|Blogs > TwoMuchPhun > From The Pit To The Pique|
Trading My Package For A Vacation Package
Trading My Package For A Vacation Package
(For my birthday, some friends chipped in together and bought me a Gender Swap Vacation. They figured I'd never use it, it was just a practical joke. Since there are no refunds, I figured, "Why not?" It's just for the day, and might be fun to see how the other half lives...)
0700-0715: Get up out of bed after racking in late, rub my eyes in lieu of scratching my balls, then head to the head spending the remaining time practicing my Kegels... I've got a busy day ahead of me, so better do PMS (And no- that means Preventative Maintenance Schedule!)
Dammit! Who left the friggin’ seat up?! Oh, yeah…
Whoops, I almost forgot… gotta blot dry! (mmmmm, I suddenly see some benefit to this method of bilge-pumping!)
0715-0805: Let the Rotten Dawg out (Wonder why she looked at me so strangely?), get the coffee going, and do some serious investigation on various types of breast fondling.
Pretty nice rack they included: not too big, pert and perky… tho I will have to do something about the all those hairs growing around the aureoles, pleasant as tugging on ’em is…
0805: Realize the coffee is long since brewed. Pour a cup.
0805-0900: Login AdultFriendFinder, check out my profile from my new feminine perspective to see why I’m still living a lifestyle that makes the Mojave Desert look lush...
Sheesh, I thought that cutesy rambling style and those not-so-veiled sexual allusions would work? Take corrective action. Damn! That took a lot more work than I realized! But that‘s a vast improvement- Hell, even I‘d wanna screw me, now!
(Note to self: Check to see if a Hermaphrodite Vacation package is available…)
0900-1015: Check out the guys web camming.
Holy shit! I had no idea how ridiculous we look! What a fuckin’ hoot!
And, my Gawd! When those dudes notice I’m watching, they IM me faster than my dog on a Snausage! What a bunch of losers!
Hmm, I do have to wonder why my spare hand kept finding pleasant things to do between my legs the entire time…
1015-1045: A quick shower. It had to be: next time I take one of these Gender Exchanges, I won’t cheap out again, but will spring for the deluxe package tour… I mean, look at the shit that guy left in the bathroom for me to use!
Bargain shampoo and conditioner, no exfoliant or a loofah, deodorant that’s strong enough for, AND made for a man. Fuckin’ savage! (And don’t even get me started on the lack of cosmetics! The few odds n ends I found here were left-overs from earlier girl friends, but none of ‘em work for me- I’m an AUTUMN, Godammit!!!)
At least I found some fresh razor injectors, and used up three of ’em clearing the undergrowth from the pits, brush-hogging my legs, and styling in a nice little Hitler for my gato- that’s better, at least!
1045-1215: Scrounge around looking for something to wear out in public for a shopping safari. It doesn’t have to be much, I mean I am in New Hampshire, not on Rodeo Drive!
How the hell does anybody live like this? Aside from jeans and winter-wear grouped together, there is no sense of organization whatsoever here! You would not believe some of the colors he has hanging right next to one another! It really IS true: Men are pigs!
Finally found something adequate: would’ve been out the door earlier, but had to relieve the tension of that wild goose chase several times, I’m sure you can guess how!
Grabbed a handful of the Japanese condoms that’ve been collecting dust here before leaving.
1215-1730: Oh My GOD! I had NO idea how much fun shopping really is!
Although I am now wracked with Buyer’s Remorse: not only because I dropped over $5500 in several hours (But I got sooooooo many cute outfits! Wait, I’m only here for a day. Oh, shit…, but I also wanted to go to the pool and catch some sun.
Guess that adorable bikini I got at Vic’s won’t see the light of day. Too bad.
Now, I’m really in trouble- I won’t be able to make my rent this month! I wonder if maybe I can work out a little, *ahem*, barter with the complex manager. Sure hope she’s at least Bi…
1730-1800: Saunter up Elm St looking for likely victims, errr subjects. I wanna take this little speed boat on a test drive, and so much of the day is already gone! Was approached repeatedly before an adequate sperm donor hit on me.
Pretty cute, and taller than me (I‘m still six feet tall!), nice blue eyes, and an appealing air of confidence and competence that my slowly throbbing pussy responds to, “OK, cutey, what say you n I head up this alley, here?”
1800-1803: Cowboy Up! Well, THAT was a quick ride! Thanx for nothing’, Pal!
Maybe the next one I’ll make work a little harder for it, and to Hell with the time slipping away! I want a nut, too! (Or would that now be an ‘ovary’..?)
1803-1820: Find a public restroom to tidy up in. Eeeew, how gross could it be in here? I don’t want even the soles of my new Prada boots touching the floor… I’m not the only thing here that needs a good mopping up…
1820-1830: Complained to the management about the deplorable condition of their rest room. He immediately sent out the most incredibly hunky youngster (OMG! Did I just say that?!!) to clean it up. He doesn’t speak too much English, but did establish his shift is up at 7.
Hmmmmmm, all of a sudden, I need a Diet Coke to nurse for a while…
1830-1900: A very pleasant time watching Xavier perform his custodial duties in the dining area… strange how long it took- given the general tidiness of the public area of the restaurant.
I find myself having impure thoughts about this youthful émigré… along the lines of salsa music, banging drums, and what he could do to my Cootchie-Cootchie-Cootchie!!!
