|Blogs > VELVETGIRL69 > Velvetgirl69's Blog|
You must read this if you are going to meet him.
You must read this if you are going to meet him.
There are sociopaths out there and sometimes it's hard to tell if the person you are going to meet is one.
"They lack empathy and a sense of responsibility, and they manipulate, lie and con others with no regard for anyone's feelings."
Think you can spot a sociopath? Think again.
(He is here a among you LEXX10INCH goes by Mark sometimes when he meets you.)
Sociopaths often blend easily into society. They're entertaining and fun at parties. They appear to be intelligent, charming, well-adjusted and likable. The key word is "appear." Because for sociopaths it's all an illusion, designed to convince you to give them what they want. Sociopaths are masters of manipulation. They're fluent talkers (liars). Even when caught in a lie, they change their stories without skipping a beat. They're totally comfortable in social situations and cool under pressure. They will say absolutely anything–"I love you," "You can trust me," "I'll never do it again." The words, to them, mean absolutely nothing.
"Psychopaths are social predators who charm, manipulate and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations and empty wallets. Completely lacking in conscience and feelings for others, they selfishly take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without the slightest sense of guilt or regret."
If you're dealing with a person who exhibits some of these traits, put your guard up. If that person shows many or all of these traits, get him or her out of your life.
These are the "RED FLAGS"
LAVISH FLATTERY - If you've just met someone who is overwhelming you with praise, attention and concern, be careful. Be particularly careful if you're lonely and looking for love–con artists know exactly how to play that tune.
CREDENTIALS EXAGGERATED AND FABRICATED - Con artists may "prove" themselves by namedropping or volunteering detailed resumes or credentials. If you're at all suspicious, check their references.
BUILDING YOUR TRUST - Con artists will sometimes honor their commitments in the beginning so that you begin to trust them. They'll pay back initial loans, or appear to be unselfishly helping other people. Their objective is to get you to drop your guard.
THE STORY DOESN'T QUITE ADD UP - The con artist's story may have small inconsistencies or unexplained loose ends. If you ask questions, the con will convincingly provide an explanation–which may also not add up. Or, he or she will sidestep the issue by accusing you of paranoia or mistrust.
INTENSE EYE CONTACT - Typically, when people talk to each other, they look each other in the eyes and then briefly look away. Sociopathic con artists often exhibit a "predatory stare"–unblinking, fixated and emotionless. It's not a sign of empathy–it's an effort to assert control.
POOR BEHAVIOR CONTROLS - Sociopaths are short-tempered or hot-headed and tend to respond to frustration, failure, discipline and criticism with sudden violence, threats and verbal abuse. They take offense easily and become angry and aggressive over trivialities, and often in a context that appears inappropriate to others. But their outbursts, extreme as they may be, are generally short-lived, and they quickly resume acting as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Although sociopaths have a "hair trigger" and readily initiate aggressive displays, their ensuing behavior is not out of control. On the contrary, when sociopaths "blow their stack" it is as if they are having a temper tantrum; they know exactly what they are doing. Their aggressive displays are "cold;" they lack the intense emotional arousal experienced by others when they lose their temper.
“While most of us have strong inhibitions about physically injuring others, psychopaths typically do not. For them, violence and threats are handy tools to be used when they are angered, defied or frustrated, and they give little thought to the pain and humiliation experienced by the victims. Their violence is callous and instrumental–used to satisfy a simple need, such as sex, or to obtain something he or she wants–and the psychopath's reactions to the event are much more likely to be indifference, a sense of power, pleasure, or smug satisfaction than regret at the damage done. Certainly nothing to lose any sleep over.”
It's not unusual for sociopaths to inflict serious physical or emotional damage on others, sometimes routinely, and yet refuse to acknowledge that they have a problem controlling their tempers. In most cases, they see their aggressive displays as natural responses to provocation.
NEED FOR EXCITMENT - Sociopaths have an ongoing and excessive need for excitement–they long to live in the fast lane or "on the edge," where the action is. In many cases the action involves breaking the rules. The flip side of this yearning for excitement is an inability to tolerate routine or monotony. Sociopaths are easily bored.
RELATIONSHIP VIOLENCE - If you're living with a sociopath, you may feel like you're "walking on eggshells"–never knowing when he will fly into a rage, scream obscenities, and strike you, your children or your pets.
Or, you may be in emotional turmoil–the sociopath tells you that he loves you, but you don't feel any intimacy. He stands in front of you crying, telling you that he doesn't want to lose you, while having multiple extramarital affairs. Then he tells you that you're paranoid and blames you for the problems in your relationship.
Charming, entertaining, witty
Sociopaths look and act like your best friend.
Listen to your instincts–and your friends.
So what can you do? Here are some suggestions:
1. Don't ignore your doubts -
Your emotions, or your relief about finally finding someone who wants you, will cloud your judgment. If your instincts are telling you something is wrong, pay attention. Set aside your romantic feelings and critically evaluate exactly what your beau is proposing to you.
2. Verify his story -
Try to check anything that he told you–where he was born, when he was in the military, where he worked. If you find discrepancies and confront your beau about them, be prepared. He will probably try to explain them away, or attack you for not trusting him.
3. Ask your friends what they think -
Your friends will assume that you know what you're doing, and they won't want to throw a wet blanket on your happiness. So even if they don't like the guy, they will not say anything–unless you ask for their honest opinions. If they are suspicious, listen to them.
Sociopaths do not change. You will not be able to help them.
In my case every single one of my friends came to me and told me how much they disliked him. They did not wait for me to ask. They were very clear about their disdain for him. They were being protective of me, but I never listened. My entire body was screaming at me to pay attention.
Did I listen?
So if you think something is up or you feel uneasy trust your instincts. Once a sociopath gets through with you, it can be devastating and can have a similar emotional affect as if you have been .
11/28/2005 11:21 pm
I chatted with Lexx10inch (Mark) briefly on IMC and on the phone...never met him and from the sounds of it, I'm glad I didn't. Sorry to hear about your bad experience. Hang in there...I've met some really nice guys. Best advice: be very, very selective...the nice guys aren't in a hurry to meet right away.
12/23/2005 2:55 pm
Sad but you learned a lot! And Nietzche said that which does not kill me makes me stronger! So have some fun and forget the psycho!|
3/6/2006 4:18 am
redmustang91...Nietzch sure got it right and that is the mantra I live by that feeds my spirit to seek out answers to my eternal questions. Thank you for your response.|
5/9/2006 8:32 pm
I so agree with you Dreamweaver_33.|