Blogs > ToBeofUse > Hunger
Hunger
 
We all know the feeling. You just want to kiss someone deeply, coup de foudre, a strike of lightning to the heart. Sometimes it happens to me. I don't act on it. But I do pause, think, and breath deeply. Kissing, done well, is magnificent.

My name, my handle, comes from the poem "To Be Of Use" by Marge Piercy:


The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.
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across the continent Aug 12, 2009 7:27 am
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A few posts back, I wrote of visiting the Richard Avedon exhibit at the San Francisco MOMA. I attached a copy of his Monroe portrait, an unvarnished capturing of her pain shortly before she died of an overdose.

Not all of Avedon's pictures captured pain. I was reminded of this yesterday when I visited the New York MOMA and saw their Avedon pictures, including some of the same I saw across the continent in SF. Two of my favorites are the iconic photo of Bob Dylan from the 1960s and the glorious swirl of Twiggy's hair around her pacific face, positively erotic in its lushness.

The New York MOMA has many of the paintings that define modern art, including Van Gogh's "Starry Night," Picasso's "Desmoiselles d'Avignon," and Rousseau's "Sleeping Gypsy." I made a mental note to visit MOMA every visit to NYC, not just every few years.

I decided a few weeks ago that if I do not have work contracts in hand, I will travel around the country, meet old friends, visit museums and eat, drink and embrace life.
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I move best at night Aug 7, 2009 7:57 pm
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I love waking to the sun's first rays in the summer. At 5AM I can see the sun start its spread across my sky. The birds of summer are a delight, almost unbelievable until you experience it. Their songs are real, evident every day. Blue Jays and crows are the most obvious but it does not take long to hear the others including cardinals, chickadees, sparrows, robbins and mockingbirds.

But I am a man of the night. My body is in tune with nocturnal cycles. I stay awake when others would sleep. I water my orchids and clean my nest.

I read about food, history and politics. Tonight, I am watching the moon rise over Boston, a glorious sight, thinking of what Julia Child gave America.

Bless all people who teach us what we should embrace and love.
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you don't understand Aug 4, 2009 9:29 am
558 Views
I spent last weekend in Sonoma County, wine country, at a lovely little cottage along the Russian River. The weather was perfect and I enjoyed sharing time with family. Saturday was perfect, warm but not hot, and sunny. It was exactly the kind of day you want to kayak on a placid river.

We went back to the cottage after our river run and cleaned up. I then went into town to buy cheese and wine for our mid-afternoon break, but first I wandered around the small town. I spied an attractive young woman eyeballing me and, the perpetual flirt that I am, I spoke with her. At some point I asked "What do you do for fun around here?"

She responded "I like to drink a little, smoke a little and suck cock, probably the same as you."

Heywaitaminute. You don't understand. I am not gay, I thought. I told her and she assured me it was no problem.

It turns out that our village is a gay male hangout and it was "Bear Week" when bigger, older and hairier gay men come in droves. Now, I am not that hairy and nobody would describe me as large, but I was pegged by this younger thing, even though when I saw her I was thinking about her broad and exposed tan back, and what is attached to it.

So, if your sexual orientation has been mis-identified by somebody, do you take offense and object strenuously, gently try to convince them otherwise, or just move on?
2 Comments
what's B&W and seen all over... SF Aug 3, 2009 11:40 am
499 Views

I have long been a fan of Ansel Adams. A half century of his black & white pictures of the wonders of the American landscape are marvels, so I was intrigued when I saw that his photos were paired with Georgia O'Keefe's colorful paintings at an exhibit at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. The "Natural Affinities" exhibit makes a lot more sense when you see it, as they were close friends and drew from each other. She clearly lifted the details of photography and turned them into abstractions, while he saw photography as the logical step away from abstract art.