1904: He comes to my table, his eyes find mine, questioningly. With a demure nod of my head, I rise and follow him out the door, to his Vespa scooter.
Now, I’ve always been partial to bikes that have a higher number of horse power than I have molars, but I’m not about to emasculate the poor kid, so I successfully stifle my mirth, and saddle up pillion… another first in a day brimming over with ‘em.
1904-2130: I’d better narrow this down if it all’s gonna fit here!
We rode the scooter down a bicycle path I’ve used along the Merrimack River, found a secluded, grassy spot near the water as it gurgles and chuckles over the rocks in the shallows.
I will tell you two things: Cunnilingus feels so much better than I ever imagined, and when I helped him pull down his pants… well, let’s just say that Burger King does believe in truth in advertising, at least when it comes to corporate slogans!!!
What a great kid! Even though we speak different languages, and only have a few words of the other’s tongue, our tongues didn’t lay idle! Amazing how much you can get done with a little gentle guiding.
Oh yeah, I had it my way, alright!
2130-2200: Well, actually, the ‘Home of the Whopper’ was expecting him back hours ago, so we saddled up for the fourth time, that’d be twice on the Vespa, and he dropped me off at my car on his way home.
2200-0000: Took a long, hot, soapy soak. Candles, some Coltrane playing softly, and a bottle of wine within easy reach, cucumber slices on my eyes. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
0000-0230: Logged back into AdultFriendFinder.
Holy Mother of God!!!
Look at all these replies and emails that’ve stacked up! I guess those edits this morning struck pure gold! Humph, I guess it’s not just what you say, but how you say it, that really matters! I’ll do some replying so my cock will have something to look forward to after today’s vacation!
It’s too bad I never got up to the leasing office today… I’d’ve loved to taste that pussy! And to see what finer points a woman could teach me about giving pleasure to another woman… that definitely would’ve come in handy once I’m back together with my original factory-installed equipment.
I wish I could stay awake, but I can’t keep my eyes open… but I’m not about to curse Xavier for all those orgasms he gave me finally cumin’ home to roost. Uh uh, no way, no sir!
0230: Mmmmm! What a great day! Maybe when I get a chance to re-book, I’ll go for a week, instead of a day! Now, snuggle this nice, fluffy pillow between my legs,
0415-430: Oh shit! Back to reality. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, and taught me more than a few things. Time to get some coffee, and then get my crank back.
0430: “Hello. This is Mr. Phun. Why yes, I did have a lovely time, thanx for asking. Huh? What? Um, no, I do plan on booking again, but right now isn’t a good time for it.
“Why? Because I spent way too freakin’ much while I was out! Wh-, wh-, WAIT a dang second! LOOK, I have to leave for work in a little over an hour, and I’d really like my dick returned before I leave! Just put me on your mailing list, ok?
“WELL, WHY IN THE FUCK NOT?!!!
“Oh God… You say she took the month vacation package..?”
10/21/2005 4:22 pm
....ahem...Ms.Priapus I presume???|
LOL. don't worry, it's good to be a woman, however the uncertainty of the location of your...um..."package" makes me a little misty-eyed. sigh. i'm gonna miss the "not-so" lil guy.
10/21/2005 6:15 pm
Hmmm, I hadn't pondered those implications before- would that make me MissNympho now? Maybe not, even tho the Nymphs were imbued with powers, they weren't deities... Isis, or Venus would work for the purposes of this Post (or MIA post, as it were!)
No worries- the "not-so" Little Captain was last spotted on an airbase hosting hurricane refugees; where he was seen buying booze and soliciting lap-dances with the $2000 guilt-money FEMA coughed up.
Of course, I am still in possession of the lap, so it's hard telling what he was thinking...
PS: It is good to be a woman, but soooooo much better being with a woman, in my humble opinion!
10/22/2005 6:48 am
(Weird, I replied last night, and it didn‘t stick. I‘ll use my sticky keyboard this time…
Ya know, I hadn’t considered that there’d be a change in my Handle by the expedient of my handle being shanghaied…
MissNympho..? Nah, while the Nymphs were inbued with powers, they weren’t deities… So, maybe Isis or Venus will do for the interim until my penis is returned to me.
Agreed, it is good to be a Woman, tho I’d much rather be doing a woman! No worries, tho: the “not-so” Little Captain was last seen on an airbase hosting hurricane victims, buying booze and lap-dances with the $2000 guilt money FEMA provided… tho since I’m still in possession of my lap, it’s hard telling what he’s thinking…
10/23/2005 10:04 am
An addendum to the whole gender exchange experiment: |
I'm not sure if it's something you XXs have hard-wired into y'all, or if I based my feminine reactions on a composite of women I've shared space with over the years.
I'm not a complete pig (I do rotate my swill monthly, whether it needs it, or not!), but I noticed a cleanliness tone in my "other" half's reaction that is completely unlike me.
Is that a fairly typical feminine reaction to grunge, grot, and disorder, or have I had the misfortune to play Oscar to a lifetime's worth of Felix'?
Please advise before I have to hire an exterminator, errr, house-keeper...
Been a while since they last let me out into polite society. Resurfacing, catching a breath, & catching up.
And while I got my Broad-Brimmed Pimping Hat on, could I cajole all of y'all to Comment on, Alone In A Cloud? It's probably the best thing that I've written!