Blogs > ToBeofUse > Hunger
Hunger
 
We all know the feeling. You just want to kiss someone deeply, coup de foudre, a strike of lightning to the heart. Sometimes it happens to me. I don't act on it. But I do pause, think, and breath deeply. Kissing, done well, is magnificent.

My name, my handle, comes from the poem "To Be Of Use" by Marge Piercy:


The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.
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Sapphire eyes Apr 28, 2009 6:00 am
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Her sapphire eyes follow my lips, every word I speak
is magic to her
she is attentive to all I say
She need not speak as
her face shows all
I am funny and wise
a comic and a great orator

She stares intently into my eyes
smiling
laughing
blowing kisses when she is especially taken by me
One hand clutches my finger, not willing to let go
the other caresses my arm, drawing circles in the hair.

My grand-daughter will be the smartest,
the most beautiful woman on earth.
1 comment
Red Apr 21, 2009 11:22 am
470 Views
The world has many hazards, mostly small, but a few big ones too. I came in from the garden on Sunday and heard a string of bleak stories on the radio, too many involving blood.

As I listened to the radio I noticed my hands were pretty banged up with splinters, a little blood, barked knuckles and raw finger tips. A warm shower while listening to Pink Martini erased the rude news of the radio and the strains in my body.

On my sunny and private deck, a lovely albarino, one of my favorite Spanish white wines, soothed my parched throat. A small dish of cashews that I had lightly spiced with cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg and allspice were enough to satisfy my hunger pangs. My chapped finger tips, soothed with an ointment, were able to run the length of my brilliant red silk robe without snagging a thread.

A red silk robe is something that a man should give to himself, an indulgence. This one I bought in India almost ten years ago and it has hung in my closet, forgotten, until the color called me to it. Blood red.

It seems my next work assignment may be in a part of the Middle East where many people have lost their red, their blood. I won't bring my silk robe.
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spring, as it comes, with Easter Apr 14, 2009 9:21 pm
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Spring is the season of growth, of rebirth
Green rises from the ground
not flesh and blood but something more vital
Easter and Passover are my extended family, but the sensualist in me looks elsewhere

I want the people I like,
that I love, to be close
I feed them roasted lamb, potatoes, onions, rosemary and garlic
Wine flows like water
Red and white are luminescent in the sun
shimmering like tulips tussled by the wind

Step into my garden
Hyacinths bleed
honey into the air
Break a twig of spicebush. Inhale the exotic
Daffodils beam, forsythia glow

After the cold of winter, I feel the life of the earth
Today
1 comment
the full menu Apr 9, 2009 5:24 pm
513 Views
I have had a few private inquiries about the dinner I served last Saturday night, including whether I cooked the meal and the full menu. Of course I cooked it, darlings and since I like to tease people with food, here is what I served:

The main appetizer was baked empanadas with prosciutto, goat cheese and fig preserves. The second appetizer was mujadara, a coarse paste of ground almonds, pomegranate molasses, olive oil and ground dried chili peppers. Pomegranate molasses are the cooked must of pomegranate juice and can be bought in any good Middle Eastern store. It was served with a nice bread. The opening round of cocktails was a pomegranate molasses martini.

It was followed by a blood orange salad with a sherry and EVOO vinaigrette, light and simple. Blood oranges are only in season for a few months in the spring so get them now. I served this with a tiny glass of chilled manzanilla sherry.

The main course was chicken in vin cotto (cooked wine), pureed parsnips (sorry I wrote turnips a couple of days ago here) and roasted beets and fennel. The cooked wine is a liter of red wine with a half-cup of honey, a cinnamon stick and a few cloves. The wine is cooked over a low heat until it is reduced in volume to one cup, strained and cooled. The chicken is seared and then cooked in the now thickened wine with capers, olives, almonds and raisins. The pureed parsnips are sweet and nutty. The beets and fennel are coated with olive oil and roasted in the oven. The flavors were strong and stood up well to each other. Everything on the plate was either white or deep purple. It made for an unusual visual presentation. The wine for this course was a nice barolo.

The dessert was as described earlier: pomegranate chip ice cream (store bought), a thick and sweet coffee syrup I made and pieces of a very dark Mexican chocolate bar. The vin santo (holy wine) was better than I could have hoped.

Since we wanted to stay and talk, I dug out another round of Middles Eastern candied fruits and chocolate to nibble on while we sipped a killer tequila my friend brought over.

I liked cooking the meal almost as much as I enjoyed eating it. And I loved having leftovers.
6 Comments
two is twice as nice Apr 6, 2009 8:58 pm
462 Views

I really am a man of simple pleasures. Well, maybe not always but sometimes just the feel of sun on my back, fresh spring air on my face and my fingers in the dirt is enough for me.

I spent Sunday in the garden. It was glorious, so good To Be Of Use in making my small space a place that attracts the eyes of neighborhood walkers. I removed the leftover stalks from my meadow garden and in just a few hours exposed the paths and shrubs I have laid out over the past few years. Unopened daffodils, hidden by last year's tangle, emerged green and ready to pop.

Two spicebush swallowtail butterflies played tag with each other. I am particularly happy about the swallowtails as they are a vanishing native. Their larvae feed only on three plants, most notably the spicebush (lindera benzoin), two of which I bought and whose leaves bear the unhatched eggs over the winter. I vigilantly guard those fallen leaves from clumsy feet lest they crush a small cluster of butterfly eggs.

