To a friend  

TnCron 34M/33F  
12 posts
7/21/2005 9:23 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

To a friend


I send this off to a friend of mine who attempted suicide recently. Writing always helped me when I would get depressed so maybe my words can help others.

I live inside a blackened heart, a tiny ball of light. I never get to show what I am worth.
The demons all around me keep on telling me to leave, They say that I'm not welcome here. I wonder to myself just what could plague this tortured soul, What could fill his heart with so much pain. I try to ask the demons why they have to be so mean, But they just push my arms away and make me fall. I pick me up and brush me off and start again along my way. And as I leave I tell them thanks and they all move to let me pass, And then a name resonates inside ...HARRY... At the sound of that name, my home begins to jump and shake, the demons all fly or run away. I hear a voice inside my head say "You'd be better being dead," The words fill me up with so much doubt. I doubt myself, I doubt my life, I wonder if it's worth it to be light. I marvel at the power of this mental body snatcher, and wonder if he's right or am I wrong. To close myself, let no one in, these words play like a violin, let no one hurt me or make me feel pain. I try to shake the words away, the more he says the more I pray to make some sense of all these lies. But I cannot, and so I've fought for years to contain this monster in my mind. And finally I look away and see my light is turning gray, myself engulfed, corrupted by this voice.

I live inside a blackened heart, a tiny speck of gray, and slowly now I fade away to black...

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