How to Date...By Moe  

WhyURhere 45M
2 posts
1/23/2006 12:24 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

How to Date...By Moe

Taking time out for dating is probably the hardest part of being a true giver. Many of my counterparts in the giver community, such as Mother Theresa, frown on dating and pursuing the “pleasures of the flesh.” I know better though, she only says that kind of thing for two reasons. 1) She is obviously threatened by the rising stars of the giver community, such as myself. And.. 2) She couldn’t get a man even if she wanted one, which is why most women become Nuns. So, her opinion doesn’t carry much weight with me as I tirelessly tackle the time constraints of being a benefactor of kindness and knowledge, while keeping up a normal love life.

Although I am not currently dating anyone, by my choice of course, I still go on dates almost every week. I am often alone on these dates but I am able to maintain a rather engrossing conversation and follow the evening up with passionate lovemaking in spite of my solo status. The lesser minds of the world will now be scoffing at the last sentence, but that is why they are Mental Midgets and I am the “Enlightened Minority.” The rest of the Mensa members down at “Washed up Willies Suds and Duds,” (One of the only Plus size lingerie night clubs in the USA, although I hear they are very popular in other countries like Iowa) Anyway, the rest of the members, “Willie the Mind” and “Brains McDougal,” know that the ritual of exercising your dating skills is every bit as critical as other forms of exercise such as keeping your tolerance up and being able to walk home from the bar. So it is I that laughs at you, while you go out and blunder through a date because you have not mastered your dating skills through devoted practice and repetition as I have.

Every now and then a woman comes along that just doesn’t understand men. I attempted such a date with one of these Puritan Princesses just last week. She had told me “No, I don’t want to go out with you,” (which as any trained professional knows means , “I really want you bad.” So I complied with her obvious come on and explained I would be back at 8 o’clock to pick her up and that if she hoped to get any action later she should forgo the bra because I haven’t been able to unhook one of those since I was 15. (Trauma induced psychosis according to my high school counselor.) I also explained that I had a bit of a rash on my rear end so she probably wouldn’t be able to spank me as I am sure she hoped. “Oh and lastly,” I said, “I am a bit short on cash so if you could bring $50 in ones so the strippers can see we have some tip money, there is a good chance we won’t get thrown out before the 10 O'clock mustache ride competition.” I was actually pretty shocked at my level of honesty with this one, I must kind of like her, she might even be “The One.”

It was these thoughts that were going through my head as I pulled the K-car into the driveway of her double wide and sauntered up to her door. I was however very rudely greeted by 4 husky voiced, crew cut women in blue jeans and white T-shirts with the sleeves rolled up. The first one they called “Butch,” shoved me hard in the chest and sent me sprawling over the pink flamingo collection and into the plastic daisy bed. As I got up dusting off my freshly pressed polyester bell bottoms, the second one they called “Max,” kicked me in the back of the knee, grabbed a fistful of groin and drove my head into the right quarter panel of the K-car. Fortunately the rust gave way just enough that I avoided unconsciousness and was able to scramble to my feet, and burn rubber out of the “Women’s Rainbow Haven Trailer Park” with my life still intact.

I was not about to admit defeat at the hands of a clearly confused woman and decided to finish the date alone. After 2 1/2 minutes of exquisite lovemaking, I dressed and went down to Willies where the Mensa club and I tried to figure out what could possibly have gone wrong with this date and why women act the way they do. I am glad to say that after 11 beers each we concluded that it was probably the age old inferiority complex at play here that had, and so often does, cloud women’s sense of better judgment. I was also glad to know that in spite of this particular woman’s weakness, I was still in top dating form and ready to get back on that horse..…Oh... and fear not ladies…there is plenty of this Stallion to go around..!!

rm_4yousexyeyes 105F
307 posts
1/23/2006 5:28 am

Just love you post. I love to laugh and you have made my morning coffee so much better.

Become a member to create a blog