How to ease the pain of a breakup!!!  

VELVETGIRL69 51F
98 posts
12/23/2005 2:03 pm

Last Read:
8/1/2006 8:14 am

How to ease the pain of a breakup!!!

It is tough to ease the pain of a breakup and only time and talking about it to all who will listen helps.

I too have recently been dealing with a breakup and have found that talking and writing are two best ways to express the anger and pain that goes hand in hand with a loss.

My ex whom I lived with for 4 years and had known for eight, encouraged me to leave my marriage of 15 years because he told me I was the one.

He wined and dined me in the beginning and promised everlasting love and faithfulness. During the whole relationship I felt I couldn't quite let my guard down and started to feel anxious after the first 6 months of living together.

He started to display passive aggressive behavior and bouts of Jekyll and Hide personality. My intuition was letting me know that he was up to something and I couldn't
quite get a grasp on what it was.

During this time I discovered he was hiding a secret life of perversion and sexual addiction. I discovered he was into child porn and did a really good job of trying to hide this from me. I confronted him about it and he was able in
the beginning to convince me it was all an accident.

As time past I kept seeing that this pattern was continuing and as hard as he kept trying to hide this from me the better I got at detecting it.

I confronted him with evidence and he admitted to his problem and I being the caring forgiving person that I was tried to get him help. He lied to me about everything. He was hanging around porn shops and paying for sex. He created profiles and met others for sex telling them he was single. He lied about his name and lied to his family and tried to make me out to be the villain.

Three months ago I kicked him out and he continued to lie to me and still tried to convince me he was good and that he
never cheated on me. He told me I was still his girlfriend and that we were going to work this out and he was hopeful and was not having sex with anyone.

I found his profile one day after he received email from AdultFriendFinder. He swore up and down it was spam. He yelled at me and verbally
abused me and told me I was crazy and that he would never do anything like that to hurt me. I did not buy it and began the quest of finding the truth.

This man is suffering from a personality disorder which is quite serious and very detrimental to others. He is a predator and will stop at nothing. He has left a trail of
abuse and destruction to others.

I have revealed him to his family, friends and coworkers and some of the women he is involved with who have children because I feel it is abuse that cannot be silenced and continued.

This is how I have been trying to make peace with the betrayal and emotional that has taken place. His handle is (Lexx10inch).
He has lost friends over this and will continue to alienate everyone.

He is an empty soul who has no self worth and cares about no one. What helps me is thinking about how miserable I was when I was with him and how bad he always made me feel.

I was always walking on eggshells around him and was becoming physically ill and exhausted all the time.

I take comfort in knowing I am a good person who tried to help and nurture this man but despite all this there was nothing I could do to fix it.

He was the problem and like any addict he needed to help himself.

I have surrounded myself with friends and go out almost every night and have fun. I laugh and celebrate life and remind myself I did escape the horror. Yes it will take time and I have learned a valuable lesson in all this.

Make sure you take the time to heal and do some soul searching, get to know yourself and stay positive. Search out support and counseling and you will get thru this.

Help others who have experienced a similar loss and you will see it will strengthen you and you will become a stronger, better person
then you were before.

I hope this helps a little and you find peace in your life.

Good luck.



pleasureyourclit 66M
836 posts
1/4/2006 4:50 pm

In time ones true color always show rather it’s good or bad; time also heal all pain and hurt! Glad you were able to enjoy this New Year and sounds like joy is returning to your heart.

Keep the faith!


VELVETGIRL69 51F

1/4/2006 7:40 pm

Thank you for your positive and validating comment. I agree one's true colors do eventually show thru. Time is definitely magical and key to healing. Joy for me is inevitable and very important to living my life fully. Thank you for the warm wishes.


Kiwi_Guy1969 48M  
23 posts
2/9/2006 12:28 am

Hey Velvet,

wow you certainly must have been on one hell of a major emotional rollercoaster over this.
I am glad its over for you, and i hope you can heal quickly.
I think you did the right thing in "outting" him.
It's one thing to lie to or take advantage of an adult, as bad as it is. But it's doesnt compare to taking advantage of innocent children, sexually or otherwise, and you have a duty to let people know about this guy's criminal predilictions.

Best of luck with your future, and the search for a nice guy.

Kiwi


VELVETGIRL69 51F

2/11/2006 4:59 pm

Thank you Kiwi guy1969. Yes you got it an emotional rollercoaster like no other before. As being over it that's work in progress. The worst is over and healing has been progressing.
What you made me realize and I thank you for this is that although I don't know for sure the extent of his pedophilia whether or not he is actively and physically seeking out underage people it is enough that actively seeking it out on the internet and having an interest is enough of a sickness and I know it contributes to the real live abuse that goes on in making child porn.
When there is interest in it there then becomes a venue for it and real children are abused and used in the making of it. I don’t believe any child willingly contributes to this sickness and we as adults should know better and not take advantage of innocent children.
So in viewing this type of pornography we as adults are just as guilty and sick as the adults making this type of illegal pornography.


noncomit34 47F
3 posts
8/1/2006 2:09 am

Why would you sacrifice a 15 yr marriage for some guy?


Become a member to create a blog