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A new beginning?
A new beginning?
I am no psychiatrist, psychologist or counselor, but I do have an understanding of the way the human mind can work as a result of 22 years in the Emergency Management and Public Safety field. And today..........
Got up this morning and while reading the paper turned to the entertainment section to read Footrot Flats and Garfield (highlight of my mornings). Right underneath were the horoscopes and I couldn't resist a peek. Mars moves into my sign today, positively for the first time in many years, and my life is gonna improve, especially after the troubles of the last 7 months.
Now I don't know if you believe is astrology etc, but it is something that has given me both terror and comfort in my life. 25 years ago I was living and working with my brother, and our father was also living with us. I hadn't sent much time with my father for many years, and found that he was into seances, using a Ouija board. I was skeptical until the evening he set it up. 28 cards in a circle, a candle in the center and a glass. He put his finger on the glass, "called the spirits" and started asking questions. The glass moved around the cards spelling out the answers. (the remaining 2 cards were "yes' and "no"). after a while my father told me the spirits wanted to speak to me and directed me to put my right forefinger on the glass. I did so and the glass began to move around the cards, spelling out words! This really freaked me out, especially when the glass shot across the table and fell to the floor. I vowed never to have anything to do with the supernatural again, and to this day stay away from Ouija boards.
There have been times though, when I have looked at horoscopes and even attended spiritual consultations. These times have been when I have had a lot of stress in my live (divorce etc) and the outcomes have always given me hope for the future, hope which has sustained me until things have, eventually improved.
All this came back to me today, ( my mind working in strange ways) while I was reading my horoscope, and I thought back over the last 12 months of my life, relating what I was reading with what I have been through.
My life has been up and down for more than 7 months, ever since Easter Saturday 2005 when I was assaulted by a drunk while at work. My nose and cheekbone were broken, and I Had bleeding into my left eye for more than a month. I tried going back to work after 10 days, but collapsed on the third day back. Another month off then a month of light work only, (answering phones etc) before I started work full time again in June.
That month I was determined to loose the weight I Had put on and regain the fitness I Had lost while incapacitated. As usual I tried too ah rd and ended up tearing a ligament in my ankle. Another 2 weeks off work and even more time unable to do any exercise other than light short walks. (Pass me my bigger clothes please).
July, 7 months ago, I felt things were coming right. I was back at work, light jogging helping get rid of the spare tire, and I finally got a place on my promotion qualifying course after waiting more than 2 years. Two weeks learning of leadership and people management. It was a blast, until I stepped up my exercise program again and injured my wrist doing push ups.
In late August I went into hospital to have my nose reset and the cartilage cleaned up. It was supposed to be a routine procedure, but 5 days alter I was back in hospital with uncontrolled bleeding. I finally went back to work 2 weeks later, and the first shift it all went wrong. I was in pain, couldn't concentrate, and while I handled the work competently, ( no complaints from my staff) my new boss felt that I was struggling and needed more time off, so he sent me home for 2 more weeks. He appeared reluctant to have me come back to work and I couldn't figure out why. When I did return he pulled me aside and said he felt I still had some "issues"" over the assault, and that he felt less than confident in my ability to make management decisions. For the next few months it seemed like every week he would pull me aside to tell me I had done something wrong. The fact was that he was the only one who thought so. My staff were happy and working hard. Other supervisors spoke to me and did not express any misgivings, (in fact they all had various issues themselves with our common supervisor) but gradually things took their toll. I was an emotional wreck those days when I knew he was going to be around ( he's a day shift Mon - Fri wally while the rest of us work all hours of the day and night). It got to the point where event he smallest decision would see me agonising over what criticism it would bring.
Finally, in mid December, I blew my fuse after one late evening telephone call about a very minor matter I was handling. The upshot was that the next day my boss told me I should look for another position, as I was not functioning at all where I was.
The Area manager was called in along with the regional head of the HR dept. We all sat down ( I was ill with a throat infection at the time, a sign of stress?) and hammered out and arrangement. I would go back to light work, but out of the front office, admin duties mostly, and arrangements would be made for me to work part time in another location with another supervisor mentoring me. The aim was to get my confidence back again so I could return to full duties. But two weeks later my boss called me in for performance appraisal update, and made it clear he was going to insist on my going elsewhere.
After Christmas while my supervisor was away, I spoke privately with the area manager. His understanding of the process was that I was to return to full supervisory duties locally. I told him what my boss had indicated, and a few days later was speaking to the regional HR manager. He too told me that the plan was for me to return to work in my current position, not to be forced to move elsewhere.
For the last 5 weeks my boss has been away more than he has been at work, (Family trouble the rumor mill has it. I have been working day shifts getting to spend weekends and nights at home (mixed blessings, the love life hasn't picked up at all on that front, reason I'm here in the first place, and I'm missing the extra hours sleep before late shifts each week), but I'm definitely feeling a lot better within myself, and I'm sneaking in enough supervisory work to show I haven't lost my touch.
So, how do I feel about todays horoscope? Well, yesterday I received details of implementation of my mentoring program. It starts on the 27th for a week. I've then got three weeks holiday ( gotta get rid of all my Statutory Holiday leau days and shift workers leave), then back into the mentoring. It's gonna be a lot of fun working in a different environment with new people.
Oh, and I have made contact with someone here which looks promising. We haven't met in person yet but during that holiday I'm taking I'll be visiting her town, so fingers crossed.