|Blogs > WhyteRavenne > Letters to a Master|
Just another day...
Just another day...
I don’t understand. How is it that I can find lust towards me, easily, even though, at times, my own self esteem and self worth sometimes tells me it’s otherwise. I wonder if it’s possible for that strange thing called Love?
I know that I’m probably just pouting. I get so surprised when people around me seem to find love, and all I get is lust. Or worse, one night lust.
Gods, I’m so bored.
I wonder if I’m really the only one that doesn’t like sex for the sake of sex. I just don’t find it as enjoyable as (it seems most) people do. I’m sure if I really went through my Freudian psyche, I would be able to find out what’s wrong with me, but, why bother?
M. suggests that I might do better with a variety of people, and just to enjoy them for what they offer. I don’t mind that, but, really isn’t that something you do in your twenties? I’m thirty, this is the time when I should be fine honing my fetishes, and skills. I should have my lovers decided, and my adventurous play should be more in ways of playing with what I have, not trying to get something.
Okay, so I’m old fashioned that way. I like the stable relationships that you can talk about your day and still have great sex and play.
GODS! I like my pictures. I’m a nudist, so, I try to always do something special in my pictures that shows art, not body. So, why do so many people only see my body? I’m tired of idiots asking for nudes of me… like, what difference does it really make???
Okay, I’m done griping for now…
2/6/2006 9:52 pm
The only lovers I want are the ones that I can chat, laugh, and play with...otherwise it's just not that much fun...|
2/8/2006 12:59 am
I think it really depends on the person, in my experience love or intimacy requires people to be vulnerable and responsible to a committment toward another with respect to who you are as a person, lust does not.|
Many people seem to be scared not to share of their bodies but of themselves, they are insecure with whom they are and are afraid to be found wanting by someone they have grown to care about so instead they never allow themselves to be vulnerable, to share of themselves in anything more meaningful than that of one's body.
So they deny themselves this connection for fear of rejection on a deeper level but have no problem with the no strings sex as it has no real meaning in the context of being mentally and spiritually vulnerable.