Another Day  

aascrompn 42M
6957 posts
5/24/2006 9:12 am

Last Read:
10/18/2006 7:19 am

Another Day

After yesterday's miserable feeling post (what's new, right?) I felt that it's probably important to try and concentrate on something that's positive in my life. Although it's very difficult after "the ending", I must go on with my life and continue this stupid journey. Yes, I'm fucking drained. Yes, I'm fucking hurt. Yes, I'm fucking a miserable fuck right now, but it's part of the game, right?

So, here is the only really positive thing that I can contribute. Yesterday was leg day again in the gym. A really big (muscle size) friend of mine, told me that my biggest problem that he can see w/ my working out experience is that I'm in my own head. My mind is telling me that I'm lifting as heavy as I can, but in reality, I'm probably a lot stronger than I think that I am. Yesterday, because I was already miserable and quite upset about my Divergent One, I decided to punish myself. I don't know why I always feel like abusing myself when something fails, but I've always been this way. Instead of doing it through means of going to the bar and wishing I were dead, drowning myself in alchohol and self pity, I decided to really feel it this time.

I started roughly 20 pounds more (on each side) than I usually do when performing my squats. I kept adding 10 pounds to each side when moving into my new sets. I used to only move up 5 pounds per side. Although the last set was incredibly hard, I finished it. I can honestly admit that I gave it my complete all. I could not have performed even one more rep had my life depended on it. Not only that, it is, by far, the heaviest that I've ever lifted. So, I guess that my friend is right. I guess my head has been holding my performance back. It's really quite amazing what your brain limits you to do.

The reason that I know I completely killed my legs is because they are still weak today. They do not hurt, but they are very weak. My knees feel a little unsteady with every step that I take. I usually am sore the day after. I'm not sore today, but I know I will be extremely sore tomorrow.

This will help me. Feeling the pain will remind me that I've just abused the hell out of myself, which will go hand in hand with "the ending" of me and my Divergent One. I need to feel pain. It's like I hate myself and am doing this to really piss myself off. I just can't explain why I would want this pain. I'm sure there is some psychological reason behind it (such as people who cut themselves), but I have been too lazy to research it.

So, there it is. There is the only positive thing that I can contribute. Other than that, my life pretty much sucks right now. Yes, I am sure I will one day be able to fucking move on, but I can damn well garantee you it's not fucking going to be today.

Another Day... alone. I'm alone in bed and have nobody to even join now or look forward to meeting in the near future. That's what I mean by alone. I don't even have a "target" anymore. Sigh

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
5/24/2006 9:23 am

I sometimes do yoga, for flexibility, peace of mind and to tie the body and mind together.
The instructor oftens says to me, there is no competition... be in the moment and enjoy it.
It is beneficial to me, when working out to utilize those words because in the end I am at the gym for me or why be there.

sexymamma662003 31F

5/24/2006 10:03 am

what no target? you know damn well there are women on here that find you very sexy


Synn74 42F
1206 posts
5/24/2006 10:18 am

(((((((((((biggg hugggssss))))))))))))))))))

I welcome you to the House of Syn...

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
5/24/2006 1:22 pm

Well, I guess when you are hurting tomorrow, I'll be here babe. Today, you probably deserve it for being in such a pitiful mood.


frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
5/24/2006 5:26 pm

A wise friend once told me "find just one positive in each day"...

Frangi x

alphuctup 40M

5/25/2006 1:15 am

I think it kinda makes sense...if you went to the bar you'd drink until you stopped feeling the pain. Instead you're going to the gym and working so hard that hopefully the physical pain and exhaustion will eclipse the real pain.

I'd say the gym is the wiser option, better to wake up in 3 months time a meat-head than a drunk!

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