|Blogs > WildWon1982 > The Wild Adventures of Bill|
Today I did the most risky thing sexually I've ever done. I masturbated in church.
I volunteered to be a last minute, emergencey inspector for today's elections (my county has a SEVERE shortage of Democrats). 16 of the most boring hours I've ever spent in my life. Initialiung here, signing here, counting (thank God there were no chads).
Given the lack of venues with ample room for the machines and potential crowds, three districts of the 10 in town, including the one I was working, were housed in the local Lutheran church. After 10 hours I couldn't take it anymore. I've been up since 4am, no breaks, except for lunch and bathroom, no TV, no chance to crank one out. Believe me, sitting in the same place for 16 hours makes one jittery all over.
So I did it. About 10 or 11 hours in, I quickly downed a bottle of water, excused myself to the bathroom, and in my solitude, flushed down about a trillion knuckle children.
The beauty of the whole thing is, I feel absolutely no shame. In fact, I feel righteous. My town is disgustingly conservative. If I had been caught, I would have been arrested, and would be a social pariah within moments. I live in a town where the idea of a strip club being built gets the religious nutjobs out in force to try to convince the politicians that children will be by Satan a la "Rosemary's Baby" by its mere existence. Sex outside marriage is considered worse than robbery to some in this town. And I took my chance and stuck it to the Man Upstairs.
I think Jesus would have approved.
11/4/2006 5:46 pm
That is the coolest thing I never knew about you Bill! I'm all about mixing up sex and religion |
A golden egg for a golden friend [post 575696]