The bigger surprise to me was the exhibit of Richard Avedon photos at the SF MoMA. I have always thought of him as a fashion and society photographer, but oh my, oh my. He captured expressions of pain, eroticism, joy and the plainness of living in a way I had not previously noticed. His picture of Marilyn Monroe reveals a sense of impending doom. I wish I could paste other Avedon pics here, some that will make you laugh, others to arouse.

I am working less than full time this summer, so I will instead explore the creations of others.
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inner slut Jul 28, 2009 10:06 am
556 Views
I have been struck many times by the women of Adult FriendFinder whose profiles talk about their inner slut: the librarian who brings her boy toys to work late at night, the office worker who celebrates her various kinks, or even the many women who lead daily lives that would not betray their desire to JUST GET SOME! EVERY NIGHT, PUHLEASE!

There is no comparable archetype for men, maybe because it is assumed we will fuck anything that will let us. Regardless, the lack of archetype leaves us lacking good stories. Not so for women. One of my favorites is a song from one of my favorite albums. Kirsty MacColl released the fabulous "Tropical Brainstorms" in 2000. She is the daughter of a Brit folk singer who fell in love with Latin rhythyms. She writes catchy tunes and had a first rate band and production crew. They all come together in the song "Celestine," in which she sings of her inner slut:

Celestine

Oh she is hot, she’s hot, she’s hot
She’s just a wild and wicked slut
And she lives inside my head and stops me sleeping
And when I think she’s finally gone
Some guy arrives and turns her on
Then she parties until dawn
This can’t go on

Celestine
Get out my dreams
You’re killing me so slowly

So many men, so many fights
So many parties and late nights
She plumbs the depths and hits the heights
That Celestine
She pretends that she can’t hear me
She pretends she’s nowhere near me
She just goes quiet and pretends that she’s not in
But Celestine I know you’re there
In your exotic underwear
And you are fixing up your hair now, Celestine

Celestine
Get out my dreams
You’re killing me so slowly

My lover looked into my eyes
And I could tell by his surprise
It was not me he saw in there but Celestine
And now it’s her that he lusts after
I can hear that wicked laughter
Still he comes to me but I know where he’s been

Celestine
Get out my dreams
You’re killing me so slowly

My lover hasn’t got a clue
He doesn’t know that he’s untrue
And it’s not me he makes love to but Celestine
Oh yes she’s hot, she’s hot, she’s hot
I guess she’s everything I’m not
And she lives inside my head and stops me sleeping
1 comment
passion, redux Jul 15, 2009 10:17 pm
564 Views

Two weeks of magnificent spring weather seems impossible in the dead of July, especially as it falls on the heels of the worst spring weather in recorded history. It feels too good to be true. I cannot change nature, only praise or complain when it meets me, so this week I praise it. I blissfully accept in July my delayed spring and I am glad to return to my Boston home to host, rather than visit others.

Blue sky and temps in the mid 70s are perfect outdoor dining weather. Dinner on my deck is a priority, made more important by the arrival of a visitor. He came from afar, the tropics. I aim to please and since I know what makes this boy tick, he and the other two diners were mere putty in my hands.

There are few better early evening summer drinks than prosecco. When served with an especially tangy version of Old Bay shrimp, you have an instant party. On round two, philistines drank vodka martinis, while purists drank dry Saphire martinis capable of etching glass.

We talked endlessly of babies and family, love, retirement, beaches, newly emerging carbon markets and the UN Kyoto negotiations (okay, the first and the last two are my obsessions).

We devoured grand lobsters, steamed corn, local tomatoes and basil (with an unfiltered extra virgin olive oil I bought in Jordan- you cannot believe how good this EVOO tastes!). A crispy cold Spanish albarino by Martin Codax was the perfect wine.

The iPod played for us. I remember hearing Peter Gabriel brilliantly singing Gershwin’s “Summertime.”

"Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high."

