Previously in my Blog....  

The_Late_Nighter 35M
1 posts
4/30/2005 3:13 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Previously in my Blog....


Or "All work and no play make Homer something something..."

Of course, lack of sleep can be credited for the innane rambling in my first entry, and not to much work. After all, my work week is barely getting started. Not that it really matters at this point. What's done is done, and unless I delete said ramblings or go in and edit it into a more coherent entry that's going to be there until.....well....it's purged I guess.

But what did I come here for today? Other than to post here in this blasted thing again? Probably nothing, as always. I most likely came online seeking a completely unrelated subject matter and fell before another case of late night ADD, which in turn saw fit to drag me down a path of half viewed websites, messageboards, and televison shows. And to think, most of the time I actually enjoy the experience of living a life with a mind that travels in a vast multitude of directions at once. That is of course, until it comes time to sleep or "surf the net".

Online isn't so bad in comparison.

I can have the teley on or the radio or some other external media source to occupy my mind (or some part thereof) enough to allow me to function with some semblance of effcientcy. Trying to sleep however, when everything is off and the room is as dark as I can make it, my brain seems to want to see just how far it can stretch the senses. Making me hear things out my window and down the street. Do I really need to catch every other word of some conversation 5 doors down whislt my memory suddenly recalls every film I've ever seen an actor in? An actor who's name it's sacrificed in exchange for his body of work?

I truely hate me sometimes.

Which is odd, considering how in love with myself I am. I always thought I'd be one of those people who grew up to hate others. Not some sort of self loathing delusional insomniac with the attention span of a ham sandwich. Of course, I'm not self loathing, delusional, or that weak minded.....but the possibility persists that I might someday become that. Save for the insomnia of course.

I'm to cool to have insomnia.

Hmmmm. I wager I'm about halfway through this entry and I see I chose "confused" as my current mood. Fitting in hindsight given I picked it out before I even started writing. Err....typing. But now I want to set my current mood as "purple". But alas....purple does not seem to be on the list. Perhaps I should contact the Administrative saff and have them add it. But first, I should go off and do that thing I came online to do since I now remember what it is I came online to do.

Ah well....that didn't pan out. Guess I'll try again next week.

Now where was I? Metaphoricly speaking of course. Asking that question literally would be asinine. How could you know? Why would you know? Why would you even want to know? And who am I talking too? Doesn't matter now. I just remembered something else. Well, partially at any rate. Something about something someone had said once. Oh yes. Now I remember.

"Food is not sex. Say it with me. Food is not sex."

I found that quite amusing earlier and had intended to make it a part of this entry. Then again, the quote and reference would be all but lost on well over 99% of people on this site, let alone anyone reading this, but I still found it funny. Keep in mind however that as I bring that quote to mind, I also bring to mind the image of the man saying it, and the look on the gentleman's face to whom he was speaking. The gentleman tried to say it with him, he really did.

But I guess it was quite difficult with that gun in his mouth.

Though I suppose most things would be quite difficult to do with a gun in your mouth. Eating soup for example. I would image that it could be done, but not easily. Why I imagine a man eating soup with a gun in his motuh is unknown even to me, but then again I haven't understood most of the thoughts running through my head in years.

Ahh to be young and senile again.

It's times like these that I really wish I could write or draw or juggle or some such thing. Any such thing really, so long as it created an outlet for some of this dribble. Occupying the wandering remnants of my intellect works well enough most of the time, but every once in a while I just need a release. A sort of soft reset for my mental hard drive, as opposed to the complete reboots I seem to force upon myself once a week.

Maybe that's why my memory is so jumbled.

Or maybe it's because subconsciously I'm trying to destroy myself. Or at the very least parts of myself. (Sidenote: Earlier I said something about being halfway through this current entry. It appears as though I was wrong.) Consciously I've developed all of these shallow aversions for certain ways of living, while at the same time partaking in a few of these ways myself. Perhaps in my restful hours parts of my mind are trying to kicks the ass of the other parts of my mind that "go against the grain" as it were.

I always knew I'd be the death of me.

But my dreams show no signs of this. At least none that I can see. I'm never unsure or conflicted in the dreamscape. No second guessing or afterthoughts. I seem to retain all the faculties of my waking mind (well....most at any rate) while operating at a much more....shall we say base?;....level. While it would be fun to sit here and try to self analyize my dreams, I fear I don't know enough about the symbolism dreams convey and how they mirror the waking life.

But how much symbolism can a dream about tearing into things with your teeth really have?

Then again I'm not even sure "things" is the proper word. Rabbits, deer, and people certainly are things in one sense of the word, but certainly not another. And really....dreams that involve me tearing into people with my teeth are so few and far between that the details are fuzzy at best. (After a moment's thought I realize I've strayed off topic.) But that's not what I came here to post about.

At least, I don't believe so.

No it isn't. It certainly isn't. I came here today to make some sort of food/sex joke and further the assertion that I'm not longer using this site merely to find someone with which to have sex, but rather just someone. As in, someone outside my current group of friends with whom I can talk and bounce ideas off of. My current associates are quickly approaching the same level as my best friend when it comes to our conversations, which is entirely a bad thing as he's nearly at the point where he beleives every other sentance out of my mouth is a crime against humanity.

As if I would limit myself to every other sentance.

Being fairly young it's no stretch of semantics to say I've know this guy half my life or more, and yet he still seems to periodically forget who's he's talking to. He'll say things that leave me no choice but to tear into him and then acts surprised when I do. What's that all about? To this day he insists that I'm a racist, no matter how many times I inform him that I hate everyone equally and don't have time to pick and choose based on color. Besides, it's not like I still make fun of his half-breed children.

Ok. I do. But only out of love.....

Bah. Enough of this nonsense. I need to close out this entry soon lest I get swept even further away in the sound of my own voice. Granted, the sound of my voice is in my head and what I'm really hearing is the tapping of the keys as I type word after word of this hogwash, but the principle behind the sentiment stands. I fell asleep yesterday to the sounds of birds chirping and to the soft light of the sun creeping in my window. And now thinking back upon it I realize.....I want eggs. Why are you still reading this? Can't you see you're only encouraging me?

Get some sleep.

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