Swingers Shouldn't Misrepresent Themselves!  

TheHungriestWolf 37M
61 posts
8/22/2006 8:45 pm

Last Read:
9/1/2006 12:24 am

Swingers Shouldn't Misrepresent Themselves!

I had an interesting situation this weekend.

I met a couple from AdultFriendFinder. I was very excited to meet them because of all the great conversations I had had with the female of the couple. From what I could gather, they were a very happy and secure couple that was having fun exploring their sexuality. The seemed to have a lot of respect for what I had written here and to them. The premise was a straight male and bi-curious female, the male was an experienced swinger and the female was looking for her first experience.

So, they called me up on Saturday to come and get some drinks with them. So, I did.

We met at a bar in Brooklyn and began our evening. Conversation was very lively and I was feeling good about things. I did start to notice some strange occurences. One, the boyfriend kept pushing me to drink fast and heavy. Two, she seemed to have some issues with his approach to swinging. Three, she told me they were actually broken up and were now just fuck buddies, but she is in love with him. Totally strange!

But one thing was clear, she wanted my dick and he was excited that she was into it.

So, she said, "Is this going to happen?". "Of course" I said, because she had a sweet body and great BJ lips So we left the bar and headed to his apartment.

This is where things start going down a strange path. First, while walking he tells her to stop and make out with me. This isn't that big a deal, except that she was not really at that point yet and it was very demonstrative. I tried to make her feel comfortable and tell her that she didn't have to rush anything. But she was drunk enough to shrug off her reluctancy and lay it on me. He was like "Oh, that is hot!"... Ok, not that big a deal, but a flag went up.

We got back to the apartment and he threw on some porn. She said he needed that. No biggy. We fixed some drinks and then he commanded her to suck my dick. OK, can't argue, but maybe we should build up to this? Oh well, she went down and scraped me with her teeth until she got used to the thickness. I am pretty proud of my penis!

He told her it would be better if she took of her clothes, so she stipped down. Ok, now she is naked and my dick is out and hard. He gets naked and gets behind her and starts fucking her from behind while she is sucking me.

After she really got hot he tells her to sit on my dick. I am particularly concerned with safe sex, so I was a little shocked that neither of them really cared much about that as she went for it. So we had our first moment of awkwardness as I dealt with that. So, I get armed and she hops on and she was wonderfully tight. So she is riding me and he is behind her watching. All of a sudden I feel his hand massaging my balls.

So, now i was getting it. I pulled out and tried not to make this a drastic thing. Perhaps he was drunk or just had the wrong idea. I was having fun with her, and didn't want to give up on the night because I am a man and I was intoxicated, say no more.

So, I told them to go at it a little bit while I took off the rest of my clothes. So I got up and he jumped on top of her naked and started fucking her missionary. She called me over to suck on my dick while he was on top of her. I walked over and put it deep into her mouth. That was a joy and she was definitely having a blast!

Well, here we go, he starts kissing her neck and then her lips and then sure enough slips my dick out of her mouth and into his. I pull out and he goes for it again, so I pull out comletely and show my frustration. Everyone breaks up becuase she has to go to the bathroom.

While she is gone he apologizes and asks me if i am mad. I told him that that just isn't my preference. No problem if it is his, but I had been clear and upfront in my profile that I am straight. He apologized.

She came back in and asked if everything was ok, he said it was and I nodded. She went for me again and I tried to block it all out of my head and enjoy this beauty. I started from behind and everything was great. She told me that she was on birth control, and so I didn't have to use a condom if I didn't want to. I told them I prefer to use one. Then she asked me to fuck her in the ass. And he moaned, "Yeah, fuck her in the ass!"

I found myself in a totally whack altered state. What was going on here? So far, he lied about being straight, they lied about being in a great relationship, his seeming interest in how I thought and felt had gone out the window as I became an object in his fantasy.

This wasn't about her, or me or us... It was about him. She was bait, I was a dick he could try to suck. It was so gross to me!