Gabriel brings in all the smokiness his voice can muster for this song and almost a decade after I first heard him sing it, it still makes me feel like I am sitting on a dock in the bayou, sipping sweet iced tea and making out with a girl. Carlos Santana, Paul Simon, June Tabor, REM, Los Lobos, Annie Lennox, Tony Bennett and the songs of other filled the air, too.

At end of night, our hands were holding delicious passion fruit cocktails, redolent of citrus, roses and raspberries. The amazing taste of this fruit starts with flowers that are among the most beautiful examples of architecture in the plant world. They were painted by a baby angel who had not yet been taught what colors could or should be matched. The attached photo includes the three in bloom at my house today.
3 Comments
passion Jul 15, 2009 10:13 pm
284 Views

"Bocca baciate non perda ventura, anzi rinova come fa la luna" (The mouth that has been kissed loses not its freshness; still it renews itself even as does the moon).

I saw this painting at the Museum of Fine Arts last night and fell in lust with Fanny Cornforth, the lover of painter Dante Gabriel Rossetti. The words are a line from a sonnet by the fourteenth-century Italian writer Giovanni Boccaccio, found on the back of the canvas.

I saw Bocca Baciata after exiting from the MFA's main exhibit, "Titian, Tintoretto, Veronese: Rivals in Renaissance Venice." It is one of the finest collections of old masters assembled in the US.

Titian in particular knew exactly how to perfectly depict the skin of his nude women and goddesses (oh yeah, and men). There is a precision in his early work, layers and layers of paint that show the smallest of detail and bring the skin to life. He lays his women on perfectly painted white cloth, beds, or lustrous velour. The fabric tries to steal the scene but Titian's women are beautiful, whether they are idealized or real people. All three of the artists obviously love their women.

See this show if you can, before the paintings are returned to their home museums, but Bocca Baciata is part of the permanent collection and will remain at the MFA.
0 Comments
bold pussies, shy pussies Jul 10, 2009 7:47 pm
580 Views
Stereotypes are built from what we see and experience. I know that I indulge in stereotypes, not the least in the erotic world. I have been taken a lot lately by bold and shy, ahh, pussies.

The bold do not hesitate. They throw themselves at you, seeking pleasure for themselves. They are unafraid to give, pushing back at the best you have. They want stroking as both preliminary and final pleasure. They glory in it, rolling and writhing, exposed in the sun or a breeze, a bed or outside.

The shy hold back, uncertain how much can be risked. Can you trust your partner? What happens when you open yourself to pleasure? Can it happen again?

I have been enjoying two of late, siblings who live across the street, young and full of life. They are gorgeous, each in their own way. The older is the bolder. She is fun and vivacious but I have to fend off her advances at times. The younger I had to seduce but I have been able get her past my front door and on my couch. Awaking to either is a delight.

I am so glad that my neighbor got these two sweet young pussies and that they love me and my house. I even keep separate food dishes for them.
1 comment
Six Jul 9, 2009 12:50 pm
541 Views
Six ripe black figs wrapped with
six slices of prosciutto,
grilled for six minutes and
drunk with six ounces of coldcold crispcrisp pinot gris at
Six. Tonight. The rain clouds have parted and the sun shines.
Finally.
3 Comments
Forrest Gump, starring John Boehner Jul 2, 2009 9:07 am
501 Views
I was channel surfing on Sunday evening and came across the movie Forrest Gump, just as the eponymous character uttered the phrase "stupid is as stupid does." Earlier in the day I saw House Republican leader John Boehner tell George Stephanopoulos "the idea that carbon dioxide is a carcinogen that is harmful to our environment is almost comical." He was justifying the almost unanimous Republican abdication of responsibility in voting against landmark climate change legislation last week.

Is it really possible that the highest ranking elected Republican in the US is so stupid that he thinks the debate about limiting carbon dioxide emissions is about cancer? WTF?

We are bombarded daily with news about things that are inconsequential to our real lives. The sex lives of Sanford and Ensign are examples from the recent past. The media ignore the truly important issues because reporting on Boehner's stupidity is more difficult than reporting on Sanford's public meltdown. It requires correcting an intellectual error of massive proportions, made by an important political leader and, by extension, the other members of Congress who have chosen him as their leader.

