I'm not your huggy bear.  

ThaRealLiv 43M
201 posts
5/28/2006 11:52 pm

Last Read:
5/29/2006 3:04 am

I'm not your huggy bear.

When I was a child my mother always tried to hug me.

My parents used to joke about how I was like hugging a board.

Everytime she tried to hug me, I would stiffen up and pull away from her.

Why did I do this?

Was she looking for something in me, that my stepfather wasn't giving her?

I was just being me.

Pulling away from her were my true feelings.

I had nowhere to go.

I used to to amazing little things when I was a kid.

I don't remember exactly what.

It was lightning quick, and consecutive, and elaborate, and it always added up.

My stepfather would watch in amazement.

Which words?
What I said?
I don't remember.
It was my natural flow.
It was the most valuable thing inside me.
I miss it.
I hated to be idolized.

ThaRealLiv 43M

5/29/2006 12:22 am

When I find myself, my stepfather will know me.

He remembers.

I feel him come in sometimes.


ThaRealLiv 43M

5/29/2006 12:23 am

But that ain't it.

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