of. It can be quite embarrassing at times. However, I would rather be wrong and fight for what I believe in than to be right and not do a damn thing about it.

This hero role plays a big part in almost everything that I do. In business, my upper management has a love/hate relationship with me. I don't sugar coat anything when dealing with business. They often don't like my answers when things just can't be done, but they love my honesty and my refusal to side-step conflict. This is how I am in my personal life as well. I like to face conflict head to head. I love being perceived as being wrong right up until the end when it comes out that I'm right. I am, I have to admit, pretty aggressive in this regard. I'm the black sheep that everyone, in the end, loves.

This all helps to understand my current epiphany. I have come to the conclusion that I'm basically driven to "win" the girl. I love the idea that everything is in my way and in the end, I will walk away w/ the girl that couldn't be won, the girl that really should have no interest in me (but sees something in me in the end), the girl that everybody else wants as well. I want the girl that when we walk into a room together, people look at us and wonder what the hell she sees in me. I would be the hero. I will have overcome every obstacle that is in my way. I am just that type of dreamer I guess.

A good movie that sums this type of thing up is The Girl Next door. I won't go into details, but the kid wins the porn star in the end. He was a nobody. Everybody lusted after her. In the end, he got her. Sure, it's a movie, but it drives me. On one hand I'm tired of liking these damn near impossible story lines, but on the other, they kind of give me hope. I think women really love these kind of movies (chick flicks), but if you were to put them in the same role, they would not do it. I really believe that. They love the concept, but in RL, they wouldn't bite at the opportunity.

This drives me. This keeps me looking for The One. On my current quest, I've been having fun chatting with girls that could fit this category. They could easily be the girl next door that everybody lusts after. I'm just wondering if I will be able to overcome my obstacles. These obstacles range from distance to that of proving myself while maintaining honesty. My drive in other areas of my life has provided me w/ great opportunities and a nice living. This is the last area that I need to conquer and I hope I have the strength to do so before I just settle.


jadedbabe78 105F

4/27/2006 8:22 pm

Sometimes the juice is worth the squeeze....

Yeah, total rip off from the movie....BUT, some lines just stick with you, ya know?

~Jadey


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 8:47 am:
For that girl, it surly is!!!!

frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
4/27/2006 8:22 pm

Never, ever, EVER "just settle". I don't really need to say that though because I think I know you well enough by now to know that it's just not in you to do so.

Keep your dreams alive, your eyes and heart open and be you."SHE" will find you and you her and there will be the fairytale ending.

I have to believe this too because you know I am your e-Twin Sister and I am so bloody the same as you it's not funny!

Maybe one day, I will find my man too.

L x


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 8:48 am:
I don't want to settle either, but I also believe that I'm entitled to be happy. Settling, might provide that, but I just don't think that I can do it for the long haul, ya know?

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
4/27/2006 9:12 pm

Your dreams are worth keeping alive. But to win the girl...you have to approach her...woo her...and be willing to take the rejection that you might get at first. I'm speaking from experience as I watch my daughter who is waiting on her Prince Charming. She wants a man who feels she is worth pursuing.......and in doing so, she will not be the one to initiate anything. So......there she is....and there he is....and neither of them are connecting at all. So, put your armour on, mount the white horse, and ride into that lady's life. And when she turns her nose up.....don't scamper off with your tail between your legs....charm her, laugh at yourself, and show her the real you. You know....the one we all love here in blogland!


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 8:50 am:
Yes, I believe that you have a great formula. Now, I just need a Her to start this project on.

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
4/27/2006 10:02 pm

I agree with never settling, however...
as we get older, our dreams change, become more realistic and the important parts take precedence over the parts that really don't matter that much. So allow yourself some flexibility.

PS: Believe it or not, you're doing fine.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 8:51 am:
I'm doing fine?? Where are the ladies knocking at my front door, or better yet, allowing me to knock on theirs??

mangomamiCT 41F

4/27/2006 10:11 pm

They love the concept, but in RL, they wouldn't bite at the opportunity.

So not true !!!!!!!
I deal with powerful men , celebrities and the like all the time .I do not want em !!!

Give me the man who has something interestng to say , can make me laugh , will try new things , and be paitent with me and all my flaws !!!!


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 8:53 am:
Wow... I'm impressed with what you deal with and your answers. Now let me ask you; do they show an interest in you and actually try to pursue you?

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
4/27/2006 10:17 pm

Well Aas...I'll tell you a secret. I had a rule in College that I wouldn't date a woman I couldn't bench press...after a lengthy dry spell, I hit the gym.

You've got to work it work it...LOL

lustytaurus


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 8:54 am:
I'm working it... I'm just wondering if it's working for me.

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
4/27/2006 11:15 pm

Aas,
I'm pulling the age thing here. I've got 10 years on you.
I have spent a large portion of my life achieving goals, conquering problems and making my fishbowl look really pretty from the outside. A lot of it, in hindsight has been me trying to make me look good. The ego thing. A lot of it doing right things for wrong reasons.
Take care of yourself first and the right girl will see that and seek you out.
gerson


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 8:56 am:
I love the advice! You can tell that you are in great shape... Did it help you in the long run? Does it help you now? I want to be in the best shape possible for who ever decideds to give me a chance. I only think it's fair for Her, whoever She may be.

tillerbabe 55F

4/28/2006 2:21 am

I have to disagree with "Hot1"..and I usually totally agree with her! My idealism drives me and it has always brought me my dreams, I will BLOG on this at a future date..what I have found is that as I get older..those around me become more cynical..but I still stay idealistic and my dreams keep unfolding. You can't listen to toher people..if you knw your heart and waht you want..you just go for it! Sometimes you fall..but you stay on the path, with the goal in sight and it comes! Quit trippin dammit! Don't settle, and just "be"!