I excused myself to the bathroom and scurried off to get dressed. I came back in the bedroom to say goodbye. Naturally, they were upset and confused and disappointed. She clung to me as I tried to leave. He gave me a look of understanding and a bit of a smirk.

I got outside and just started spitting. I just wanted to clean my mouth out with bleach!

I don't have a problem with bi, bi-curious or gay men. I have plenty of gay friends. I don't even care if I am in the same sexual situation as a bi or gay man, as long as the boundaries are respected. This guy put straight on their profile, he never let on that he had any interest in doing anything with me, I was very straight in every thing I said or did, and he pretended to have a very generous and sensitive approach our whole encounter. But it was all lies! He was bi and didn't have even an ounce of respect for my preference. He didn't even ask, he just tried to get me drunk and hope he could slip a quick BJ past me! How horrible!

All you swingers out there, tell the fucking truth! Under all circumstance! That is what this is all about! Being who we are with people who appreciate and accept you for who we are! Fuck this guy and his selfish, pathetic attempts to use people without any respect for the sensitivities of their sexual preference. If I was a weaker person I could have been permanently scarred by this experience! Couldn't he somehow realize that my ability to perform seually in a group could be seriously impacted by such an experience?

I wish there was a way to warn people on this site about insincere people who misrepresent their intentions!

It is unfortunate because I love threesomes and I love meeting couples, even though I only have a few experiences under my belt. But now I will always have this lurking suspicion that I will have to overcome everytime I meet a couple.

Any encouragements, thoughts or stories about swingers who misrepresent themselves are welcome...


freetime648 52F

8/23/2006 1:30 am

Same feelings different situation to say the least! I agree totally with the fact that everyone NEEDS to be truthful. In my limited "swinging" time, I met a couple guys all for the 3-some thing but when it came down to brass tacks, they would back off because they did not find it comfortable to have another guy in the room.....they were just in it for "the girl"...(ie: ME)!!!!

I hope you do not have to go through this again and good luck in future experiences!



xx FREETIME648 xx


TheHungriestWolf 37M

8/23/2006 8:31 pm

    Quoting rm_jerseygem70:
    I totally understand were you are coming from! You just need to be more inquisitive and careful.
That is true, but sort of a dilemma. I am very sensitive to the energy and mood of a situation. It is so hard to not take a couple at their word and pry into certain issues without killing the mood. I think this is especially true with men, and their sexual preferences. If a man is truly hiding his bisexual tendencies, he is going to be very defensive when it comes to an investigation.

But this is only a theory, but you are right, I should be more inquisitive and if it offends someone, well, then I have my answer.

I just resent the business like aspects of swinging Seriously! Having to ask a ton of questions in order to see if there are lies under the surface totally ruins the spontaneity and joy of the whole experience. But of course, being a straight man and getting your dick nonconsentually grabbed and sucked by another guy kills the mood even more!

I will just run all my potential dates by you for approval, Gem!


TheHungriestWolf 37M

8/23/2006 8:57 pm

    Quoting freetime648:
    Same feelings different situation to say the least! I agree totally with the fact that everyone NEEDS to be truthful. In my limited "swinging" time, I met a couple guys all for the 3-some thing but when it came down to brass tacks, they would back off because they did not find it comfortable to have another guy in the room.....they were just in it for "the girl"...(ie: ME)!!!!

    I hope you do not have to go through this again and good luck in future experiences!

Well, that is a shame and certainly the same type of thing.

Men are sort of silly when it comes to sexual preference. I believe that the gay man seems to be the only one who has found a truly comfortable and confident sexuality. Us straight guys always have issues with "homophobia".