I don't care who politicians sleep with. I do care when they get in bed with the industries that threaten life on earth.

My rant is over. We now return to your regularly scheduled programing.
0 Comments
boys don't cry Jun 29, 2009 9:29 pm
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All vertebrates have tear ducts so they can cry, cleansing their eyes. I have seen iguanas in the Galapagos Islands that cry *salt* from their eyes, to shed what their bodies don't want, cannot handle. Toxic tears. Men could learn a lesson about shedding tears.

We are the sex that doesn't cry. I have always fit in the middle of the pattern for my cohort: a second generation Italian-American who is emotive and laughs and loves in a big way but rarely cries in public view. You will not find me in a men's group.

The last year has pushed my limits. The loss of a parent, enormous work related stress and then new work in a war zone, they all have pushed my buttons. I now find myself crying at maudlin moments in movies and try to understand why it matters to me. It does not take either great scriptwriting or great acting to make the tears well up in my eyes. Of course I avert my gaze so others don't see.

Are the pains and cuts of life cumulative? Do they eventually reach a depth that they can get to our emotional core? But why isn't our core then left permanently open?

Not long ago I read "Self-Made Man" by Norah Vincent. She recounts a year in her life where she lived, 24/7, as a man in order to see life from my side of the street, joining among other things a men's bowling league, a men's group and a monastery. She checked herself into a mental hospital after the experience.

The chorus of the song "Boys Don't Cry," by The Cure, from 1979.
-----
I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
-----
2 Comments
breakfast Jun 26, 2009 6:51 am
678 Views

Throughout Italy there are variations of a savory, a ricotta pie with pine nuts. It is very tasty and I have made it on occasion. But I do not worship at the feet of the false god of tradition. Nor do I heed the words of my mother, who told me not to play with my food.

This week I have been breaking the morning fast with a decidedly non-Italian dish, a mango and strawberry ricotta pie loaded with small, sweet and fresh berries, the kind you can get in Boston only in June. Fortunately, I bought my berries before the latest onslaught of rain, which has damaged berries still in the field. The mango comes from canned Indian puree, and whose leftover puree informed a mango margarita earlier this week.

I ate the last of the pie with a tall iced coffee, sitting on my deck this morning, overlooking the Boston skyline on the first rain-free day in a week.

The picture was taken from my deck at sunrise on the winter solstice, almost exactly six months ago.
3 Comments
food for Her Highness' friends Jun 21, 2009 10:21 am
593 Views
In a previous post I indicated that the food served to the growing legion of friends and family of Her Highness was less than perfect, but it was not a disaster either. Sure, a salmon I smoked one night had a bit too much smokiness and salt and not all dishes came to the table at the times I would have liked, but a lot did go right, especially for her coming out party.

The empanadas, baked and with a low fat turkey picadillo filling, were mad popular, but that is because word spreads fast in a crowd of women when very tasty low fat food is served. On the other hand, the frittatas, one of sweet potato and one with Italian sausage, went fast also and they were loaded with calories.

The big hit was the tropical gazpacho. This one strayed far from its roots in Andalucia as a stale bread and vinegar soup. Mine was a four to one ratio of tomato juice and pineapple juice with large splashes of lime juice and tabasco sauce, loaded with sweet roasted corn, finely diced papaya and cilantro.

The sleeper of the party were the perfumed cashews, maybe because I forgot to serve them until half of the crowd left. The cashews are tossed with perfect Mexican vanilla extract, cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg in a light bath of olive oil and lime juice and then baked at 200 degrees for 20 minutes to dry them up for handling. The cashews are different every time I make them, probably because I never write anything down and don't use recipes, but this time it worked out especially well. Well enough that I am nibbling on them as I write this.
5 Comments

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