Is Santa Clause a Woman?  

The_Wraith_1969 47M
203 posts
12/14/2005 1:45 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Is Santa Clause a Woman?

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they -- with amazing calm -- call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.
Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but I have heard it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men...

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.

Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

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demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
12/14/2005 2:35 am

hahaha i love this!!!! thanks for writing it


rm_android1960a 56M
428 posts
12/14/2005 3:53 am

Don't take this personally! But have you been popping cheap drugs or what? There is no way a women could pull all this of. Just no way. Now Mrs. Clause my help with all that sappy sentimental crap but HE definitely wears the pants in the family.


silkysmoothlegs3 105F

12/14/2005 4:14 am

pmsl @ your blogg
some very valid and good points there sexy
But....... you forgot
Santa is magic
Its all magic
and silly billy the elves pack the toys
not Santa
love silky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/14/2005 4:27 am

you are welcome


The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/14/2005 4:30 am

silkysmoothlegs3glad you found your way back to me silks! The elves pack the toys? I thought they were busy "packing" Mrs.Clause! I am so confused!


The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/14/2005 4:31 am

lonely: I know you are lonely, but PLEASE don't call me hon! ----><----don't work!


trashycowpoke 72M
4 posts
12/14/2005 6:04 am

Thinks if santa is a woman i need to be waiting when she cums down the chimney with a bottle of Patron and a good supply of rubbers

Trashy


digdug41 49M

12/14/2005 6:53 am

ROFL! GOOD POST WRAITH

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/14/2005 7:59 am

I'll be right there with you when she does!


The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/14/2005 8:00 am

digdug41thanks for sticking around! I wont let you down again!


rm_magnet4u22 49F
18406 posts
12/14/2005 9:09 am

Somebody finally realized!!!! Of course, Santa is a woman! Thanks for visiting my blog.



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oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/14/2005 11:31 am

I think your right no man could pull it off.


The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/14/2005 9:13 pm

magnet4u22...and a magnet you are indeed! I knew it, I bet you are Santa, aren't you?!


The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/14/2005 9:15 pm

oldman1776I know, I work in Logistics, and I know none of the guys(me included) could oragnize such an event! Only a woman can, but that is why we love them so much!


MaggiesWishes 60F

12/20/2005 2:22 am



Your weren't suppose to tell no one she's female, now there's another "glitch" in history we have to deny... LOL!

<~~ taking boots, placeing in soot and making bootprints on the floor, as her stiletto prints follow behind.


The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/20/2005 3:42 am

oooooooooohhhh Maggie, stilettos? *cough* While you are at it, you can walk all over me with those as well!


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