Is this for real? Or is this a fantasy?  

Tattookat 43M/43F
1 posts
9/8/2005 3:48 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Is this for real? Or is this a fantasy?

What follows is just an opinion piece to begin with. Hopefully, further entries will lead to or be recounting of actual dates from this site...

So, I'm in New York City and there's tons of people out there. And I meet people all the time in the city. So what am I doing on a personals site, right? Well, it's not as easy to meet that elusive single female who wants to do a threesome. Now, really, I used to rely on another site, but I just though this site could be another option. Of course, no matter how tired I get of one scene or another, nothing compares to actually meeting people.

My worry here is that it's just not a place to meet people in person. This site (and other monthly paying sites too, AdultFriendFinder is not unique in that way) seems to be more about the online community (seems many are here for months b/c of the chat rooms) and what the administrators have to do to keep us as paying customers (as long as they make their money, not that there's anything wrong with making money/making a living, but they're not exactly motivated by OUR best interests), or about showing your "sexy pics" or adding someone to your network. If I met someone in person, I wouldn't necessarily keep coming back every month. But they get you with the idea that if you just stick it out a little longer you might just meet someone.

I have actually had a few close calls. Some women claiming that they didn't get my original message and they were grateful that I resent my note, but ultimately never heard back from those women about a meeting. Were their ads real? Or were they just paid to respond to me? Then there were those couples who wrote to us, and when I wrote back, well, again, never heard back. I've even been invited into someone's network and accepted their invite, alas, never to hear back from them again. On the other hand, there were those invites that I sent out, only to get them sent back to me in my own email... as if I was inviting myself into my own network. Finally, I got those autoresponses from several lovely ladies who are too busy to respond to their numerous ads. How did I respond to that last one? I simply turned on MY Autoresponse...but I AM A REAL PERSON. WE ARE FOR REAL. Still, in addition to the autoresponse, I also respond personally with the intention of meeting in person.

What about the chat rooms, you ask? Some swear they've met people in person (in these very chat rooms), yet I don't get more than that simple response, "yes, I've met someone," before I'm forgotten like invisible ink on the board (no my font isn't too light). But then again, I don't have that much time to chat. Even now, I have to rush to work... or do you think I have mistaken priorities?

Maybe I haven't responded to enough ads. Or responded to too many ads? What is the right number? 30? 50? 100? I suppose the right number is the one that you meet. Whatever the number, it doesn't seem to be under a month.

Frankly, it's NEVER taken me this long to meet someone in other sites and I felt like I was connecting with real people in my physical proximity. That is the true value for me, even if any percentage of those meets were a bust somehow. I have used a couple of good sites as well as several not so good sites.

With all those close calls and so many people on this site (not to mention the overly graphic ads - the prominently displayed genitals in the not so great light). And then I was having trouble blocking one ad in particular, which no matter what I do (finally was able to block them from responding to me), that ad always comes up in my browse or search though they are a couple and I'm looking for single women. I'm seriously wondering whether to continue to the next month on this site.

That's why I've been asking about other people's experiences. But all my questions have fallen on deaf ears - cyberspace... Don't you all wonder about that?

I'm not saying people here are jerks, or anything like that and I'm not bitter. I am just thinking that there have to be better options for meeting people in person than through this site. I just haven't felt like anything here is a viable possibility of an actual date. Maybe this site wasn't designed for actually meeting people/for casual dating/for casual sex.

I really shouldn't have to work that hard for it. And it's not like I didn't spend any time on my ad and seriously consider how I approached this whole thing. But this is supposed to be fun. Work is what I get paid to do. No matter how much effort you have to put into looking nice/sexy or having good social skills (regardless of how long you've been out of the dating scene), casual dating isn't supposed to be this difficult.

rm_wewantodoit 43M/44F
1 post
9/12/2005 2:38 am


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