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It's not so bad tonight....
It's not so bad tonight....
Or "How I learned to Love the Hulk".
Tonight, or this morning depending on how you want to look at it, doesn't seem so bad. My mind isn't as jumbled and fractured as it usually is and I seem to be able to more or less hold a stream of coherent thought for more than a few moments time. It's quite nice. The workplace was nice and quiet, providing what is commonly called "easy money", and overall today has just been....enjoyable.
I guess the only thing I can really comment on is my cell phone dying on me near the end of the night. Had a friend who was trying to call me and as soon as I answer the phone saw fit to up and keel over. Can't really be mad however as it is my fault that the battery wasn't charged. Absentmindedness will do that to a fella. Finally got my VCR running properly so I was able to tape a show I feared I would miss, bought a trade paperback collecting a few issues of The Ultimates from Borders on an impulse and was quite satisfied with the purchase, and made it home from work in a reasonable amount of time.
Tonight was a good night.
True, I'm still sitting here at a little past five in the morning, typing away into this blog, but unlike before it's not some sort of experimental effort to soothe a weary psyche. Instead it's more of a afterthought. Something to do before I sign off for the night and turn in. Hell, even my sub-title makes sense this time, as reading The Ultimates did give me a new appreciation for The Hulk as a character. If only every night could proceed as well as this one. Avoiding a daily descent into madness would be a welcome change of pace for me.
Perhaps it's the dreams.
I have, after all, been dreaming a bit more as of late. Not only have the dreams become more frequent in the short time since I've started this blog, but they've also become a bit more....vivid. In the first, I was chasing a guy who I believed was screwing around with my girlfriend behind my back. The backdrop for the pursuit was disjointed to say the least, going from the interior of an apartment to a warehouse to a freeway to a subway station and more in the span of a few moments, but the purpose of the dream was never lost. I was chasing this guy and when I got my hands on him I was going to tear him limb from limb.
The second involved me and a few armed robbers in a small store of some sort. I can't quite remember what words were exchanged, but I do remember that most of the cast of Seinfeld was there, that I got shot in the wrist, and that by the end of the dream I'd killed everyone in the store save for Julia Dreyfus.
And it felt damn good.
The chase ended with me more or less giving up and thus waking without any sort of closure. Possibly the reason I remained stressed and disjointed yesterday. The store episode ended after I was finished, and I awoke and operated today quite well. Odd really, considering I consider myself the non-violent type when I'm awake, but feel the most free, content, and complete when I'm engaging in all sorts of unspeakable violence in the dreamscape. One side of me strives for peace, while another blooms in hostility. Like Bruce Banner and The Hulk.
Your modern day Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
I'm going to choose "calm" as my current mood, because that's what I am for once. Calm. In mind and body. I wonder if that's how Dr. Jekyll felt, just before drinking his serum, knowing what it would do to him. What would happen. When a Man fears he has a Monster inside him, does he silently resign to this fact and accept it calmly? Or does he fear and fret over what might happen if said monster ever got out? Or does he Want the Monster to be set loose? Perhaps I'll pick up a copy of Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde before work tomorrow and find out. In the meanwhile however I know what I must do.
Get some sleep.