Roasted, Toasted, Burned, and Baked, with a Huge Chip on my Shoulder.  

WildWon1982 34M
625 posts
8/5/2006 10:29 pm

Last Read:
4/11/2007 12:01 am

Roasted, Toasted, Burned, and Baked, with a Huge Chip on my Shoulder.

Finally, I got to go to Six Flags. I've been wanting to go since I moved here. I didn't care that I moved in January, I wanted to go. The lovely MountainGirl provided the opportunity.

The story of the day, as referenced in the title:

Roasted: Went to karaoke after the day at the park (we were there from nearly open to close). Most of the karaoke singers, as usual, sucked ass, and went repeatedly, so in my semi-drunken state, I heckled. Doc, we could have used you, bro. Two drunk chicks butchered "Dead or Alive."

Toasted: MG and I needed to get in the mood for karaoke. You know what that means: ALCOHOL! She had two beers and two shots. I hade three pints of God's Ambrosia itself, Guinness.

Burned: I had a nice smoke. I rarely smoke, but today I was in the mood. And it was good.

Baked: The reason I wanted to go to Six Flags was for the water park above all else. Anyone who knows me knows I have a water fetish, all my fantasies involve water. I'm in my element in the water. Hell, when I'm bored, I do boxing calesthenics under water if I can. It's a great workout with the resistance of the water. The problem? No sunscreen is waterproof. I now have some nice raccoon eyes, and enough red on my shoulders to make me an Indian (hey, maybe I can get a share of Foxwoods' profits).

Big Chip on my Shoulder: I won a midway water pistol game, cause I'm smart and pull the trigger, and aim, long before the minimum wage carnie turns on the water. My prize, an oversized felt, stuffed poker chip. It's sweet!

The other highlights of the day:
-There was this bodybuilding chick wearing a bikini. Two things wrong with this. One, fake tits (bodybuilding chicks are usually flat, hers were huge and firm), and two, since the muscle tightness lowered blood flow to these jugs, they were PURPLE!

-There's a fairly new waterslide called "The Tornado." I've seen these on Discovery Channel. They're waterslides that empty into a giant funnel, then you go up the walls until your momentum stops, and the ride ends. Well, first, we had to get in line for a tube. Thry had duals and quads. We get to the front of the line, and the attendant keeps letting people go ahead of us (all much more attractive than me), because they needed quad rafts (even though only one person was coming down for them). I didn't know waterslides needed bouncers. Going up the stairs, finally "in line," this little cockstain at the top kept spitting on us. So this group of military guys (who all shouted "Victory!" as their only means of communication, ran up the stairs and cornered the fuck. Once at the top, we were both nervous. The attendant, truly retarded, sat us on the raft, with me facing backward. I'm certainly the heavier of the two of us. The idiot pushes the raft, so I'm going backward, almost to the slope, but he's LIFTING MG OFF THE SLIDE! Nearly tips her over. It's too late to pull us back, but I definitely should have been the rear weight of the raft, cause when we hit the big slope leading to the funnel, my fat ass went first, and almost flipped MG off again. Then our combined weight (mostly mine) gave us more speed and momentum, so we went a lot higher in the funnel than we should have. I really wanted to try this ride, and I'll never do it again.

-I'm officially too big for wooden roller coasters. I had to wedge my fat ass into these seats that seemed built for someone thinner than Christina fucking Aguilera. Then I had to fasten the seatbelt around my thighs, cause it wouldn't reach any higher of an arc, then the pull down bar only clicked three times. It should click no less than seven. When we took the first drop, the sharp turn caused my right leg to cramp up, and I was nearly lifted out of my seat by the g-forces. I got so bashed around that by the time I wriggled myself out of the coaster, I thought I had cracked a rib.

MG went to get food while I was in the wading pool. She left for about an hour. During that time, they emptied out the pool twice for 15 minutes for cleaning, and lifeguard shift changes. That's how I got burned. But also, when I was in the water, I had to STAY in the water. Why you ask? There were literally hundreds of beautiful, scantilly clad women in that pool, some eaven popping out of their tops, and I'm a lonely, horny guy whose gone 1 year, 8 months, and 7 days without sex. Take a wild guess why I had to stay in the water until forced to leave. And yeah, it was unmistakeable.

MG can belt some fucking awesome Janis. I did okay with Cheap Trick. One chick did Lauryn Hill AND Eurythmics, and tore it up.

I needed this. I needed to get out. I needed to get in some water. And I needed to make a new friend. Mission Accomplished, and I didn't even have to land an airplane on a carrier two miles out at sea (10).

MoutnainGirl 37F

8/6/2006 3:07 am

Well.. that just about covered it! LOL!! I might cut and paste that for my blog! LOL

Moutnain Girl

Visit my blog: MoutnainGirl

MWWwantmore 51F

8/6/2006 6:48 am

Glad you had fun!

I'll have a cafe, mocha, vodka, valium latte to go please!

Good girls go to heaven.....bad girls go down!!

mycin62 54F

8/7/2006 5:11 pm

WOW, sounds like you guys had a great time! Again, I missed out.

docdirk 47M

8/9/2006 6:20 pm

Butchered Wanted...? Who were these unqualified bitches, and who let them in?

BTW, which Cheap Trick did'ya crank up? (Bet I could guess...)

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

NSAAddict 42F

8/9/2006 7:32 pm

Sounds like an awesome time WW, glad you had fun and sorry we missed it!

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