Lies my Parents Told Me and One Lie that I Cant Forget  

TomEboy10 59M
357 posts
10/13/2005 7:27 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Lies my Parents Told Me and One Lie that I Cant Forget


Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows.
David T. Wolfe

The roots of my cynicism began at a young age. As someone once observed, a cynic is just a man who found out when he was ten there wasn’t any Santa Claus and he is still upset. Count me in that class. I was crushed ‒ you mean there is no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy? As I grew I learned more lies ‒ my parents were not happily married, my father wasn’t the strongest man on the block, growing up in this family wasn’t like growing up in “Father knows Best”, this world isn’t safe, life is not fair and all the usual revelations of passing from idealism to experience to cynicism.

One of the lies my mother taught me that stays with me today was the lie that“Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.”

What a crock of shit! I experienced first hand the pain of being called names that hurt me to my core. I was stupid to my father. I was four eyes to the kids in the neighborhood. I had a last name that was easy to make fun of. I had a birthmark on my nose which my next-door neighbor said a fly took a crap on me and that what I was ‒ flycrap. Funny to everyone but me. Broken bones might have hurt less.

I grew up in the male one-up, one-down world. If you get hit, you need to learn to hit back. I was a lover, not a fighter. It did not help I was so small physically. I didn’t stand a chance against the bigger, stronger males.Instead,I would hit you harder with my tongue that my fists could ever hit you. That was my weapon and I wielded it like a master swordsman. I could cut you into a thousand pieces before I thrust my sword in your heart, making everyone within listening distance laugh while I committed that act of violence against you. Making people laugh was something I was good at yet pain is at the bottom of so much humor and I developed, as Napoleon Bonaparte said, skills. I was the master cut down artist in the neighborhood and in school. Skills of survival, skills that hid the pain .I was never a bully about it. I only took this skill out when I needed to.

I am not a physically violent person. I have never touched a woman in a violent way in my life ‒ ever. I have been in one fight and that was when I was 10 years old. I promised I would never be the way my father was and his father was before him.

Yet I have hurt so many with my tongue…I wish I could take back the pain I have caused. The problem is you do not get a black eye or a broken leg when someone assaults you verbally. The pain is so much deeper. It was my defense and at times, my offense. (When you know what it is like to be hurt you choose to try and not hurt others deliberately. I knew life was fragile. I did not enjoy making fun of others having been made fun of myself. This was more a way for me to fight back)

There were times I was wrong and I am sorry. I cannot change what happened then but I can now. Like a master martial artist, I am aware of the skill I possess and I choose to keep it in check. Today, I apologize quickly and try to be gentle, even when I feel justified.

The lies have left me a man who fights cynicism every day of his life. I would rather not be the man who, when he smells flowers, looks for a coffin but I am. I am a hopeful cynic, one that is aware that this is the price I must pay for where I have been yet not where I am going.

digdug41 49M

10/13/2005 8:47 am

yeah your right about that words do hurt its like the first time I experienced rascism first hand.I was in the 7th grade and I said something to this white girl I forget exactly what it was but her boyfriend approached me and said hands off nigger and I never forgot that so yeah have to be careful of what you say to people because you dont know what someone may remember down the line and its a small world

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


__Huntress__ 55M/57F

10/13/2005 10:20 am

As damn ... this hurt a nerve today !


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/13/2005 3:33 pm

TomEboy -

Great, great, great post!

I was sitting here wondering if a lot of the people on this website (myself included) are here because of things said to them in the near and distant past.


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