I planted the seeds of the California poppies (eschscholzia) that Miss Perky sold to me in NYC two weeks ago. Their scarlett/orange hue will either look sublime or like a horror show next to my purple siberian iris. It is at times like this that I want the calendar to rush forward so that I can experience the flagrant display of passionate colors, our ever decreasing days on earth be damned.

Days like this are rare. That I had two in the garden back-to-back, Saturday and Sunday, punctuated by dinner with my best friend is twice as nice.
3 Comments
in the garden, in the kitchen Apr 4, 2009 10:30 am
440 Views
Today was my first real day in the garden. It's time to clear out the debris from last year. In doing so, I came across a dozen tiny (I mean real tiny, like the size of a grain of rice) salamanders. Very cool! I also started planting the seed I bought in NYC. The Texas bluebonnets went into the ground and the rest will get planted tomorrow.

Now it is time to start cooking dinner: chicken in vin cotto (cooked wine), pureed turnips and a mix of roasted fennel and beets. I am soooo happy. And obviously I am easily amused.
2 Comments
the smallest things Mar 15, 2009 10:49 am
511 Views
I have just spent the past three days with my new grand-daughter. I haven't been in love like this in a long time. I only have one day left before I must return to my daily world, one thousand miles from her.

"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."
4 Comments
to dig Mar 10, 2009 4:00 pm
499 Views
I scraped snow from the back of my car this morning, waiting for AAA to give me a jump start. It was the third jump start of the week, this time just enough to drive to the dealership and get a new battery. It hardly feels like spring but my body clock is begging for a new season, when green springs from the earth.

I need a car to help with my gardening, so Toy usually starts moving earth at this time of year, bringing in loam and composted manure. She digs into the soil along the edge of my driveway, exposing Siberian iris for a burst of blue-purple in the spring.

My fingers ache to dig also, but the soil is too wet for a thinking gardener to start. My Toyota does not think, though, she just moves the earth.
1 comment
itchy Mar 8, 2009 9:11 am
441 Views
One week ago, the air was profoundly cold and snow was falling. This weekend, temperatures reached 60 degrees and the sun shone brightly across the land. My fingers tingle with the prospect of being able to go into my garden, to coax more life from the earth.

The first stage is a simple cleanup, sometime with brute force. I may rip out a whole row of forsythia and replace it with shrubs of more lasting interest, flowers and foliage, maybe even some fruit for the local critters. Then the finer cleaning begins, dancing around newly sprouting plants.

Today my hands will itch, lust sublimated. Objects of desire come in many forms. I am glad I am not motivated by acquiring bling for my house, but lust for new plants is an acceptable form of suburban pornography. Time to cut some forsythia branches for forcing indoors.
1 comment
I am not obsessed but... Chocolat, Pt 3 Mar 4, 2009 4:39 pm
459 Views
My return from a month in Mexico has caused no small amount of trauma, so I made a a lovely little chicken mole with pumpkin. No, not a chocolate mole, but an herbal and peppery one. There are at least a dozen moles from across the country that I know. The word "mole" is a contraction of the word "molcajete," the mortar and pestle that grinds all of the lovely little bits that go into a perfect sauce.

While prepping the sauce, I flipped on the tele and found my favorite movie, "Chocolat" running (see my earlier posts if you want some of the reason why I love this film). Two bites of food and two minutes of film and I had a teary moment.

Love, lust, joy, and jealousy;
Fear of the unknown, devotion and faith;
Guilt, death and hope;
They all weave together.

There are more emotions in two hours than I experience in two days or two weeks even. It makes me feel alive to watch Chocolat. Drink this movie like you would drink a sinfully rich hot chocolate or a deep desert wine. But as Dame Judi Dench warns her grandson,"Don't be sloppy. You will ruin a perfectly decadent evening."
0 Comments
snow Mar 3, 2009 7:57 am
506 Views
I have just returned from a lovely month in Mexico, mostly soft warm weather enveloping me. Now I am surrounded by ten inches of snow in the US northeast. I know the equation (New England+winter=snow), but have we not had enough this year? Sure it is pretty on the first day, but I need to play in the garden, SOON.

Or is it finally time for me to throw in the towel and spend the rest of my winters in a warmer climate?
0 Comments
"If It Be Your Will" Mar 2, 2009 11:25 am
442 Views
This brilliant Leonard Cohen song fills my head today:

If It Be Your Will

If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will
If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing

If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well

And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will

If it be your will.
2 Comments
Why do men... Feb 19, 2009 12:36 pm
436 Views
Why do men dress so badly so often? I am in Playa del Carmen, one hour south of Cancun, Mexico. It is a vacation playground with a fair number of people with money. At night, many of us stroll the main street. Women of all ages clean up after their beach visit and wear nice clothes. Many could model, in all age ranges. Yet many of them are accompanied by men who wear ratty shorts, backwards facing baseball caps, and (worse) t-shirts with really stupid stuff written on them.

A few I have seen on men who are walking with their female friends:
Sailing - It's a blowjob;
FBI - Female Body Inspector;
and the absolutely worst, a man with a fat belly stretching his shirt to bursting with the words "This is not a beer belly, it is a fuel tank for a sex machine."

I have some sense of what is wrong with men. What I don't understand is why women who are attractive and sound intelligent would be seen in public with these louts. Please do let me know if you have any insight into this phenomenon.
1 comment

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