A Very Hot and Steamy Shower  

_CoffeeNoCream_ 52F
6527 posts
4/24/2006 12:30 am

Last Read:
7/19/2006 5:25 am

A Very Hot and Steamy Shower

It was a very hot and steamy shower. The body wash smelled of vanilla and mango…. the shampoo was lathered on thick. The showerhead was on a favourite setting, massage, but frolicsomeness between the couple was kept to a minimum because the two lovers thought they had all the time in the world.

But they were so wrong.

Dead wrong…

Little did they know that a strange but small lethal weapon had been lurking in the dim corners of the shower stall the entire time, just waiting for the right opportunity for total destruction.

"Eeeeeeeek! I'm bleeding!" shouted the female one.

"Where are you bleeding from this time?" asked the male one, cool and unsurprised.

"F**k! I just shaved off my finger!" yelled the female named Coffee, offering up the bloody stump where her well manicured hand used to be as evidence.

The sight of so much blood surprises the male named J, surprises him so much in fact that instead of feigning concern, he says "WHOA!!, how did you do that?"

Coffee, swooning bravely in pain, is not so much in pain that she neglects to punch her better half for such insensitive remark….using her good hand, of course.

And then the two turtle doves, Coffee holding her throbbing finger, and J, rubbing his throbbing nose, watch a surprising amount of red water swirl down the drain.

Out of the shower, coffee is unable to dry herself, and J takes certain liberties despite the urgency of the situation. "What do you want to do?" asks J, who is known for being a hero.
"Get back in the shower" says Coffee, without any of her usual irony.
"Back in the shower? But your finger!" thunders J, believing himself to be the voice of reason, but also believing that little things like reason rarely get in Coffee's way.

"Well, I still have shampoo all over, and I am only shaved half!" Coffee shouts, appalled.

"But it nearly killed you the first time around!" hisses J.

But of course they get back into the shower anyway, because coffee wills it so, and J gently rinses the shampoo from her hair and gorgeous body while Coffee courageously struggles to keep her bloody stump raised above her heart to stem the blood flow. In truth, the bleeding is not quite so bad at that, but also in truth, Coffee is a wee bit of a drama queen.

Out of the shower once again, Coffee displays her famous love of hospitals by refusing to go to one…."Maybe it's not so bad" she mumbles, inspecting the damage. The fingertip is intact but a Shakespearian moment is on its way..

Lady Wilkinson, oh how I loathe thee. How can anything so sweet, so pretty pink, so fantasticly plastic, shed so much blood? Pink plastic is the stuff of Barbie’s Dream Corvette and matching hair curlers. Pink plastic should not aim to maim. Why hast thee forsaken me?

Before Coffee can put up a good fight, J calls his mother, and speaks to nurse Mum. Nurse Mum will tell him what to do.
Coffee, weak from loss of blood (or, maybe, just maybe, weak from the low caffeine level), can only hear snippets from the conversation:

"No, I don't know how she managed to shave through her fingernail. It was a disposable for crying out loud!"

"Yeah, that's her…... She bleeds a lot."

"No No….Don’t worry, the razor seems to be fine."

Coffee is so outraged that J and Nurse Mum seem to be more concerned with the razor's well being than her own that she nearly faints....

A few moments later the finger is covered in a parade of gauze and iodine
So this week Coffee lies in bed mourning the temporary loss of her finger, her very favourite finger, by far her most useful finger. She made all her favourite gestures with this finger. She expressed many of her favourite emotions with this finger. And now, drowned in gauze, it has lost its ability to intimidate and threaten….. It looks like a big fluffy white marshmallow, as harmless as...well, as harmless as a Lady Wilkinson.

But as you all know, I am determined to get through this with the grace and dignity you've become accustomed to here at Tales of Coffee. Now go, and leave me to my agony. Just try to think of me fondly and remember me whole fingered as in better days….

Liefs CnC

GB_Cple 66M/55F  
3037 posts
4/24/2006 2:46 am

oh , Don't shave him in the shower either , u never know wot might happen

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
4/24/2006 3:50 am

Can I lick it off?...

rm_blackvanman2 55M
31 posts
4/24/2006 5:57 am

I'll lend you my finger in the meantime.....


4/24/2006 10:31 am

I am so sorry and struggling with you on this loss. I will be talking to those closest with me today to process through this trauma and emotions. If I am not around awhile...my profile will be turned off out of respect for your loss. Deepest regrets and hugs...Mo {=}

Raising a finger for you!

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11238 posts
4/24/2006 11:04 am

best not comment out loud on this one

did he kiss it to make it better at least?

Tijger1974 41M
49 posts
4/24/2006 11:26 am

That finger?

If anyone wants me, I'll be out buying shares in Duracell.

its_a_go 37M

4/24/2006 5:45 pm

the only thing I can think of that is worse than being sliced by a bic is to be grinded by an electric, on the balls. never use electrics on balls.

digdug41 49M

4/25/2006 6:17 am

it didnt stop ya from putting it down only like you can CnC

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

shar1 55F
606 posts
4/25/2006 10:13 am

Feels guilty for Laughing so much!!!..its your fault, you wrote it so well. You have a few accidents this week or two, I think you need some TLC time.

dutchpete 54M
563 posts
4/26/2006 1:30 pm

Uhmmmm, what did you hold to have the cutter being able to have such a horrible impact ?

And probably not had any butchers advise >> always cut away from yrself.

Does my memory recall it correctly, but did the author of the top listed blog post not have one on 'To shave or not to shave ?'

SirMounts 102M

5/3/2006 6:55 pm

Well, don't deny yourself the pleasures of your finger. *concerned*
Um, isn't that one reason why we have... extra fingers? *winking*

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