|Blogs > WhyURhere > Twisted Bastard|
Learning how to cope with the constant pressure of being the object of all women’s desire is sometimes a difficult task. It is hard enough as it is to find the time to accommodate these women let alone perform to the expectations of a reputation that is, at the very least, legendary in the bedroom. I do not want you to mistake this for bragging. My reputation, I assume, has spread strictly due to word of mouth, (Since all women talk about when men aren’t around is sex and penis size it doesn’t take long for said word to spread.) I think another thing that I can attribute to my obvious demand is the fact that I know women. I speak the unspoken language fluently and can also navigate, with minimal effort, around the verbal acrobatics that women toss out constantly. I am sure, due to my level of intelligence and the fact that…well…you are you, I will have to as always, illustrate with an example so that the mental midgets and the women that read this will understand exactly what I mean. The best example I can use to explain my tribulations, would be a date I had last month. I should probably start at the beginning so that you can get the full spectrum of what I must endure.
Since I usually try and unwind a bit on the weekends, (Being a giver practically 24 hours a day during the week can really wear a guy out.) So for the most part my weekend starts on Wednesday morning with a copy of “Who wants To Butter This Muffin” magazine and a box of Kleenex. Once I have enjoyed a little relaxing reading, I usually mix myself a Beertini (A Beertini is made with the remnants of all of the left over beers from the day before, mixed with a shot of Puerto Rican Scotch and just a splash of box wine, all shaken over ice. You can also pour it over a package of frozen vegetables if you are out of ice) this usually gets the weekend started off just right. My next cognitive thought generally takes place around Saturday. Now understand that I like to have a little “Me” time on my weekends, and fulfilling the desires of the many women that throw themselves at me is not at the top of my list. But as I said before it is hard to ignore ones calling and be selfish when someone is clearly in need.
So on this particular Saturday morning when I was trying to enjoy my breakfast of a 12 pak of Natural Light and a can of sardines a woman walked over to me. For the record I was minding my own business, and the Playground is in a public park. Anyway, this woman proceeds to pretend to be pissed off that I am sitting next to her daughter on the swings with 6 empties at my feet belching the sweet smell of Kingfisher Sardines (in a Port Wine Mustard Sauce.) Me, being an “insider” however, could tell that she was totally hot for me and was just saying she was going to call the cops as a ploy for attention. So I casually followed her home.
One issue that I have inferred to many times is the constant battle to overcome inferior minds. Now even though I understand and speak the unspoken language of love and attraction, it does not always mean that the other party is able to recognize the fire in their loins and attribute it to the appropriate person. So when the woman from the park saw me peeking through the window, instead of being thrilled to see that I had taken time from my busy schedule to stop by and satisfy her wanton desire for me, she screamed and went for the phone…Then out of nowhere springs a rather burly unshaven man in nothing but a wife beater and a towel. It is really annoying when women walk around casually excreting their pheromones when they already have a man at home. Anyway, since I try and make it a point not to mow another mans lawn; I decided it might be best if I left this scene.
The whole thing was rather troubling for me, here I was trying to be unselfish and give to the needy and I was being made out to be the bad guy…Again. It is a good thing I have one of the more superior resolves on the planet, as I would decide once more, to chalk this event up to the unbalance of intelligence in our society and use it as an example for those who follow me on my path. Yes, I am already crafting Sunday’s sermon in my mind….Something along the lines of how to ignore the sexual advances of the She Devil and being led into a trap of lies and deception. I mean after all, if a woman cant be honest with herself, how can we expect them to be honest with us??