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 9:00 am:
Were you drinking when you wrote this?? LOL - I like this advice too! It reminds me of the Last Sameri (spelling) movie w/ Tom Cruise in it where he totally gets his ass kicked in the middle of the rain. He gets beaten to the ground and had his weapon taken from him at least 5 times... However, he keeps getting up and facing his enemy, never quitting and showing not only how stubborn he was, but how brave he was. This is how I equate my current feeling on life. I've been beaten down on this site on numerous occasions and yet, I try my hardest to get back up, blood flowing and all, in hopes that sombody will recognize how much it means to me and that I'm not scared of the outcome of rejection. I'm going to frigging post this... Thank you for giving me this inspiration! Now take that bikini off!!!

MWWwantsmore 51F

4/28/2006 4:44 am

You should never settle unless you are sure, I learned the hard way!


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 9:03 am:
Were you not sure when you married, or, you were sure but you or he changed??

SacredStarDance

4/28/2006 7:12 am

never settle

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 9:04 am:
Thanks! You available??? LMAO

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
4/28/2006 10:27 pm

    Quoting tillerbabe:
    I have to disagree with "Hot1"..and I usually totally agree with her! My idealism drives me and it has always brought me my dreams, I will BLOG on this at a future date..what I have found is that as I get older..those around me become more cynical..but I still stay idealistic and my dreams keep unfolding. You can't listen to toher people..if you knw your heart and waht you want..you just go for it! Sometimes you fall..but you stay on the path, with the goal in sight and it comes! Quit trippin dammit! Don't settle, and just "be"!
An example of what I'm saying would be that totally falling for someone because of their physical beauty sometimes changes for some people when the value they put on who the person is on the inside becomes as important as the person's outer 'hotness.' The flexibilty that I'm talking about is referring to one's willingness to recognize that change within himself/herself. Thats why I said I agree with not settling. What it actually means is to fine tune yourself to what's REALLY important, and to how much we truly connect to another. It's not settling; it's raising the bar. actually. Only it's a highly personalized bar.

OK, aas, you can have your blog back now, lol.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 9:10 am:
Are you kidding me?? I have two hotties going at it on my blog! Keep it up! Get naked or something.

Ok, I love this. When I originally started liking my New One, is back when sister was around. I found her on sister's blog. I loved her poetry to no end. I'm usually not attracted to her type. The value that I found in Her was that of beautiful, powerful, truthful writing. She dumped her soul onto the screen and it just demanded respect. It demanded a sorry heart. It aroused me to no end. Her erotica was some of the finest I've ever read, and I don't even like to read it (didn't). When I finally realized that She had me completely enthralled, I went out on a limb and told Her. My point is that I'm learning here. Looks will no longer just get it for me. My mind, now, must be stimulated as well. She has helped (indirectly) me to learn. So, Her inside value is just as hot (hotter actually) as her outside beauty (which is extremely hot). I will try to never settle, but I have a funny way of pushing people away after a given time.

tillerbabe 55F

4/28/2006 11:02 pm

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    I agree with never settling, however...
    as we get older, our dreams change, become more realistic and the important parts take precedence over the parts that really don't matter that much. So allow yourself some flexibility.

    PS: Believe it or not, you're doing fine.
Well she did it again!!! I submit...we DO agree!!! LOL! My bad!
I can't believe i just said "my bad"!!!!


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 9:11 am:
You love to submit anyway...

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
4/28/2006 11:28 pm

    Quoting tillerbabe:
    Well she did it again!!! I submit...we DO agree!!! LOL! My bad! I can't believe i just said "my bad"!!!!
It's the combination of ideas, thoughts and ideas, and how we bounce them off each other that makes it so very good here. The best part is that it was totally cool even when we thought we DIDN'T agree.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 9:11 am:
I concur.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
4/30/2006 9:00 am

Unless I'm misunderstanding...I'd say tillerbabe and 1hotwahine are competing for your affections aas!!

lustytaurus


aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 9:13 am:
Ya, right! tillerbabe has myrealloverone, and I just can't compete with him... Damn him!! I'm banning his ass from my blog!

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
4/30/2006 9:24 am

aascrompn replies on 4/30/2006 8:56 am:
I love the advice! You can tell that you are in great shape... Did it help you in the long run? Does it help you now? I want to be in the best shape possible for who ever decideds to give me a chance. I only think it's fair for Her, whoever She may be.


Hmm, reflecting on this. I'm in the best physical shape now than I have been since my early 20's. My outside now reflects my insides. I've spent time on myself working out because it first and foremost makes me feel good. When I look at all the responses you have received on your post, I think the message is consistant and clear. Real relationships are based on attraction that goes deeper than just looking good. Yes, it is helping me now but I'm going to stay in the here and now, the long run will take care of itself.


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