I am a very liberal and openminded person, but, as you can see, I certainly have been set into confusion and a gross, ickiness because of this seemingly harmless encounter. But, that isn't necessarily because I am homophobic as it is commonly defined. I have come to terms with my personal level of homosexuality. I know I love men emotionally, and I can appreciate a man's appearance, I can hug and embrace and be naked in the same room and fuck the same woman, but a man has never sexually arroused me. I am at peace with that, and I am happy that many other men have found their level of homosexuality and take joy in it, whatever it is.

The guy I refer to in this story is a true homophobe. He is ashamed of what he desires. He doesn't want to be gay or bi, because he looks down on that label, lifestyle and possibly those men. He wants to be straight and suck dick. Sorry, doesn't work that way. I think that is a true form of homophobia...

If you want to have a successful threesome with two guys, find two guys who have dealt with the issues of their own homosexuality and can articulate them to you. Or, I will get on a plane


TnWitchyWoman 56F
6852 posts
8/27/2006 10:27 am

We all deal with this type of thing from time to time. People just can't seem to be honest. I'm sure women do it too but in this case, Welcome to a woman's world of finding disgusting bastards!. My hardest lesson...trust that FIRST flag. Quit dismissing my intuition. I should trust myself before I do anyone else. Run at the first realization someone has been misleading. It sucks to have that "need for bleach" feeling.

I know I love men emotionally, and I can appreciate a man's appearance, I can hug and embrace and be naked in the same room and fuck the same woman, but a man has never sexually arroused me. I am at peace with that, and I am happy that many other men have found their level of homosexuality and take joy in it, whatever it is.

The right people are going to be very lucky to find you. I had two men in my life for 12 years. They were both about as straight as they come but did not have a problem AT ALL with other men being attracted to each other. It didn't even bother Jeff or Dave if a gay friend said they found them sexually attractive. They simply said "Thank you, I like you as a friend but you know I can't return the sentiment."

Jeff and Dave gave me the MFM experience for my pleasure and the sense of adventure. Jeff did enjoying watching me with Dave but Dave would have rather of had me to himself...which he did most of the time since we probably had MFM around 6 times out of 12 years. How lucky was I?! *wicked grin* The first time we were all together it was a bit like directing traffic and what put us at ease was the ability to laugh at the situation. Once we all learned each other it was an amazing experience we'd share occasionally. I don't know if it will be repeated. I can't do casual anymore. It's just not my heart's or body's desire. So it has to be someone that has a special emotional connection. It's hard enough to find one person to be with that you enjoy on that level, finding two, who are accepting of each other and respect boundries both physically and emotionally is almost impossible. And since I've already had that once is it like asking lightning to strike twice in the same place when some people never experience ONE love like that. *shrugs*

I wish you well in your search. And be careful out there. I never thought much about what kind of risks a man is taking meeting up for sex with someone they don't know very well. Always looked at the woman being the more vunerable physically and mentally. But when you add a male into the MF mix you could have been in a bad situation just as easily as I could meeting up with a man alone. Not everyone out there is a nice human being.

Lori


EvilEvilKitten1 61F

8/28/2006 9:34 am

Red flags flying all OVER this couple hun. All of his ordering her to do this and that...bad cess! I would have stopped it right there and confronted him with - what is your problem?

He should stop fighting himself and just accept that he's bisexual and be done with worrying

N


TheHungriestWolf 37M

8/28/2006 10:22 am

    Quoting EvilEvilKitten1:
    Red flags flying all OVER this couple hun. All of his ordering her to do this and that...bad cess! I would have stopped it right there and confronted him with - what is your problem?

    He should stop fighting himself and just accept that he's bisexual and be done with worrying
Well, I have a slight problem where I like to see where things go. I have the ability to give and take life with my bare hands (a little excess chi goes a long way if channeled properly), so I am not particularly afraid of anyone. But, this being aan experience I do not wish to repeat I am going to take the wonderful advice of all of you and pay more attention to flags. Not so much out of fear, but out of avoidance of wasted time!

I will plan a retreat to VA to receive further instructiona nd discipline.


firestarter665 42M/39F

8/31/2006 10:17 am

It is horrible to hear that People would try to lure you in under false pretenses. I'm sure that it happens a lot, but it seems like you handled yourself well.


