aascrompn 42M
6957 posts
5/22/2006 9:45 am

Last Read:
10/18/2006 7:18 am


I feel the warmth slowly edge it's way towards my extremities. I can feel it slowly move from my chest to my face, towards my ears, where it collects there, as it has nowhere else to go. The warmth is the result of the hole that is created in the general area of the heart's region.

Do you ever have days when nothing goes right? Do you have days when you realize that everything you've dreamed about is just that, a dream? Everybody has to eventually wake up. Day dreams do occur, but they are sooooo stupid that you can readily shake them away.

It's really not the stinging pain that I would've expected. It's more like a dull ache. It's not even all that distracting, but it's there.

I hate living in dreamland, where I think that I can possibly be the person that the other person is actually looking for! This is not as a result of my New One (so please no emails to Her this time), this is in general. I've come to the conclusion that I can't fit into any one role that any of the girls that I like are looking for. I can get close... but then there is always something that doesn't make me the right fit! Today is the day that my dreams have started to whither away. I am for sure bumbed. My dreams of all of them are shattering all at once and I'm left facing just myself in the mirror. The site that I see is not a pretty one. I'm not happy today to be staring at this figure. The figure is slowly melting away from exercise, but it's still not there yet.

I usually am very happy with myself as a person. I think, even though I fight, that I'm a great person. I believe that I do rightly care for others. I believe that yes, one day, I will make a good father. I may not be great, but I will be good. That day is slowly molding into a dream. I soooo don't want it to be one, as I eventually always wake up, but it's starting.

My birthday is less than two weeks away (June 1st). I will be 32. My dreams of gf's and wives, and buying homes together are starting to fade. The reality is, I'm going to purchase a home in the very near future. I will be purchasing it alone. That's an extremely depressing thing to have to realize. Six years ago, I started the next phase of my life with a gf and her two beautiful kids. They, too, left. I started back at square one and have lived here ever since... Just when I think I might get to the 2nd square (BTW - I am a square), reality hits, dreams fade, and I'm left with nothing but plans of starting the whole process again. The process is old! I'm tired of it. I'm tired of getting my hopes up to just drown in my own black realm of reality. "Into the Abyss will I run..."

Yes, I'm in a funk today. No, not any one person did this to me. I hate when it happens, but, yes, it's here again. Depression is the biggest bitch out there and just when I slap her in the head, she leaves long enough for me to start a process, only to watch it fall apart. It's when I've fallen from that process that the bitch decides she wants to kick me in the rib cage. Yes, she has the balls to kick me when I'm already down. What a cunt!

My future plans are a blur. I don't know what direction I'm heading, nor do I really know which direction I was coming from. I would stop and ask directions (unlike a man thing to really do), but I don't even know where to ask to go... My journey is starting to become a very useless trip. All I seem to be doing is burning some really fucking expensive fuel in hopes of even finding a fucking direction to drive in... You can probably equate this to the dog that chases his own damn tail!

Fek it!

elbman 41M  
2566 posts
5/22/2006 10:43 am

That's not the tail I saw you chasing Saturday night........

jadedbabe78 106F

5/22/2006 10:58 am

You can either crawl back into the little dark hole you came out of and never really live life or you can move on, as hard as it may seem at times, and really live life the way it is supposed to be lived. Life is too short.

Seriously....wake up. How many people do you know that have had their lives go exactly as planned?? Shit happens, things change, you change. So, you aren't where you thought you would be. Who cares! You're depressed, lonely, blah blah....get over it and see all the good you have.

Hey, none of my dreams happened according to plan. I have done things totally backwards. And you know what? I don't care. Sure I think of the past and how it could have been. We all get a touch melancholy from time to time....BUT, I am the person I am today because things went differently.

Embrace it, don't denounce it.

And when you finally do find the person you're suppose to be with, at least then it is the person meant for you....not someone you wanted so things could go according to plan.

hornylilgirl78 106F

5/22/2006 12:42 pm

If you asked me 10 years ago where I would be now...my description would be so COMPLETELY different from what the reality is that you would think it was two different people. But looking back over the last 10 years, I can see where I got off track from my plans, and I can also see where that was actually BETTER for me as a person than if I had followed that plan to the letter. Esentially, every experience regardless of whether it was to plan or not, is what made you YOU! And every experience is leading you in the direction that your life will take. When you do achieve what you want, it will make that achievement that much sweeter.

Is what you want a dream or a goal? There is a difference. And the mentality between the two is enormous. And if it is a GOAL, than are you working to achieve that goal? Or are you simply hoping that your "dream" will magically come true? So many people clain that they desire something intently, but are not putting themselves in a position of getting that thing...they are waiting for a "genie" or a miricle to bring everything they want straight to them. You are currently working out trying to get the body you want, would you achieve that body without making an effort? No!! You have to have a plan, a goal...

Yes, deppression is a bitch, but sometimes I think we need to have days where the blinders are taken off, I think that makes us realize what is and isn't working in our lives. The key is to use that to our advantage, and not let the sadness become all consuming.

*gets off her soapbox hoping she made sense*


"As kinky as a cheap garden hose!"

bipolybabe 55F

5/22/2006 2:01 pm

I've lived with depression from time to time. It's a bitch. I'd prefer you didn't call it a cunt. Cunts are actually nice places to visit. It sounds to me as if you're missing having one to call your own.

So, if that's what's bugging you, let's talk for real about how to find you the dream of gf, wife, home life, you desire.

BiPolyBabe aka AskAphrodite

AskAphrodite, sometimes called by those of us who love her, the Goddess of Good Fucking, and she will help you find the goddess you desire.


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
5/22/2006 5:25 pm

smothers you in her boobies ... now remember sweeite, this to shall pass. You will find someone that isn't a dream and she will be wonderful.


Knot4Everyone 40F

5/22/2006 6:13 pm

Awww honey! You can't put your life on hold while waiting for that special someone! You should figure out what you want out of life and go for it! If you meet someone along the way then you can always plot a new course, together!

I know how you're feeling, though. It was just about a year ago that I came to the realization that I may be alone for the rest of my life. Sad as it sounds, I'm now okay with it. I'll just be the kind old lady down the street who always has fresh lemonade and cookies for the neighborhood kids.

alphuctup 40M

5/23/2006 1:25 am

Hang in there man, tomorrow is a whole new day.

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/50F
9753 posts
5/23/2006 3:44 am


I posted Where this road is leading............. along time ago and think you could use it:

I know your life has been turned upside down
I know the saddness has seeped into your heart
I know that the doors keep slamming back in your face
But friend, you don't know where this road is leading

I know family and friends all seem to have the answers
I know you can't see that bright light at the end of this tunnel
I know that not being here seems so much easier
But friend, you don't know where this road is leading

I know you are kind and caring
I know that heart of yours is filled with love and tenderness
I know each day seems like forever
But friend, you don't know where this road is leading

Give it time and take each day as it comes
You are strong and can find your way home
See my friend, no one knows where this road is leading
But we all follow along to see how far we have come in our lives

Purry {=}


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