Inserting Objects  

_CoffeeNoCream_ 52F
6527 posts
12/16/2005 12:29 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Inserting Objects

Would you ever have guessed that inserting an object into a specific part of your body would ever bring you such joy? On second thought, knowing what type of people some of you are, I bet you already do. My joy was full a couple of days ago when I discovered such an object.

Before you hide your children, let me explain.

Since 3 weeks I have this ugly cold its an annoying cold. Annoying like that fire alarm going right now. Jeesh, will someone turn that off?

So I have a cold. But, because I took the bold step of sticking an object in a hole it is now bearable. I love scientists and doctors coming up with these things. Some intelligent person somewhere thought, "what if we take this small little pump and shove it in a sick persons nose and tell them it will relieve their condition?" And I am sure another person said, "Okay! Want some pickles?"

Someday I hope to be the one to cure the common cold. But I also know that would take time and effort. In the meantime, I used one of these apparatus...apparatuses...apparatusi...things. The instructions told me to do the following:

1. Remove cap and safety clip. CHECK
2. Hold with thumb at bottom of bottle and nozzle between your fingers. CHECK
3. Before using the first time, prime pump by depressing several times. CHECK
4. Place tip of nozzle just past nasal opening. CHECK
5. Pump two or three times into each nostril without tilting your head. CHECK
6. Sniff deeply. Do not use more often than once every 10 to 12 hours. Do not exceed two doses in any 24-hour period. Wipe nozzle clean after use. UMMM...CHECK

What is amazing is this sounds similar to my sex life. Except, in this case, it actually works. I was able to breathe and never felt better in my life. All of my life. Now I realize that I have missed some smells. Let me tell you, some of you really need a bath.

Then, I thought again, what is this fascination with doctors and shoving things in peoples body cavities then squirting some solution? (no comment here from the sickos)

Can you imagine the conversation between two doctors?

Doctor 1: We need a cure for severe dry skin.
Doctor 2: How about we take this bottle and tell people to shove it in their rears and squirt soda water into it?
D1: Sounds good!
D2: Let's call it an "enema".
D1: Great, want to get some pickles?

Hats off to Vicks and all it's peon employees who created it. You saved my life. Although I have heard there are lawsuits saying your product causes people to lose their sense of smell. To them I say, F*Beep*k Off...., I can breathe!"

Liefs Coffee

Erik_Bloodaxe 56M

12/16/2005 4:49 am

Mr Vicks was a Belgian, you know. Not a lot of people know that

leyndokona2 49F

12/16/2005 5:03 am

Imagine what the shark would have smelled like if you hadn't had that cold .....

leyndokona2 49F

12/16/2005 5:04 am

Want me to send you some?

_CoffeeNoCream_ 52F

12/16/2005 5:26 am

yes please Leyndokona send it over... lol

interested13563 53M
2557 posts
12/16/2005 5:20 pm

Indeed there is no cure for the common cold or love itself.
I hope you feel well soon.

Green_Tea_Boy 50M
1064 posts
12/16/2005 8:07 pm

damn...that must have been difficult...3 weeks without properly smelling or tasting coffee?

dutchpete 54M
563 posts
12/17/2005 1:15 am

As an engineer I always use the following rule:
'Read instructions if everything else fails'

Can be applied to human species too.

hbowt 59F

12/17/2005 6:04 am

i got your cold coffee and it's not nice...going to buy things to shove up my nose.......and anywhere else that might make me feel better

_CoffeeNoCream_ 52F

12/17/2005 6:35 am

Pete, How bout RTFM ?
hbowt, I am very sorry ....try inserting a pickle, it works miracles its just that you will look funny.

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
12/17/2005 10:10 am

The Vapo-Rub is pretty interesting, too.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
12/18/2005 5:57 am

I never knew sticking something up your nose was so technical. I was the sort of kid who'd read the plastic model instructions the moment I'd stuck two wrong bits together. If I got a cold I'd really be at some risk ..... Ooops ...... you know something, I can hear so much more clearly now!

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
12/18/2005 3:53 pm

gud that it workz

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
12/18/2005 3:54 pm

LOL, ok, that wasn't the intended smiley ....

whiskEynowater 55M
204 posts
12/21/2005 3:12 am

I still like rubbing vicks on a womans breast

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