TheHungriestWolf 37M

8/31/2006 8:00 pm

    Quoting rm_FatGirl82:
    You are a much more trusting and tolerant person then I. My rule of thumb (and this is in my profile) if there is a lie, including a so called "change of status", I'm gone. Also, I don't do anyone's else's drama. If he views her as a fuck buddy and she's in love with him that's a problem waiting to happen. It's obvious that he uses her as bait and when she gets a man completely worked up he joins in on the action. (It sort of reminds me of a Tennessee Williams play that involves cannibalism, but I digress.)

    I'm assuming that you had met them before in a non sexual situation. If you didn't, that's a must have habit. It's much easier to suss out liars and flakes when everyone is meeting in a brightly lit non alcoholic, non sexual situation. iF the sex is going to be that good, it's worth meeting, chatting and waiting 48 hours to see if you have any concerns. Anyone who is not willing to meet in a non sexual manner first, is probably up to something.

    Another important point, if someone tries something fugazy one time, you've got to be willing to walk even if it's with a hard on. The minute you saw they were willing to have unsafe sex, you should have just left. That alone says that these are sketchy people who can't be trusted.

    Finally, personally, I *never* drink around a new lover until I've been with them a few times and something of a trust bond has developed. You're very lucky this guy was willing to let it drop. What would have happened if he's been a real freak and had a weapon of some type. Women aren't the only people who can be sexually assaulted.

    I hope you 've learned some lessons about playing safely.
Believe me, I have learned so much and I have a lot to credit all of you. I never thought I would find myself getting so heavily involved in this online community. Which is funny because I own an internet business! But there is so much goodness and wisdom being exchanged here and I don't think I could "navigate hedonism" without the willing ears and generous keyboards of you all.

You are the type of people that redeem this lifestyle in light of bad situations like this one and redeem this lifestyle in the judging eyes of our society. Because, as is so obvious in this blog, we are here building each other up, not tearing down through judgement and insecurities.

I wish we could all just buy an island!

Yes FG, I am committing to new habits of safe meeting that follow your suggestions closely...


sunshinekzn 57F

8/31/2006 10:19 pm

Thanks for sending me to your blog! Terrible experience. My David one was just as bad. I met him on AdultFriendFinder. We chatted daily for 8 mths. Then I flew to Uk. When I met him, there was something about his eyes.... (I now have nightmares about them). This sweet, loving, caring person that would not harm a fly became a different person in bed. I hate pain and I am not into being hurt in bed. What we did was not called making love. He started slapping my in my face, swearing at me and ...... Well it was a terrible experience. Now you know why I am petrified off meeting new people!


TheHungriestWolf 37M

9/1/2006 12:23 am

    Quoting sunshinekzn:
    Thanks for sending me to your blog! Terrible experience. My David one was just as bad. I met him on AdultFriendFinder. We chatted daily for 8 mths. Then I flew to Uk. When I met him, there was something about his eyes.... (I now have nightmares about them). This sweet, loving, caring person that would not harm a fly became a different person in bed. I hate pain and I am not into being hurt in bed. What we did was not called making love. He started slapping my in my face, swearing at me and ...... Well it was a terrible experience. Now you know why I am petrified off meeting new people!
Oh dear God! That is horrible my dear! I cannot comprehend the intensity of that situation. Flying overseas for any reason is quite a commitment. But to do so in search of something romantic is quite corageous. I can almost imagine your excitement when you got off the plane. You felt a swelling in your heart and mind at the anticipation of meeting someone who you thought might change your life. And tehn, it all crumbles!

I am sure you have replayed your entire interaction with this man over and over to find where you went wrong, or to find the lies embedded in what you thought were thruth.

I wish I had something to impart, but I feel as though it is the women who can give you some wisdom, not me...


Become a member to create a blog