Green Lights and Red Flags  

98 posts
5/19/2006 1:38 pm

Last Read:
7/26/2006 3:24 am

Green Lights and Red Flags

Over the last few months I have mostly concentrated on bringing awareness to what a psychopath looks like but I felt I needed to balance this out with what a healthy person looks like. In saying this I will provide both traits of healthy and unhealthy to demonstrate the difference.

Positive traits indicating the potential for a loving partnership:

Does s/he have a sense of joy in life?

Do you enjoy his/her ideas, and do you feel a rapport with him/her?

Do you feel a real connection, laughing together and catching meanings in the same way?

Is there a "best friend" quality to your relationship?

Do you feel relaxed with him/her?

Can you really be yourself without criticism?

Does s/he share their interests with you and express an interest in yours?

Does he/she speak openly and honestly about him/herself?

Is s/he willing to have you spend time alone, even if he'd/she'd like to be with you?

Is he/she glad you have other friends?

Does he/she have interests besides you?

Is he/she pleased at your accompishments and ambitions?

Does he/she sometimes ask your opinion?

Does the person tell you when their feelings are hurt?

Does the person make an effort to get along with family members (their own and yours?)

Do you feel warmth and understanding from this person?

"Red flags", or traits to watch out for:

Is their humour often at the expense of others, or is it bitter or intimidating, or does it make you uncomfortable?

Does this person argue against your thoughts, ideas, feelings, and experiences?

Is time spent with him/her not as pleasant as you usually anticipate?

Is this persons world composed of "good guys" and "bad guys"?

Does he/she ask you about other partners in your life previous to now?

Does he/she want to know where you've been when you've been out?

Does he/she think you're going to "cheat when you're just talking to someone or dancing with an old friend?

Is he/she jealous of your friends or relatives?

Is this person somewhat inflexible (very traditional) about gender roles?

Does he/she silently sulk when angry?

Do you like yourself less than usual when you've been with this person?

Does he/she sometimes put you on a pedestal, saying he/she doesn't deserve you?

Hope this helps bring a little more clarity to some of you who are questioning your present friendships or relationships with others.

(The above provided from "The Living Through Loss Counselling Society of BC.")

concupiscentKid 40M

5/19/2006 3:20 pm

Excellent checklist and post.
I read the Hare book and the DSM IVR diagnostic criteria for
anti-social personality disorder.
I did not know there was a difference between aspd and psychopath.
The diagnostic criteria for the former seems poorly worded.
Aspd does not 'lack empathy', he or she just does not care.
They feel your pain; that is what they like.
DSM criteria for narcissistic personality disorder is especially anemic.
Additional proposed criteria includes exhibitionistic motivation to work and cognitive peculiarities. The list goes on.
Again, excellent post and thanks!


5/20/2006 12:54 am

Thank you concupiscentkid for reading my blog, and hope this can help others, help themselves with this information. It's good to know there are others who understand, and know that this is real and that it can happen to anyone.

I did a lot of research regarding Psychopathy, and Narcissism, and wanted to help explain how little we know, and are unaware of the symptoms of both. Perhaps we will start to understand better with knowledge and dialogue.



5/20/2006 3:17 am

Thanks Dakk...Saw you on cam but was unable to page for some reason. Your audio was partly audible so was unable to catch a lot of it. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.


redmustang91 57M  
8663 posts
5/21/2006 12:10 am

Velvet you are a stunner and a shame that you are so far away from so. cal.!


5/26/2006 6:44 pm

Why thank you redmustang91...very sweet of you to say so.

rico5515 52M  
201 posts
6/6/2006 10:36 pm

And I did like your profile, just wish I got to Vancouver more.
As I get stuck here in Kelowna, having to play in the sun, swim at the beach, Its really not fair, I have had to buy two bottles of sun screen so far this year....
(I lost the first).Ha ha.
Hey have fun, I chat in the BC room see you about!!!


6/13/2006 1:12 am

Hiya rico...thanks and I will see you about.


Hope you are sharing the sun

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