The Story of My Life  

WildWon1982 34M
625 posts
7/24/2006 10:04 pm

Last Read:
4/10/2007 11:43 pm

The Story of My Life

My life began on August 18, 1982. Of course, due to the statutes of the state of Kansas, I must offer the alternative to the beginning of my life.

My parents fucked at some point around Christmas, 1981. My life began there. Church Douchebags.

Childhood went like this: I got good grades. I got beat up. I picked my nose. I got beat up because I admitted I picked my nose.

High school went like this: I discovered masturbation. I got good grades. I didn't get a date. I kissed a girl at a Halloween party, but never saw her again. I played Magic: The Gathering and Dungeons & Dragons. I did school plays, and choirs (performing at All-County level and with the Rochester Philharmonic). I went with Kelly (see previous post). I graduated 21st in class, with honors.

College went like this: I got drunk. I got high. I got decent, better-than-the-president grades. I lived 9/11. I produced a sketch show, which won awards for writing. The show got cancelled. I did a sports show, which won an Emmy. I aced my major, and discovered my life's ambition of screenwriting. I had two minors: English and Politics. I went to Ireland, where I met my only real girlfriend. I finally got laid just before my 21st birthday.

After college went (and goes) like this: I worked joe jobs at factories off and on for 18 months, never earning any real money, never holding a job for more than 4 months. I worked at my old high school, as a study hall monitor and drama coach. The play got cancelled. My parents called the cops on me in an attempt to get me kicked out of the house cause I couldn't get a job. They failed. I eventually got the job I had now, and moved to CT.

My love life went (and goes) like this: Girls liked me in grade school, and I was a player up till 2nd grade. After that, I didn't get a date, ever, in school. Then there was the chick at the party, then Kelly, then the lesbian I made out with, then my ex-girlfriend, who's the only woman I've ever fucked, and it was great, and lasted for two years.

I came here on the rebound, hoping to expand my sexual horizons, try new things, and be a better lover. Instead the streak is one week shy of 20 months.

I need a ghost writer for this book.

Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
7/25/2006 4:15 am

What ever you do, don't turn into an asshole because of your streak.

mycin62 54F

7/25/2006 5:25 am

Dude, you need to rewrite your story!

NSAAddict 42F

7/25/2006 7:27 am

I second Kalie's comment and thank you for sharing your story with us Hope it has a happy ending in it somewhere soon

meerkittykat 42F

7/25/2006 7:56 am

"Porch Monkey 4 Life! It's okay. I'm taking it back."

I just saw that on your blog title.

Forget screenwriting. You wanna open a Mooby franchise store.

Phuc_Buddy 46M

7/25/2006 9:15 am

I am going to agree with everyone who has come before me! All great points and you should be listening to them, but remember in the heat of the moment it is okay to go "ass to mouth"!

MWWwantmore 51F

7/25/2006 10:28 am

You are still young, you have your whole life ahead of you!

I know thats hard to think about when your streak is so long Maybe you are trying to hard! Just relax and have fun.

Your time will come

I'll have a cafe, mocha, vodka, valium latte to go please!

Good girls go to heaven.....bad girls go down!!

docdirk 47M

7/25/2006 5:32 pm

At least you have your health!

(Haven't used that one in a while!)

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

WildWon1982 34M

7/25/2006 10:17 pm

You guys take me way too seriously. Do I come off as pitiful? Seriously, the streak is a gag for me, though I will celebrate its end. I laugh about it a whole lot more than I worry about it.

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