Just offering some advice...  

View2aDream 51F
23 posts
2/5/2006 3:13 pm

Last Read:
8/10/2006 6:27 pm

Just offering some advice...


Some of the responses to the first blog (all kind - I thank you for not killing me on my first posting ) indicated that getting lost in the shuffle is probably the most likely and most commonly assumed reason a woman would not respond. I understand that there are more men on here than women (and if the women knew of the attention they'd receive... the numbers would probably flip). So - I thought I'd respond and give you some advice... quality and quantity in your initial message.

Now - while I like long, well thought out messages, a shorter version, well crafted can hit the spot as well. The ones that drive us women crazy:

"Hey - wanna f*%@#? Here's my number - call me."

--- OR ----

"Do you have a pic?"

--- OR ----

"liked youre profile check mine outlet me know if interest"

The first one: Come on - I know it's AdultFriendFinder, but we'd still like to be "woo'd", intrigued, seduced in some sense! If you're getting a response to that one - check out the for-pay websites that keep popping up a little more often.

The second one: You'd better send yours first! And - some of us are in sensitive positions and need some level of comfort / assurance before sharing face pictures. And as for naughty - you won't get those from me. Not offended by getting any (at all ), but I simply won't share anything like that outside of an already going relationship.

Now the last one, guys, come on! Simple punctuation, capitalization, and spelling... At least in my case - no educated, intelligent, professional woman is going to want to deal with a man that is obviously less educated - or simply won't take the time to write something out properly.

With the nastiness out of the way - what ARE we looking for? Do we prefer messages over profile content? Are we looking at physical traits?(AKA Male Endowment) I can't speak for all women out here, but for me... A well thought out message goes much farther. At least until I catch you copy/pasting it to someone else (yes - I have friends/spies out there... ). The message should reflect your actual reading of my profile. There's a lot there - quite a bit of ammunition to start a conversation. With that said, a simple, straight forward (other than the "f*%# me" ones) that leads to a very well thought out profile works, too. Not as well, but - depends on the profile.

Bottom line, guys, take your time. In the profile, don't simply answer AdultFriendFinder's questions. Use them - but craft your own statement, in your own words. With messages - read the woman's profile and ask good questions. I've actually responded to unique approaches too. For example: a guy recently contacted me with "I'm just going to try this - tell you what I like to do and see if you're interested in talking more about it." The pic he attached: him scuba diving with a dolphin! So - approach can make it happen as well.

Now - Physical information. I'm sure this varies dramatically, woman-to-woman. Admittedly, I have a height requirement. I'm finding out I'm tall for a women (5'7" ) - not an Amazon - but taller than average (avg being 5'4" ). I, personally, don't desire to tower over a guy (my issue - I know and admit to it) - and, I like to wear high heels. Male Endowment - not important to me. Though I find it funny when a man actually answers with "short/thin". Hmmmm - were you thinking that day? While I'm a believer in "it's what you do with it that counts..." - short/thin isn't going to allow for finding out what you can do with it. Don't lie - just don't answer. Body Type - that's hard. I think AdultFriendFinder has done a poor job on identifying these. I personally, initially, put up that I had a "little extra padding" (before I lost weight - the pic you see is indeed me now) - but "ample" actually comes as "thinner/smaller" if taking the list in size order. I personally would never want to identify myself as ample. Hint: If you have written into your profile that you like a woman with an athletic build, yet you respond to a profile that indicates average or anything other than "athletic" - you might want to address that in your message.

Let's address the "It is AdultFriendFinder, you know. If you're looking for something serious - you're in the wrong place." Yes - I know it's AdultFriendFinder. Because of that, I'm not offended by the graphic pictures (boy or girl or both) - in fact, enjoy looking sometimes. I am a sexual being - but I've not had a labotomy, so still need some form of honest communication. You want senseless sex - get a hooker. While I'm not looking for anything permanent - and wouldn't do so here - I'm still looking for some form of companionship. And, to be honest, the men I respond to seem to be genuinely looking for something similar. While sex sits in the background (or the foreground as the case may be), there's still a need for a connection before that can happen. I can't tell you how many meets I've been to where the "chemistry" just didn't pan out.

