Playing Away From Home ...  

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
3484 posts
9/5/2005 5:14 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Playing Away From Home ...

I got a bit of a surprise last night.

I was about to log out of chat and remarked that my cold, empty bed was beckoning to me. Among the various responses was one from a guy I've chatted to over a period of months which took my breath away, dear reader: "Where's Mrs Q then?".

Now there's no reason why he should have checked out my profile and would know that I am, indeed, single (or divorced if you want to make the distinction) but it surprised me to think that, almost by default, I was expected to be married. Is it something about me, about the impression I give online? Or does it simply reflect the fact that a large number of men on this site are married?

For, indeed, many are. I don't know if anyone's ever published statistics to show what proportion of men here are married but, certainly, watching the chat rooms and reading through the magazine is enough to convince me that there are a lot of married men that are looking for something extra - and a fair number of women too.

And I find that sad.

Oh, I know that some of the married people here play together and another chunk play with their partner's permission. That leaves a large number of people who are, to use a rather loaded word, cheating.

But that's not what I find sad. Believe me, I'm not the sort of person to try to sit in moral judgement. As far as I'm concerned, people have the right to choose their own morality as long as they're prepared to take responsibility for the consequences without the likes of me, as fallible as any other human being, telling them they're wrong. In fact, I can assure you that if you try to decide my personal opinion on this issue from what I'm writing now, you'll probably be wrong.

But every married person who is secretly having a bit of the extra-marital represents a marriage with troubles, a relationship where at least one partner is left unhappy, unfulfilled - just not unhappy or unfulfilled enough to end the relationship.

And that's a good thing: most if not all long-term relationships have their difficult times and often these are nothing more than blips, phases in the adaptation of the relationship to the way that we all, as individuals, change. Many of these relationships will go on to not only survive but positively thrive and I, for one, am certainly not going to suggest that we should throw away our marriages at the first hint of difficulty.

But right now, during these blips and phases of adjustment, there is uncertainty, unhappiness, dissatisfaction ... maybe even outright pain. And if the partner finds out about the extra-marital activities, things can get much, much worse.

And that I do find sad.


freetime648 52F

9/5/2005 8:17 am

I do also with my friends from my one post....the need for communication is in order I do believe but then yet, you have some spouses (both men and women) who find it a "thrill" to cheat or decieve their signifigant other. But, like it was stated to each their own and if it does not affect me personally, I am not one to judge what another does!!! But, sad!!!!

xx FREETIME648 xx

AlbertPrince 58M

9/5/2005 9:06 am

Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder and lightning.

rm_dizzyandfun 48F
752 posts
9/5/2005 9:46 am

Agreed, Free. Sometimes, if it it is close too home, its a little more difficult not to "judge". Thrill seeking has got to be the most selfish of cheating acts - for the partner to find out must be supremely devastating. And you cant take it back: sorry doesnt quite cut it. For others to cheat - maybe it s not quite so simple. It must take quite something, a lot of unhappiness, to find solace with someone besides your partner. that not self-perpetuating?? Solace...guilt..solace..guilt...ouch.
Diz xx

brightblonde3 58F

9/5/2005 2:17 pm

To me it's interesting how many people shudder at the thought of "open relationships" yet don't seem to be worried about infidelity. Whether or not an open relationship is for a particular couple is up to them to decide (BB3 has a jealous streak herself but nothing too horrendous to contemplate); but as long as there's honesty and communication, no problem. Infidelity by nature relies on dishonesty and secrecy...not for ma'am here. BB3

helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
9/5/2005 3:13 pm

*Helga is lucky enough to be in an open relationship... but it could all fall down if I kept any secrets*


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
9/10/2005 7:13 am

Mr. Q... I couldn't agree more. Sadness is the emotion that comes to mind the most when considering this. Several of us came to the same conclusion in a series of posts last week. If interested, check these: [post 81072]; [post 81844]; [post 82720]; and Busted!.

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
9/10/2005 11:29 am

Rockwriter ... Very pleased to meet you, sir (though your reputation has already reached my ears!). Seems like this was a hot topic before I touched upon it ... and, as you say, one that does seem to provoke sadness generally. Maybe I'm not so abnormal after all.

And I've certainly found a new blog to watch!

rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
9/13/2005 11:15 pm

Q...thanks for the high praise... I had no idea... but I have to say... the way you are zooming up the charts... you are the one with the great reputation.

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