Christmas Party Warning!  

The_Wraith_1969 47M
203 posts
12/19/2005 10:42 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Christmas Party Warning!

Yes, it's that time of the year again, dear reader. The time when reckless young girls drop their panties under the mistletoe after a few too many Bacardi Breezers and dirty old men bid for them on eBay

Which is why US Secretary of State for Culture, Dina Habib Powell, has issued a stern warning to employers, urging them to make sure their female staff do not injure themselves at office parties by table dancing on desks or photocopying parts of their body. Mrs Powell, a stunning brunette of indeterminate age who is no stranger to sexual harassment from unscrupulous men wielding whips, implored managers not to put up mistletoe as it is known to incite sexual misconduct and binge drinking, before going on to alert women to the dangers of wearing microskirts and skimpy tops to the Christmas office party.
"If you must hold an office party do keep a close eye on those who drink," she warned ominously. "Lager makes some women lose their panties. The party will be completely soiled – I mean, spoiled – if it ends up in unwanted pregnancies or a nasty, itchy rash. I'm as full of the Christmas spirit as the next man, er, or woman," added Mrs Powell, clapping a Santa Claus hat onto her head with an embarrassed giggle. "But the office is not the place to let your hair down, or indeed, your panties."

Polls show that twelve out of ten US firms agree with Mrs. Powell and will not be holding knees-ups this year for fear of being sued by male staff claiming injury to their genitalia by women hitting back at sexual harassment. The cultured Culture Secretary's warning was greeted with huge sighs of relief by senior managers up and down the country, one of whom took time off from briefing his secretary on what to buy his mistress for Christmas, to talk to AdultFriendFinder. "It's no joke going to photocopy the annual report for the Chairman," he complained, "only to be confronted with a slimy snail trail. If you must photocopy your bottom please make sure you wipe down the glass to prevent the spread of thrush."

Single moms, already reeling from the strain of funding another credit-card busting shopping spree to provide their brats with the latest mobile phones and Harry Potter vibrating brooms, welcomed the Culture Secretary's announcement with equal enthusiasm. "Boys are even more disgusting at this time of year," one anonymous secretary told AdultFriendFinder indignantly. "Not only do we have to put up with them looking up our skirts when we're putting up the tinsel, but listen to endless, pathetic variations on 'do you like cream on your pudding?"
"Such as?" we asked.
"Did you know that tying a bird's legs together keeps the inside moist?"
"And does it?"
"Fuck off!" snapped the woman angrily.
"Well, we were only asking.." we replied.

A female spokestypeperson from Mrs Powell's department made it clear to us that if firms wish to avoid calling in the emergency services this year, they should ban dangerous items such as advent candles, holly, Christmas cookies, mistletoe and novelty paper hats from office parties.
"Paper hats?" we asked. "What risk do they pose?"
"A carelessly worn novelty hat can easily slip down over one eye, causing the wearer to fall and impale themselves on a sprig of mistletoe or even holly."
"And candles?"
The woman blushed to the tips of her pretty blond hair and muttered: "I'd rather not say..."

The Ministry have thoughtfully prepared a list of Yuletide innuendoes for employers which it deems 'highly offensive' and recommends that staff caught using them should be severely disciplined – or possibly lightly spanked, trousers down, with a generous sprig of holly.
'Anyone want stuffing?'
'Do you prefer breast or leg?
'Would you like me to light your pudding?'
'Have you seen the size of my Yule Log?'
'Can I fill your stocking, darling?'
'I bet you'd like to pull my cracker?'
'Does Santa slide down your chimney or does he use your back door?'

AdultFriendFinder applauds Dina Powell's responsible stance and has already instigated her sensible safety precautions in our offices, a decisive move which was greeted with almost unanimous approval by our staff.
"Damn good job, too!" commented tillerbabetillerbabe, (38-27-36) peevishly. "It took me over two hours to repair the photocopier last year after that slut Jennifer ran off two hundred copies of her droopy minge for her pervy European friends to drool over. I'm not going to spend this Christmas picking bits of glass out of painful places, I can tell you!"

Outspoken US columnist, saintliannasaintlianna, agreed. "If she must show off her ugly pussy why the hell doesn't she just photograph it with her cellphone like the rest of the danged sluts in the office?"
Their opinions were echoed by DTduzDallasDtduzDallas : "Christmas office parties are simply old hat, darling."
"Do you have any advice for those who can't resist the festive spirit?" we asked the thirty-nine year old 'personal services' consultant.
"Drinkees and work don't mix," she gushed, as she knocked back her fifth Bacardi Breezer when we interviewed her during her lunch break at the Cockwell Inn.

Sadly, there is always one joker in every office who is determined to cock a snook at authority and risk life and limb in the reckless pursuit of Yuletide jollies. At AdultFriendFinder that man is charleslamb4077charleslamb4077. "Would you like to gobble my nuts?" he asked us with a lopsided leer as we removed the last of the mistletoe from the executive washroom.
"Er, no thanks," we replied. "They may have been in contact with the photocopier."

©If ANYONE takes anything in this post seriously, you have been drinking WAY too much caffeine!

saddletrampsk 54F

12/19/2005 11:31 pm

Great post..Merry Christmas sweety..

digdug41 49M

12/19/2005 11:35 pm

hey there I see yer a little hot under the collar there thats too bad you need to concentrate your efforts on the real world and not in the matrix see I can function in both with out having to come art people sideways but hey I will be the bigger man on this one you have a merry christmas and oh btw when I see lianna I'll make sure I give her a nice a slow lingering kiss for ya and she'll go E who?

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/19/2005 11:46 pm

Valdrane: Yep I know I am, but that is something I openly and proudly admit.

saddle: Thanks saddle, you too!

dig:Why in the world do you think you have to take it personally? Aren't we all over this shit already? BTW, you go ahead and give her anything you want. I'm not missing out on anything there. She's a good woman so you guys make a good couple. Merry Christmas to you, your wife and kids and all your friends.

charleslamb4077 37M
90 posts
12/19/2005 11:58 pm

Being A Dj I go to may office parties every year and not once has a woman dropped her panties. Damn bible belt!

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/20/2005 2:14 am

Valdrane78So, what's your point?

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/20/2005 2:15 am

saddletrampskThanks darling! Right back at you!

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/20/2005 2:16 am

digdug41What ever are you talking about?

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/20/2005 2:17 am

charleslamb4077I hear you there bro!

tillerbabe 56F

12/20/2005 6:10 pm

I have to "pick out" pussy glass?!?!?
{BTW..its' 38-27-36)

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/20/2005 9:21 pm

SensuallyKateyYeah right, I know. Sure you can use it.

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/20/2005 9:22 pm

tillerbabe Thanks for the measurements! I have been wondering the whole time

MaggiesWishes 60F

12/21/2005 2:20 am

ok, Am I one of the few laughing here?

<==== putting Wraith on her "naughty but oh so nice list"

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/21/2005 4:14 am

MaggiesWishesI guess so Maggs! Glad to see you smile! BTW, that pic is the BOMB! Is the drool apparent?

Synn74 42F
1206 posts
12/21/2005 8:03 am

I love you Wraith your blog gives me reasons to be thankful for friends like you..bth the new pic is Hot!!!! where's my signed copy in the mail???

I welcome you to the House of Syn...

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/21/2005 8:15 am

Become a member to create a blog