Okay - that's my soap box today. Let's see if you stay "nice" this time around!

PS - One last bit of advice: check your profile regularly. Know what you have in it! If it's out of date, fix it! EX: You've identified yourself in the self-written parts as 40, but your "data" section indicates you're 45 - I can only guess one of three things (none of which will help your case): 1) You're lying somewhere - not an attractive trait; 2) It's a typo somewhere - carelessness; or 3) It's woefully out of date - making me wonder what else is not not accurate.

Thanks and have a nice day!

Spec662 62M

2/6/2006 6:03 am

You articulate very well. Yes, it's quite an admirable trait especially given many of the 'helium head' comments that are conveyed here. I truly can't figure out many of the womens' ultimate goals other than perhaps some 'pipe dream?' Yes, it's all about style; it's all about timing, but whoa, is it so hard to figure out sometimes especially when "fickle" comes into play.


justlooking3703 56M
43 posts
2/7/2006 10:30 am

Thanks for the well-crafted information. It's always great to hear feedback on what makes the other half tick, especially in a medium like this where "tells" are so hard to get.

I guess that brings me to the topic I'd like to add to the debate: With many profiles that I read, I find myself interested in a general sense, and want to respond based on that interest, yet the profile doesn't provide a "hook" to get the conversation rolling. So, I find myself falling back into some sort of "I liked your profile, please read mine and let's talk" mode, which clearly doesn't work. Let's face it, the only way to make it through the torrent of emails that most women get on here is to catch their eye, and that usually means sending a well-written email with some "meat" to it (pun slightly intended).

Now, there's REALLY only two ways to write a "proper" AdultFriendFinder email in my experience, which means something you wouldn't be afraid to say face-to-face.

(1) send a decription of yourself and what you're looking for (which is tantamount to quoting your profile), or
(2) find something in her email that you can build an introduction around.

And that's the catch.... So, I'd simply ask that women keep that in mind when writing their profiles. Don't just say what you like & don't like, give a little thought to what kind of responses you want to generate as well.


rm_Snowman6973X 65M

2/23/2006 9:06 am

Well spoken....

I also believe in trying to reply to all messages, even with a "no thank-you" with the quick reply system. Now as far as the rude messages that most women are probably recieving...delete without reply. But seriously, do reply to all sincere messages. Manytimes, feel that I am writing emails that disappear into the black hole of AdultFriendFinder and are never heard from again.

And if you are a STANDARD member, I would seriously consider why you are here....Then sign up as a Silver or Gold member. It will pay off in the long run.

Last point, there are nice guys out here...and we are waiting in a long line to meet you...(big smile)


itsgiveandtake 44M
1 post
4/16/2006 5:43 pm

Very articulate and well written blog! I tend to be long winded and although I don't write to many people on this site (not too many profiles intrigue me) I would say that when I do write, I try to cover as much as possible. I like to specifically tell her what it was that I enjoyed about her profile and what I think we have in common. I also like to tell her a little about me, to at least pique her interest. I have a pretty good amount of information in my profile, and even though I attach it, I still try to cover whatever isn't there. I rarely invite anyone to my network nudie section until they either ask or show interest. I attach a few pics of me as well, because some may not be able to view my profile or I may want to attach a different pic from that on my profile.

As previously mentioned, I don't really like that many people are standard members, but I guess when you are a female, you get an absurd amount of mail anyway. It would just help to weed out the fake ads that AdultFriendFinder places to interest the guys. Obviously we all know that there are entirely more men on here than women, but I hate seeing the same old "I'm not changing my life...." line on every other profile.

Anyway, thanks for the blog. I enjoyed reading it and I enjoyed your profile as well.


Dripping_Sexy 54F
19 posts
1/21/2007 7:01 am

*wink*... great blog!!! look forward to reading more...


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