How Much Love?  

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
3484 posts
10/9/2005 10:32 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

How Much Love?

I have to ask: do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?

Okay, that's badly phrased, dear reader: clearly it's possible to love your children and a partner at the same time but the love you feel for children is (or certainly should be) different than that you feel for a partner.

What I'm asking is whether you think it's possible to love more than one person in the way, perhaps, that makes you say "I love you" in bed to another?

Oh, there may be less urgency with each at different times, especially when one is new. That I have to concede right up front. There might be subtle differences in how you react to each. The intensity may ebb and flow. But apart from that ...

The author Robert Heinlein certainly seemed to think so according to one of the standard themes in his later works. He frequently described alternative family structures where not only were there multiple adults but also flexible partnering sexually.

Clearly his fiction was describing arrangements where people were free to love more than one person at a time but does that mean that he was talking about a superficial kind of love rather than what we might call "real love"? Yet he also wrote that love is caring more about the welfare of another than of oneself. He seemed to understand that enough. But was that just fiction?

Philosophers, certainly some new-age writers but not them alone, have often said that love is infinite, that you don't share a limited amount of love between those you love but simply find more love in your heart. Yet I've often remarked upon the lack of passion in many such writings, on an apparent emphasis upon a kind of intellectual, generalised love rather than the kind that makes your heart pound faster.

Certainly society's norms dictate that one can be allowed to love only one person at a time. What society dictates is permissible behaviour, though, is all too often dictating how reality should be rather than reflecting what it is. In this case the prohibition could be nothing more than a reflection of the fears and insecurities that make people possessive and jealous.

So what do you think: if we'd like to pin the label "love" on the feelings we have for someone, does that mean we have to take that label off the previous beloved and reuse it ... or do we just write out a new, additional label?


MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
10/10/2005 3:47 am

Yes, it actually is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. It really screws you up mentally when it happens. Unless of course, the people in question are up for polyamory. But don't bet on it.

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
10/10/2005 5:18 am

just write out a new label


helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
10/10/2005 12:57 pm

I'd like to think that it's possible to love more than one person at a time... but then I'm not someone who lets go of their feelings easily So, I may have feelings for someone, but I'll never let them see it. It's my way of dealing with things.


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

sweetalyssum 47F

10/10/2005 9:48 pm

What a very interesting way to put it Quietly..."write out a new additional label". I think I shall always remember that metaphor when discussing this topic in the future.

I happen to believe that loving more than one person at a time is entirely possible and you love them for some of the same reasons or for completely different ones.

Synn74 42F
1206 posts
10/10/2005 9:56 pm

I am in this situation currently one being my husband and the other
a man who I believe is a soulmate.. I love them both differently yet the love I have for them is strong and intense and like MissAnn stated it can mess with you mentally.. but for now I'mcontent inwhere my situation lies..

I welcome you to the House of Syn...

brightblonde3 58F

10/11/2005 9:01 am

It's possible to be in romantic or passionate love with more than one person at the same time.

But genuinely loving someone...without judgment or conditions, ideally...or too many judgments or conditions, shall we say?...takes longer and can be a much more arduous task.

I shall always love my most current ex...he's planning to visit here at month's end (tentatively). Whether or not it's still an "in love" situation is another matter. While we realize we won't be disappearing from each other's lives, how involved we will remain is still being decided.

Sigh, just sigh. All too complex to dissect and understand, isn't it?


rm_dizzyandfun 48F
752 posts
10/11/2005 12:46 pm

Mad passionate "in love" with more than one person at a time? I dont think so. Mad passionate love is all consuming and doesntleave room for anything else. Loving someone and being in love are totally different. Not that I ve been madly passionately heartstopping IN LOVE with more than one at any given stage..but knowing myself amd my own emotions I cant imagine it.

diz xx

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
10/12/2005 10:49 am

Thanks for all your views ... I'm learning ...

Sallypus ... You're right, of course: as I said originally, jealousy and possessiveness have a tendency to raise their heads. Am I allowed to ask what your "trade" is?

Dizzy ... Please notice that I didn't say "mad passionate" myself. I think that's what I was saying about "there may be less urgency with each at different times". Don't you think that the mad, passionate all-consuming phase passes eventually anyway? Or is that just that we don't try to keep it alive?

BB3 ... Oh, I understand that, ma'am. I hope you manage to find some level of involvement that you can both be happy with; in my humble opinion there is little so potentially destructive than unbalanced, unequal emotions.

Synn ... As long as you're content (and, I guess, no one else is being hurt) that's the main thing.

Helga ... I can understand that too (((hugs))).

brightblonde3 58F

10/12/2005 3:59 pm

Q, that mad, passionate phase is called, technically, "limerance." When we've moved past the limerance phase, the pundits say, only then can be begin to recognize true love.

But that limerance phase is sweeettttttttttttttttt.


darkdreamsofu 52F

10/13/2005 10:35 am

Q, I have love for many people in my life. But, the "in love" type, there have only been two times this has occured, and not simultaneously. For when I give my heart, I give myself completely. That is being "in love", for me. Others may be different. I would question, though, the true depth of the love for each person.

rm_EE407 41F
3903 posts
10/13/2005 12:57 pm

I suppose that would depend on the definition one gives to love...

hotandhorny107 58F

10/13/2005 11:48 pm

I have loved more than one person at a time but only been in love once. It was mad passionate and all consuming. Unfortunately he decided to leave and left me devasted..

passionateforit 46M

10/20/2005 3:06 pm

I think that a person just makes you gasp when you meet her unexpectedly again, you feel the blood rushing in your head and all that, can only happen with one person. Never with two... yet I think after a while it can be the other person, and then backwards... Yes, it clearly is possible to love more than one person at the same time. And it is of course possible to desire more than one at the same time, but this of course is something else. To be in love with more than one at the same time...? I donĀ“t know... But I could imagine it is possible.

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