Coffee Cream The Love Doll  

_CoffeeNoCream_ 52F
6527 posts
8/6/2005 6:56 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Coffee Cream The Love Doll

Blow up dolls are hilarious, aren't they? To me, their use is limited to the gag gift realm. Just know its not something I would ever ever wrap up. But the idea is to wrap the box up real fancy and give it to some unsuspecting wretch on one of his birthdays in the hopes that it will embarrass him in front of his mother or something. Then, the boxed doll will be thrown under the bed or in the back of some closet, forgotten and collecting dust...
The end.... Right?

WRONG!. We all know,... way back in the dark recesses of our minds, that there is someone out there who has a USE for these dolls, a NEED even. Let's pretend that none of us know this guy. You've never shook hands with him. You've never dated him. He's not your dad. He's just some random guy who happens to think air mattresses are HOT and ones with holes in them are even better. Let's put all giggels aside and warp into serious mode. I've done some thorough research on this mystifying subject, which I will now generously share with you...

First, let's assume that most blow up dolls arrive in discreet little brown packages. I'm certain that some purchases are made outright, because of the gag gift factor, coupled with the fact that there's always some creep who just doesn't care what the cashier at Tea's Gifts thinks of him. But I'd still like to think that most people would take a more secretive route, especially with the ease of shopping online, because there's no longer a need to order out of the back of a seedy sticky magazine. And I don't claim to know everything when it comes to the mysterious opposite sex, but I'm thinking that men don't generally seriously gift each other with these dolls. It's not like "Hey man, you have been looking kind of lonely lately, so I went to the store to pick something up for you. Don't hurt yourself." At least, I don't think that's how it happens.
Please dear A FF friends correct me if I am wrong.

What you need to know, when shopping online for a blow up doll (aka sex doll), is that each doll is named. Some have names like we do: Miranda, Coffee, Nancy, Sabrina, etc, while others are more descriptively named, such as Porky Paulina, Coffee Creams, Diana Stretch, and Combat Cherry. Naming the dolls means the doll humper will have a more "personal" experience, being on a first name basis with said doll. I just wonder though, what this guy will call Porky Paulina when he is with her. I mean, does he stick to "Oooh baby", or does he yell her name "Paulina! Paulina!" or does he enjoy calling her by her full name "How do you like that, Porky Paulina?" You might think that saying anything to this doll is a little weird, but I think doll sex has already crossed the weird line. Plus, there's also the fact that you can buy a doll that talks back: Miss Coffee, for example, creams and screams in delight at your every touch.

The thing that strikes me most about shopping for the very own doll is how every site points out how "realistic" their dolls are .... from the ruby red lips, lovely golden hair, the life like skin...and you can have a doll to your own specifications. If you like redheads, no problem. If you like the plus sized girls, they've got plenty for you. Some even come with 'piercings'. You can get one that kneels, stands, or spreads her legs. You can get them seamless (Yessssssss score!), sensually coffee scented , with rotating limbs and breasts as voluptuous as you can handle. Apparently, the fact that they come fully manicured and pedicured is also quite important to the customers, so we're not just talking about plastic fetishes here.

But let's face it, these dolls are all about one thing: SEX. The standard doll comes with three holes: front door, back door, and mouth. These orifices are diversely described as "horny holes", and "love canals", and come in pulsating, vibrating, talc, sucking, lubricated, futurotic (a kind of plasticy material that feels JUST LIKE REAL SKIN!), and textural node varieties. Some even have removable bits for "hand-held enjoyment". And conveniently, each package indicates the doll's weight limit - some girls can handle up to 200kg of man, and if you need a little extra, you can find a sweetheart made of durable latex material that's just right for 'energetic' lovers. And, as luck with had it, most are "easy to clean."
The best part: dolls are usually described as soft, sensual, and "willing."

Accessories to be purchased along with these dolls include a patch kit, air pump, fashion accessories, maintenance talc, battery packs, costume changes, lubrication, and accessories pouch.

Which begs questions: Just where are men carrying these dolls off to?

Do men have secret slumber parties somewhere where they all bring their 'dates'?

Because let's face it, these dolls really are a man's toy. First, I was surprised to see that there were male sex dolls also, but eventually I got the message: they were all available under 'toys for him'. There are no dolls in the 'toys for her' section, except for the occasional bachelorette party teaser. Homo or hetero, these things only appeal to boys. And the more I know about sex dolls, the more I don't want to know who buys them. I'm sure there are few guys who were "just curious", but still.

I'm not sure who the average customer is; whether he prefers plastic ladies, or just can't get the real kind. What I do know is that these dolls probably don't ready a man for ever encountering the real thing. I don't know about the other ladies out there, but I don't have multi speeds, I don't come with a handy foot pump, and unlike my counterpart, Coffee Cream The Love Doll, these words will never be associated with me: "She is everything you can dream and cream of all in one box. A beautiful girl that leaves all three holes at your access. She won't talk back or tell you to stop because it hurts. All three holes are for you to use anytime you want for however long you want to!" Trust me on this, I am not making this up!.

a Coffee wisdom here will find that returning your love doll is way harder than exchanging your real life girlfriend, so at 300 Euries a pop (for a high-quality lady), you'd better make sure you're really committed.

Here some actual customer reviews (just some prove I am not making this stuff up):

Steve says:" She Satisfies My Needs!I love this woman, I am one lucky man, she's sexy and turns me on as soon as I start playing with her. She's real good."

Rob says:" I'm balding and 40, so the girls don't care much for me, but thanks to virtual girl I have a fulfilled Life."

Henry says:" She's My Partner! I feel totally comfortable with her, she keeps my nights happy, it's nice to look forward to her at the end of the day.

Randy says:" Feels great, good quality, smells good, a bit hard to clean but I think she's hot so she's worth it."

Martin says:" Great doll, I love the detail in which it was created, the mouth is perfect to kiss with. And if you buy it some clothing, it looks great. But there are a few downsides to it's perfect shape, the mouth is way too tight, I can't seem to get it in."

OMG...I've just found out they make inflatable love sheeps, will do some more search on this topic really soon. !

Liefs {=} Your Love doll Coffee

expatbrit49 62M

8/6/2005 4:23 pm

ROFL, sounds like the perfect solution do they make a self cleaning version

Thank You for Your Time and Attention

beech1234 47M

8/7/2005 1:24 am

I went canoeing with some friends once....(roll the banjo in the background....)

rm_Network_Minx 47F
542 posts
8/7/2005 4:31 am

OMG. I have learned something completely new!!! I have never thought of Love Dolls but now that you wrote about them I am thinking about them. I am of the same inquiring mind set. Who buys these dolls? Why do they buy them? If they own more two is that considered a "Threesome?" I wish I knew a guy who bought one for sexual satisfaction so I could ask him these question.


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
8/7/2005 8:58 am

i'm off to see the sheep lol,well done coffee sales off dolls hit an all time high from this post

I'm a

i'm here to stay

DiligoHellas 38M

8/7/2005 9:34 am

Well I am sorry to say this, but I am one of the "lucky" guy’s who ended up with a "love pig" in my wardrobe.

The story is that I went to a technical oriented education and there was a HUGE shortage of female students there, so every time one of the guy’s held a birthday party the friends thought that buying something plastic was the solution to ensure our lucky birthday kid got laid....

I got a pig, some got sheep’s, even dogs, cats and cows are available...if you get the point...

And this was all before the internet was there to accommodate for easy shopping, so every on of my friends (well me included… got a "PERVERT" label hanging in some sex shop in

Anyway this pig took revenge for not giving it popped up from some forgotten hideout doing cleaning of my apartment when I was moving out...problem was MY MOM WAS THERE TO HELP, AND THE PIG ATTACKED HER...

- Diligo

rm_john_s3 48M
15 posts
8/7/2005 11:32 am

I had a doll once... the relationship never lasted long though, I tried to give her a love bite and she farted and flew out the window

redswallow777 48M
6810 posts
8/7/2005 1:36 pm

CnC, I am curious as to how you did all this research. It sounds like more than just doll surfing on the internet....

........just kidding. But I was thinking.....the possibility of creating a harem....and no long term maintenance costs.

Who does buy these things??

Nubiandream004 55M

8/7/2005 7:10 pm are H I L A R I O U S!!!!

476 posts
8/8/2005 12:27 am

The guys who buy these dolls are the same ones that pay prostitutes for sex, one hole is as good as another to them. Or, the same guys that would use a glory hole, or fuck a guy in the ass and then call him a queer. I hate to say it, but I bet the majority of those dolls are right here in the Lone Star State.

Lookin over my shoulder as I write this. Don't you dare tell where I live.

Then again, I dated a girl once that couldn't get off any other way than lying in a bathtub of ice for 5 to 10 minutes before sex. Then she would lie perfectly still and stare at the cealing. a doll would have been an improvement. she gave a whole new meaning to "breaking the ice."

Priapeo 46M

8/9/2005 8:16 am

Some sparse observations...

Inflatable sheeps I really hope they are for inflatable shepherds.

Roger says: Men! this baby really makes my head spin! (well, try yourself inflating a 1:1 scale doll with your lungs!)

Some even come with 'piercings' An inflatable doll with a pin in her belly? Likes living dangerously, uh?

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience

_CoffeeNoCream_ 52F

8/9/2005 9:27 am

wow there are so many experts on this topic.....

leyndokona2 49F

10/19/2005 12:51 pm

We must stop meeting like this

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